Picture this:

In the men's restroom, on top of a urinal, is a midget. His back is against the wall and his pants are off. With a broad grin on his face, he's spraying a protective moat of piss on the floor around the urinal.

I swear, that's what it looks like at my company's restrooms. Sometimes it's a fine semi-circular sprinkle; other times, it's a shimmering half-moon lake.

Either way, it's very annoying. Call me crazy, but I personally find no contentment in stepping into a puddle of piss.

The ironic thing is that I don't work in a piss-poor (no pun intended) company. We're one of the few companies who're doing well in this economy. Our parking lot is a virtual BMW showroom.

So given this seemingly upscale environment, what gives? What would make supposedly educated, gentrified, white-collar knowledge workers spray the floor? Are they marking their territory?

"This is my urinal. There are many like it but this one is mine. I must master it like I must master my life. If you piss here, my essence shall be on your shoes."

Lots of other theories have been put forth to explain this phenomenon. Maybe there are guys who have one hand on their PDA or cell phone while the other hand tends to business. Maybe there are guys who close their eyes and take a mini nap as they stand there. Or maybe some of the guys simply have below-average aim.

Or—as I'm wont to believe that my coworkers aren't really narcoleptic clumsy one-handers—maybe there really is a crazed, rogue midget with a bladder problem living atop our urinals.

Yea, that's got to be it.

. . .

How are the restrooms in your company?