Right now, my brain has the same consistency as warm butternut squash, only more pink. My brain is a vegetable, it is, because I just finished watching six consecutive episodes of the Sopranos: 4th Season.

Each episode is one hour long. That's six hours I've been on this couch. Six hours for those curry potatoes my Mom made to sink into my gut and turn me into a literal couch potato.

I don't have a television in my apartment. "It's a time sink, a waste of time," I tell myself. If I have one, I'll turn it on as soon as I get home from work. Then I'll spend the rest of the evening channel surfing and feeling my college education melt into a tasteful paste that, when served with a sprinkle of garlic, can make for a great appetizer.

I've been much more productive since I got rid of my television. Life sans TV means more reading, more keeping in touch with long-distance friends, more time for hobbies. Just more productivity in general. It's great.

Don't think that mean I don't like TV. Hells no. Case in point: the last six hours.

When given free access to television, as I have now that I'm home for the holidays, all thoughts of productivity drip right out my nose with the holiday sniffles.

Pro-duct-tape-active-enmity? What's that? Sounds like something that would take effort, and hells no, I wouldn't want to be doing that. Not when there's free access to television here. Television. TV. My precious…

If you stuck a spoon into my ear during the holidays, you'd have a scoopful of wholesome yummy vegetable goodness.

So I feel hella bad about this. First, I feel bad that the word "hella" has stuck in my vocabulary, prompting my New York friends to say, "Damn man, those Californians have assimilated you. You're one of THEM now!"

Second, I feel bad about losing six precious hours of otherwise productive time in my life. I know all about Paulie's conniving with Johnny Sack while he was in prison, but I'll never have those six otherwise productive hours back.

But you know what? This is a vacation. It's my winter break. Why the hell should I be productive today? I should be relaxing, enjoying my vacation, dammit.

So I'm going to shut my laptop off now and move on to episode seven (smell that butternut? Mmmm!). See you next week. Happy Holidays! And Happy New Year!

. . .

What's the most television you've watched?