"I know why guys hate dancing so much."

"Oh?" I whirled my Jack & Coke, then tossed the straw into a napkin.

"Yea, I do."

"So are you going to tell me?" I took a swig of my drink.

She played with the cherry in her apple martini. "Nah, maybe I'll let you stew for a bit first."

"Gee, thanks. I appreciate that, really, I do."

She giggled. "Patience," she paused, "is a virtue."

"And biffing you on the head is funny." I tapped her on the forehead.

"Ooo, you're such a bully. Now I'll never tell you."

I took another gulp. "That's okay, you probably don't know the answer anyways."

"What? Sure I do." She took a sip. "Mmm, this is good."

"I've never seen an apple martini with a cherry garnish before."

"Well, it's good." She fetched the cherry and nibbled on it.

"So I think I've stewed enough now. Shall you impart your terrific and almighty wisdom unto me?"

She giggled. "Well, since you put it that way." She took another sip. "Before I go on, let me just preface by saying this is a gross generalization, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay: Guys hate dancing the same way girls hate sports."

"Ah…"

"It's true. Just like I hate playing football or basketball, guys hate dancing. Because I don't know how to play football or basketball, I don't like doing it."

"And so you're saying guys don't know how to dance, therefore guys hate doing it."

"That's right Einstein."

I patted her on the back. "Wow, you're, like, smart!"

"Thank you. I'm glad you recognize genius when you see it."

"I was being sarcastic."

"It's true you know. It stems from fear of embarrassment. Guys have a lot of stupid pride, and—"

"What? No we don't!"

"—and that fear of embarrassment prevents them from enjoying dancing. Same with me. If I knew how to play basketball and was good at it, I'm sure I'd love it. But I don't, so I don't like it."

"You made me stew just to hear that?" I shook my head and consoled myself with another gulp.

She continued, "Likewise, if a guy were to learn how to dance and dance well, he'd love it. If he knew he could look good dancing well, then he'd really love it."

"This reminds me of a joke. Wanna hear it?"

"Sure."

"Nah, I think I'll let you stew first."

She took a long sip of her martini, placed it carefully on the table, took in a deep sigh, and looked at me. "Ahhh. Stewing can be so peaceful and relaxing, don't you think?"

"Okay, fine, I'll tell you."

She giggled.

"Sherlock Holmes wakes up Watson one night and says to him, 'Watson! Quick, look up! What can you deduce from those stars?' Watson thinks it over and replies, 'Well, Mr. Holmes, I'd say that with Polaris, otherwise known as the North Star, immediately to the right of us, our heads are pointing East. The clouds rolling in signify a moist morning and potentially cloudy day tomorrow. I hear crickets and frogs as usual, indicating the presence of a swamp nearby, which means we may be bitten by some mosquitoes before dawn. Why, what do you deduce, Mr. Holmes?' To which Sherlock replies, 'Someone's stolen our tent!'"

"Ha!" She put one hand in front of her mouth and held onto her glass with the other, as if it would keep her from falling. "Ha ha ha! Very funny! You're a very funny man, did you know that?"

"That's what my Mommy keeps on telling me, or was that what she said about my face?"

"Ha ha ha!"

"So what I'm trying to say is, your brilliant deduction is pretty damn obvious. Of course guys don't like dancing 'cuz they can't dance. That's as plain to see as mold on grandma."

She stopped laughing and looked at me. "Mold on grandma?"

"Uh, forget it. It was an expression I heard somewhere. Anyways, that's just plain obvious."

"Uh huh. I didn't hear you say it first, Mr. Brainiac."

"That's 'cuz I didn't need to state the obvious, Ms. Master Of The Obvious."

"At least you know how to address me correctly. Master. I like that."

I took a long chug of my drink. "Oh man, I just got her started."

"And hey, that joke didn't really have anything to do with what I was saying."

"Sure it does. Um, doesn't it?"

"Nope. And now it's time to get over your fears."

"Wha?" I clenched my glass in my hand.

"It's only natural that you counter your fears, embrace them, and defeat them if you are to learn something new."

I took another long swig of Jack & Coke. "But, um, wait, what if I don't want to learn?"

"Sure you do. It's only natural."

"Only natural? What kind of Bizarro World logic is that?"

"Because of your stupid male pride, you're not going to be able to turn me down if I ask you to dance. That pride will override the embarrassment you'll feel on the dance floor, at least until you get onto the dance floor. But by then, it will be too late, because walking off will only hurt your stupid pride even more."

My eyes widened. "Ohmigosh, you're evil."

She winked as she put her glass down. "C'mon, let's dance."

. . .

Why do you think guys hate dancing so much?