"White meat only."
- L. Spencer

"I'm trying to get with a white chick right now," Tim declared.

"Oh yea?" I raised an eyebrow. "How's that going?" I leaned back in my seat while keeping one hand on the steering wheel.

"Pretty good. I have a date with her this Friday." He looked out the window with a smile.

"Did you tell her you're related to Bruce Lee?" asked Sandy. We laughed.

"Totally! I told her I can do kung-fu and tai-chi!" Tim flailed his arms about. A driver in a car next to us looked over. "Hey, what you look at? I kung-fu your ass!"

"Have you guys ever dated a white girl before?" Sandy asked us.

"No," I shook my head. "But not for lack of trying."

"Me neither. But I heard they're… messy…" Tim stated

"Messy?" Sandy repeated. "Like, because they don't take off their shoes when they go home?"

"No…" Tim trailed.

I switched into the carpool lane and sped along, passing a row of slow traffic to our right. "Carpooling rules," I declared.

Sandy turned around from her seat to face Tim in the back. "Wait, then what do you mean they're messy?"

"I mean… well… like when they're doing it, they don't mind getting all messy…"

"How do you explain bukkake then?" I inquired.

"What's boo-khaki?" Sandy asked.

"Um." I stared at the cars in front of me. Tim laughed. I cleared my throat and spoke plainly. "It's this Japanese fetish where guys ejaculate all over a girl's face."

Tim howled in the backseat.

"Ew! How in the world do you know that??"

I looked at Tim in the rearview mirror. "So Tim, you were saying that white girls are messy. What do you mean?"

Sandy cast a sideways glance at me. Then she turned around. "Yea, Tim. What do you mean white girls are messy?"

Tim grinned. "Why do our carpool rides always turn to these subjects?" Sandy and I shared a chuckle. "Okay, what I heard was that when they're doing it… white chicks don't mind letting the sheets get all… messy…"

Sandy stared at him with a blank expression. Tim cleared his throat and continued. "You know how Asians use a towel to wipe up afterwards? Well, which chicks don't do that… they don't mind lying in wet sheets afterwards…"

"What?! That's disgusting!!" Sandy turned forward again, shocked.

I laughed and had to hold onto the steering wheel with both hands. "I'm sure that's not true for all white girls, man."

"It's true! You've only dated Asian girls, right? How many of them clean up afterwards?"

I pondered for a moment. "Wow. Just about all of them. And most do actually use a towel."

"See! Asian girls are clean!"

Tim and I both turned to Sandy. "So do you use the Asian sex towel?" I asked.

She blushed. "Well, I'm not messy!"

We laughed. "I'm guessing all the girls you've dated use the Asian sex towel too?" I asked Tim.

He nodded. "But white chicks don't!"

"Wait," Sandy interjected. "That's just what you've heard, right?"

Tim nodded.

"Okay. Well, if you sleep with this white girl, then you'll be able to confirm for sure."

"Yea!" I added. "See if she uses a sex towel too, or if she's messy."

Tim laughed. "Deal. I'll get with a white chick purely for scientific research reasons."

We all laughed. Other drivers looked over at us quizzically. I smiled at them. "Carpooling rules," I declared.

. . .

Is it true that white girls are messy?