Leslie Magic
September 28th, 2008"Hey stupidhead, that's my cup of latte!" Leslie shouts.
The guy looks down at the latte, snorts, and takes a gulp. "I don't see your name on it," he huffs. Fuming, Leslie starts to wave her hands through the air.
A Knight in Shining Armor
September 21st, 2008- Setting:
- Looking at a model home within a new gated community. Besides the doorway stands a suit of armor.
- Me:
- Um, excuse me sir, but why is there a suit of armor in this model home?
- Sales Agent:
- We're trying to give you a feel for the types of houses that we offer in this community.
Security Scare at the Airport
September 14th, 2008So here's how it went down:
I'm on a Delta Song flight from JFK to SFO. The plane is mostly packed. I'm towards the rear. Although it's around dinner time, the lights are dimmed, and most of the passengers are asleep.
Nose Trouble
September 7th, 2008Barney cautiously leans over the "pad thai" and sniffs. Sniff sniff.
Suddenly, a tendril of pad thai leaps up and grips his nose. He yelps! The tendril snakes into his left nostril and out the right one.
Liquid Cocaine
August 31st, 2008You know what I love? Liquid Cocaine.
Back at my previous job, there are cozy cafes that serve up free espressos, cappuccinos, lattes, chai teas, and more. Every so often, the baristas would concoct special drinks with different blends of syrups, like the Mint Chocolate Chip (mocha with mint syrup) or the Strawberry Shortcake (macchiato with strawberry syrup and whipped cream).
A Good Cold One
August 23rd, 2008"After a long, hard day," Sunitha says with a breathy sigh, "there's nothing I like better than to down a good cold one."
She picks up a bottle of Negra Modelo and tosses it back expertly.
Fun for Twenty Bucks
August 17th, 2008- Tim:
- I bet you can't eat that wad of wasabi for $10.
- Me:
- I bet YOU can't for $20.
Give Me Your Girl and I'll Give You This Hat
August 10th, 2008Overheard on a NYC subway ride several years ago:
- Setting:
-
Inside the 1-train, a preppy Caucasian guy is sitting slouched in a seat next to a tanned blond Caucasian girl. His arm is around her. She has on a really short skirt.
An African American guy comes in and takes a seat across from the couple. He's wearing a cowboy hat.
The San Francisco Marathon
August 3rd, 2008"I was immediately intoxicated with a beginner's enthusiasm: the very special thrill of exertion and a feeling that my body had vast capabilities. Of course, I tried to use all of my youthful but untrained muscle energy on that first run and then had to hobble around for a week, almost too sore to move. But once the soreness diminished I was back out there, running again. I was hooked."
- J. Galloway
- J. Galloway
My nipples were hard. The early San Francisco air was icy. We had a few more hours before the sun would tickle the air and vibrate its electrons. Thus, my nipples were hard.
Guy Code
July 27th, 2008
"Bros before hoes, dude, bros before hoes."
- Some guy
- Some guy
An intricate filament weaves through the nebulous psyches of Y-chromosome-bearing hominids. A fiber that is as delicate as it is tenacious. I'm talking about, duh, Guy Code.
