Such a 3D Computer Animation Kid

3yo:
I’m going to work too.
Wife:
Oh really? What are you going to do?
3yo:
I’m going to do Minions work.
Wife:
Oh really?
3yo:
Yea. And you do Incredibles work.

A Girl Like Me

3yo:
Daddy, can you grow your hair long?
Me:
Why?
3yo:
So you can be a girl like me!

Making Chores Look Fun

3yo:
Daddy, I need to vacuum!
Me:
Only if you ask nicely.
3yo:
Daddy, may I please vacuum?
Me:
Okay.

Apparently Food Tastes Better as a Stick

Me:
Carrot?
2yo:
Yuck no.
Me:
Carrot stick?
2yo:
Yummy yah!

Family of Poop

After taking a particularly big poop on the potty, the toddler proudly declared:

“I pooped through my butt! I pooped a whole family. There’s Mommy, Daddy, big sister, little sister, Grandma, Grandpa, uncle, and auntie.”

Good to see her sense of family pervades all aspects of her life.

Toddler Logic

2yo:
I want banana.
Me:
*Gives banana*
2yo:
I DON’T WANT BANANA! *Throws tantrum*

The Apprentice Becomes The Master

2yo:
Daddy, did you go pee pee?
Me:
Yea, why?
2yo:
That’s great! Good job! You get a sticker!

What Did You Sing In School Today?

Me:
What did you sing in school today?
2yo:
Wheels On The Bus.
Me:
How do you sing that song?
2yo:
*Pauses to think* With my mouth.

Let It Go

2yo:
*Brrrt*
Mommy:
Did you just fart?
2yo:
I Let It Go.

On Being a Stay-At-Home Dad: Cooking

I’m not much of a cook. I once looked up directions on how to boil an egg after my egg “exploded” in the hot water (it’s actually a thing; search for it on Google).

Another time, I boiled a pot of macaroni, then went to change my newborn’s diaper. I didn’t remember to check on the pot until after a round of tummy time and belly zerbers. The water had boiled off and the macaroni was burning.

I won’t tell you about a third incident, except to say: did you know that oatmeal can catch on fire? I didn’t either.

We try to feed our kids healthy natural foods as much as possible. Home-cooked meals are a great way to achieve that in a cost-efficient manner. That’s a driving impetus for me. That, and the sense of accomplishment from not burning the house down.

“I didn’t burn the house down today hon!” I’ll tell my lovely and talented wife.

“That’s great hon,” she’ll answer.

She is a genius cook. I don’t even try to match. She has this ability where she can taste a dish and guess its key ingredients fairly accurately. Me, I’m lucky if I can tell there’s bread in the hamburger I’m eating.

But I know that experience is what I need. The more I boil eggs, make macaroni, and cook oatmeal, the better I’ll become at making healthy meals and knowing that, hey, there’s also beef in my hamburger.