Social Energy
November 12th, 2000I fooled them all.
They all think I'm some kind of socialite. A guy who's always smiling, always talkative, always outgoing. They accuse me of being a "blabbermouth" or a "ham," whatever that is.
Ha. I'm so good, it scares me.
Did you know that I didn't say one word for most of kindergarten? Not one word.
No, of course you didn't know that. But now you do since I just told you. Because that's just the kind of guy I am now; I just blab out stuff.
Mrs. Saltys used to offer me lollipops if I'd say "Hello" to her. Instead, I'd frown and shake my head in total silence.
Then one day, she accidentally gave me two permission slips. I was convinced that this was an utter act of atrocity punishable by only the most severe of chastisements.
My Mom drove me back to school and I said, "Here" or something to Mrs. Saltys as I handed her the extra permission slip.
She was overjoyed. The way her face lit up was incredible. (I half-excepted a lollipop, but she didn't give me one)
The next day she told the entire class about my first word. I think I said, "Hi" to the class.
They erupted in cheers. Then they picked me up (I distinctly remember this because I was scared out of my little Chinese American head) and paraded me through the classroom on their shoulders.
I'm glad I didn't pee on them, I was so scared.
Since then, I've spoken out more.
I've always been big on self-improvement. Deep down inside, I've always been a shy guy working hard towards changing that.
People used to think I'd never say a word. Now people say I can't shut up. The complete 180-degree change still amazes me to this day.
I'm not always good about that though. There are times when I still shut up and get real quiet. There are times when I just can't find the right thing to say, so I don't say anything at all.
Why? It's because of my Social Energy (SE).
Sometimes, my SE can be high. It can even be replenished when I'm around the right crowd. I've noticed that certain people seem to add to my SE, keeping me going all night long.
Other times, my SE drops like a rock. Some situations just sap my SE and all I want to do is to go home and sleep.
There will be times when I'll be in a bar with some new people and be talkative for the first part of the evening. Then, suddenly, I'll clam up like an oyster.
But with good friends, they probably wish I'd clam up like an oyster.
Some close friends once invited me to a karaoke bar. Since they've only seen my chatty, outgoing side, they figured I'd love to sing in front of strangers as well.
I met a few new people but my SE was low that night for some reason.
So I sat there, dreading the moment when they'd hand me the microphone. I tried to do everything I could think of to decline the offer.
When they didn't take No for an answer, I even downed a whole bottle of sake.
Its warm burn didn't help my singing at all, nor did the alcohol when it hit me after I finished singing (singing… more like butchering) the damn song.
Being a consultant, it's important that I maintain a lot of SE to be able to talk to clients. So much so that I've constructed a list of topics to talk about with strangers.
It's a very damn useful list too, I might add. You ought to make one up too. I don't mean using lines like, "Great weather we're having, huh?" or "How about them Giants?" You have to be more original and creative than that.
I try my best to train my SE to maintain a consistent level. That's the key to keeping an outgoing appearance. Coming from such an introverted background, it's not as easy for me as it is for naturally extroverted folks.
But hey, at least I'm trying.
How's your Social Engery's levels right now?
February 18th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
hi there mike
i just read ur thingy on social energy and i can safely say that u echoe my sentiments exactly!
I am naturally a shy guy but have worked bigtime on myself in recent years to increase social skills, confidence etc. I have come on in leaps and bounds, making fantastic progress in social skills, confidence, etc.
But I still feel plagued in some way, albeit progressively smaller all the time, by Social Energy. Like you, sometimes i just cannot be bothered to interact, it seems as if all the social life-force has been sapped out of me. Other times, depending on the situation and people, I am so alive socially, chatty and witty and just feel in my element. I think the variables can be how loud a room is, how bright the lights are, how much is going on at once, which sort of people are there,- u know there are always those people who u feel u met when u were in a state of low social energy and since then u have sort of reserved a state low social interaction/skills for them!
(another thing i find is if i am hit by an emotional missile, eg feelings of rejection, anger, jealousy etc for whatever petty reason, this also knocks down my social energy for some reason)
Etc, I am rambling but u get my picture. i am interested if u have come up with anything that can help boost ur social energy. Let me know!
jim
February 20th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Thanks for the comment, Jim!
I've since discovered a couple of situations that can recharge my SE batteries. These, of course, totally differ from person to person. For me, calling up close friends and talking to them for a bit usually works. Or, talking to a random friendly stranger - especially if that stranger is really strange - since I get fascinated by people with very different (and strange) views on life.
I suppose the act of getting myself into a conversational mode is what helps me recharge.
Emotional missles (good term!) definitely knock down my SE too. And that totally makes sense. Those feelins all require a lot of mental energy to process. With all that energy being used up, there's little left over to socialize.