Whenever a person goes through a traumatic social experience, that person will make judgments that overcompensate in the opposite direction. The person's judgments will swing like a pendulum, from one side to the other, before finally settling on a more moderate stance. This is a natural defense mechanism, innate in us all. It is inevitable and even necessary for our recovery from traumatic social experiences, provided we swing back eventually.

Consider, for example, something as traumatic as the break-up of a relationship. Girl breaks up with boy. Boy gets so upset that he convinces himself that all women are cold and heartless. He treats all subsequent women poorly, sleeping with, then dumping them as a form of revenge. He has, in effect, swung too far the other way in the pendulum of judgment. You probably know somebody who's done that. Perhaps you yourself have done that.

Let's take another example. White guy is mugged by black guy. White guy gets so upset that he generalizes all black men to be thieves. He treats every subsequent black person with distrust, going as far as to avoid them on the streets. He has also swung too far on the pendulum; his judgment has been clouded by strong beliefs opposite of what he believed prior to the traumatic experience.

There are many other factors contributing to the misogyny and racism discussed in these examples, of course. Many also never swing the other way, forever stuck in their new extreme beliefs. But the underlying overcompensating shift of judgment occurs in everyone.

How about a more innocuous example? Shy girl attends party. Shy girl says something embarrassing, inviting scorn and taunts. She runs out of the party, resolving never again to open her mouth and say anything potentially embarrassing. Her pendulum of judgment as also swung too far, leaping to an extreme conclusion because of her traumatic social experience.

What can be done when a friend has experienced a radical swing of judgment? As long as the new judgment isn't harmful to your friend or others, the short-term solution is to support your friend and the new beliefs. Allow your friend's wounds to heal. The overcompensation is just your friend's way of trying to rationalize and protect himself/herself.

As your friend heals and becomes stronger, enlighten him/her to the extremity of the new beliefs. If your friend has healed enough, he/she will understand the swing of judgment that has occurred. Your friend may finally settle on a stance somewhere between the original beliefs and this new one, which generally is healthy. This new stance is the assimilation of newfound knowledge, the synthesis of a social lesson learned.

But what if your friend does not swing back? Perhaps your friend is still healing. Or perhaps your friend doesn't yet have the emotional maturity to set the pendulum back into motion; your friend's pendulum is stuck on one extreme.

In some extreme instances, professional therapy is required. There may be strong underlying emotional biases and insecurities cemented in place. Dealing with such cases is outside the scope of this document.

Not every situation is as dire, of course. Let's go back to the first example. Girl breaks up with boy. Boy treats all subsequent women poorly. As his friend, you support him as he grieves. You understand that he's in Girl-Hating Mode because his pendulum of judgment has overcompensated. But as his actions begin having painful consequences on others, you talk to him and help him realize that his judgment is skewed. You introduce him to girls who don't exhibit the same traits as his ex, opening his eyes to the prejudices he's developed.

How about the second example? White guy is mugged by black guy. White guy treats all subsequent black people poorly. As his friend, you support him as he files his police report, cancels his credit cards, and buys a new wallet. You listen to him vent and realize that his pendulum of judgment has overcompensated. But as his words manifest into actions, you talk to him and help him realize that his judgment is skewed. You introduce him to black people who don't exhibit the same traits as the thief, opening his eyes to the prejudices he's developed.

And the third example? Shy girl attends party and says something embarrassing, causing her to be even less vocal. As her friend, you support her as she cries. You know that she's made an extreme conclusion because of the intense social embarrassment she's felt. But as her conclusion forces her to become even more shy and withdrawn, you talk to her and help her realize that her judgment is skewed. You introduce her to like-minded friends and more comfortable social environments, teach her enough polite pleasantries to survive most parties, and show her how everyone occasionally says embarrassing things at parties.

All are examples of getting the pendulum to swing back the other way. One solution is helping the person realize the extremity of the new beliefs. Another is to break the person's new stereotypes by providing examples of people or situations that counter the overcompensation. A third is to analyze the traumatic social experience and distill the actual objective factors that caused it, so extreme judgments don't develop. A fourth is to develop the skills necessary to deal with future potentially traumatic social experiences.

Ultimately, their pendulum will rest somewhere in the middle. The boy will realize that not all women are heartless, there were just specific traits of the relationship that made it fail. The white guy will realize that not all black people are thieves, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The shy girl will realize that everyone says embarrassing things, she was just with the wrong crowd or took the taunts too seriously.

This is what the pendulum theory tells us. Traumatic social experiences will swing a person's judgment in the opposite direction. This overcompensation is a normal part of the healing process. Understand and accept it. But if the overcompensated beliefs don't swing back, give them a push. Eventually, the person's pendulum of judgment will rest somewhere in the middle of the original beliefs and the new beliefs as the result of a lesson learned.

. . .

What do you think of the pendulum theory?