Mike Lee.org - Weekly Random Rambles, Musings & Writings of Mike Lee

Leslie Magic

September 28th, 2008
By Mike Lee

"Hey stupidhead, that's my cup of latte!" Leslie shouts.

The guy looks down at the latte, snorts, and takes a gulp. "I don't see your name on it," he huffs. Fuming, Leslie starts to wave her hands through the air.

(Read on...)

A Knight in Shining Armor

September 21st, 2008
By Mike Lee
Setting:
Looking at a model home within a new gated community. Besides the doorway stands a suit of armor.
Me:
Um, excuse me sir, but why is there a suit of armor in this model home?
Sales Agent:
We're trying to give you a feel for the types of houses that we offer in this community.

(Read on...)

Security Scare at the Airport

September 14th, 2008
By Mike Lee

So here's how it went down:

I'm on a Delta Song flight from JFK to SFO. The plane is mostly packed. I'm towards the rear. Although it's around dinner time, the lights are dimmed, and most of the passengers are asleep.

(Read on...)

Nose Trouble

September 7th, 2008
By Mike Lee

Barney cautiously leans over the "pad thai" and sniffs. Sniff sniff.

Suddenly, a tendril of pad thai leaps up and grips his nose. He yelps! The tendril snakes into his left nostril and out the right one.

(Read on...)

Liquid Cocaine

August 31st, 2008
By Mike Lee

You know what I love? Liquid Cocaine.

Back at my previous job, there are cozy cafes that serve up free espressos, cappuccinos, lattes, chai teas, and more. Every so often, the baristas would concoct special drinks with different blends of syrups, like the Mint Chocolate Chip (mocha with mint syrup) or the Strawberry Shortcake (macchiato with strawberry syrup and whipped cream).

(Read on...)

A Good Cold One

August 23rd, 2008
By Mike Lee

"After a long, hard day," Sunitha says with a breathy sigh, "there's nothing I like better than to down a good cold one."

She picks up a bottle of Negra Modelo and tosses it back expertly.

(Read on...)

Fun for Twenty Bucks

August 17th, 2008
By Mike Lee
Tim:
I bet you can't eat that wad of wasabi for $10.
Me:
I bet YOU can't for $20.

(Read on...)

Give Me Your Girl and I'll Give You This Hat

August 10th, 2008
By Mike Lee

Overheard on a NYC subway ride several years ago:

Setting:

Inside the 1-train, a preppy Caucasian guy is sitting slouched in a seat next to a tanned blond Caucasian girl. His arm is around her. She has on a really short skirt.

An African American guy comes in and takes a seat across from the couple. He's wearing a cowboy hat.

(Read on...)

The San Francisco Marathon

August 3rd, 2008
By Mike Lee
"I was immediately intoxicated with a beginner's enthusiasm: the very special thrill of exertion and a feeling that my body had vast capabilities. Of course, I tried to use all of my youthful but untrained muscle energy on that first run and then had to hobble around for a week, almost too sore to move. But once the soreness diminished I was back out there, running again. I was hooked."
- J. Galloway

My nipples were hard. The early San Francisco air was icy. We had a few more hours before the sun would tickle the air and vibrate its electrons. Thus, my nipples were hard.

(Read on...)

Guy Code

July 27th, 2008
By Mike Lee
"Bros before hoes, dude, bros before hoes."
- Some guy

An intricate filament weaves through the nebulous psyches of Y-chromosome-bearing hominids. A fiber that is as delicate as it is tenacious. I'm talking about, duh, Guy Code.

(Read on...)

 Page 4 of 49 :  First  ... « Previous 2  3  [4]  5  6 Next » ...  Last