It's the beginning of the new millennium and I just got my first kiss. Hot damn!

And I only met her that night.

This is significant, you see, because this sort of thing is somewhat unusual for me. I don't normally kiss girls I don't know. Actually, correction: I've never kissed a girl I didn't know before. Call my shy, call me a prude, call me a gentleman, I don't care. I've just never had a reason to do it before.

For this New Year's Eve party though, there was a damn good reason. A hot damn reason—she was hot! And totally wasted! The perfect combination for a kiss from the Mikenator, oh yea baby.

At the party, there was a lingerie fashion show. Scantily clad ladies (and, unfortunately, guys) strutted their stuff for an intoxicated audience. It was awesome.

"The sex level of the room is high tonight!" the DJ declared. Lame line. But something was definitely high that night.

A friend kept my cup constantly full of frosted alcoholic goodness. My liver was nice and toasty. Not that I noticed. Hell, I could have shat my liver out and slipped on it and wouldn't have noticed.

So here's what happened. I don't remember much, but what I do remember is etched forever into my mind.

As the ball was about to drop, my friends and I climbed onto the stage with our drinks. The girl I met came along too. Both her and I were pretty wasted by this point. The crowd started cheering "10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!"

Then I turned to my friends. I shook hands with the guys and pecked the cheeks of the girls. When I got to the girl I met, we locked lips. No cheek, just straight for the lips.

And we locked them good. Tighter than a beaver's ass we were. You couldn't have separated us even with a welding torch and jackhammer. Whenever there's a commercial about how strong a particular brand of glue is, they show us as an example.

And on it went. It seemed like hours, days, years all at once. Then we broke apart for some oxygen. I took a long deep breath and noticed, hey, that we were the only two left on the stage. Everyone else was back on the dance floor by this time. Some were gawking at us with what I imagined to be envious eyes and lurid smirks.

We climbed off the stage and mingled into the dance floor. Then we locked lips again. Because, you know, you shouldn't keep a refrigerator door open like that. It needs to be locked and sealed. I think we might have swayed a bit too, to give the impression that we were dancing too. Or maybe that was just my head swimming.

We finally broke the seal around our lips and sensually into each other's eyes. Well, as sensual as two totally wasted people can get in a dimly lit New Year's Eve party.

Then a friend of mine rushed over. She screamed that another friend was in the bathroom puking and crying her guts out. Apparently over me.

Then a friend of the girl I met rushed over and said something that seemed equally urgent to her. We both were pulled away by our friends.

After that last kiss, I never saw that seweetee again. And as suddenly as it all happened, it was all over.

And wow, what a way to start the new millennium! Hot damn! Happy New Year everyone!

. . .

Did you get a New Year's Eve kiss for the millennium?