This is what happens when the lights go out. The rats mobilize and the cockroaches arm themselves. It's an all-out war unseen by human eyes. We wouldn't want to see it either; it would be too horrible to comprehend.

Neither side knows exactly how it started. Legend has it: the two sides existed peacefully for millennia, when suddenly the warlike rat chieftain Lord Whiskillas began demanding tributes from the nearby cockroach village of Under the Fridge.

The Under the Fridgian cockroaches refused, and Whiskillas sent an army to decimate the innocent village. At least, that's how the cockroaches tell it.

The truth is probably closer to a struggle over territory. Under the Fridge is a land rich with food and resources. There's always an errant marshmallow or scattering of bread crumbs there. Whoever controls Under the Fridge controls the entire planet Kitchen.

Lord Whiskillas' grandson Whiskillas the Third is now the rat chieftain. And unfortunately for the cockroaches, he's every bit as warlike and blood-hungry as his grandfather.

However, the rats never counted on the enormous numbers of the cockroaches. Small as they may be, they have the advantage of speed and hard shiny shells that go crunch when you step on them. Ew.

The cockroach leader is King Uncrunchable, because he's survived multiple attempts on his life. Some say he has feline blood, because he has more lives than a cat.

King Uncrunchable is an unscrupulous leader who favors guerilla warfare over conventional means. He'd just as easily throw dust mites into your face as he would sacrifice one of his 100 brothers if he knew it would get him ahead.

In the rat camp, there are whispers of a rumor that it was King Uncrunchable's lineage that triggered the war. Somehow, this old king, whose name has been forgotten in the many generations of cockroaches, staged the sack of Under the Fridge.

Why? Because he believed that the growing number of cockroaches would mean an enormous army that even the rats wouldn't be able to defeat. And he wanted the entire Kitchen for his race.

Whatever the reason, there are those that oppose the war on both sides. Leader of this opposition is Prince Ratmo, the son of Whiskillas the Third. He describes himself as a lover, not a fighter. And he doesn't understand why they all just can't get along.

There's another reason why he's opposed to this war. It's love. Forbidden love.

For Prince Ratmo, son of Lord Whiskillas the Third, chieftain of the rats, is in love with Princess Julroach, daughter of King Uncrunchable, leader of the cockroaches.

They met one dark night in the plains of the Kitchen floor. Out in the open. Prince Ratmo was leading a squad to explore the Kitchen floor when he encountered fair Princess Julroach and 50 of her sisters.

The girls were frolicking in a sticky and delicious puddle of orange juice. They were caught totally unaware.

Before Ratmo could even give the order, his men attacked. They slaughtered her 50 sisters when Ratmo interceded. It was love at first sight. Ratmo's beady little eyes looked lovingly into Julroach's shiny compound eyeballs. And a strange feeling overtook Ratmo.

Just as Ratmo's squad began to tear off Julroach's limbs, he jumped into the fray and clawed them all to death. It was over before he realized what he had done. He had killed his own men.

But that didn't matter. He held Julroach in his tiny little paws and cradled her broken wings. She looked back up at him and smiled. "Thank you," she whispered. "My hero."

Ratmo took her back to his hole and fabricated a story about a marauding army of cockroaches. His father was absolutely livid and ordered a mass-scale attack on the cockroach village of In the Sink.

The rats slaughtered the village while Ratmo remained behind to nurse Princess Julroach back to health. When she was finally able to crawl on all sixes again, he embraced her and said, "I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again."

Then she kissed him. And beyond what any encyclopedia could ever explain, they had funky rat/cockroach sex.

Back at the cockroach camp, King Uncrunchable was equally outraged. The rats had just decimated one of his villages and killed 51 of his daughters, including his favorite, Princess Julroach. He had had enough. It was time to end this now and forever.

The entire cockroach army gathered at the edge of the Kitchen floor. They armed themselves to the antennae. Toothpick spears, dust mite bombs, the works.

A rat scouting party caught a glimmer from the Kitchen floor as an errant cockroach walked through a beam of moonlight. Something was up. His whiskers could feel it. So he alerted Lord Whiskillas the Third.

Lord Whiskillas climbed up to the top of the fridge and his tiny rat heart skipped a beat. For below him was what appeared to be the entire cockroach army marching across the Kitchen floor. Their numbers were triple the size of the rat army. And they were coming, fast.

He sounded the alarm. Rats everywhere mobilized and scurried out to the Kitchen floor. They were bigger than the cockroaches. Lord Whiskillas hoped their size would give them the advantage.

"These cockroaches want a fight?" he shouted to his rat army. "We'll give them a fight! Rat ho!"

The two armies raced towards each other in desperate bloodlust. The death toll was going to be high tonight, and both sides knew it. This was all or nothing. And just as they were about to engage…

…the kitchen light turned on.

"Holy shit!"

Mr. Henderson looked down at the floor. Cockroaches and rats were everywhere. He grabbed a broom and started whacking them. They scampered back to their crevices and holes.

"Holy shit! Martha! Get down here! Get me that can of Raid!"

And thus, the great Rat-Cockroach War was postphoned. For now. For now…

. . .

What do you think rats and cockroaches do when the lights go off?