"Can I ask you something off-topic? If a family pet dies, how long can you keep it in the freezer?"

I froze. Slowly, I turned my head. A woman with incredibly large and red hair was barking into a pink Motorola Razr.

"That's too short! How could it possibly last?"

I quickly fired up my laptop. This conversation was too good not to record.

"No, no, that wouldn't fit. If it's too small, I don't feel anything."

Huh? Was she talking about family pets or…

"Hahaha! I know! I did that too! It tickles!"

I scratched my chin. My dirty mind conjured up a plethora of potential topics, many of which I'm sure were way way off.

"Oh, and last night, I had to set my monkey on fire."

Yes, apparently I was way waaay off.

"Uh huh. Yea, that too. Uh huh. Well, why don't you just go and do it?"

Yea, just do it. Set your monkey on fire too.

"So who was that man I saw you holding hands with at the coffee shop last week? Uh huh. Sure. Uh huh."

Sounds like they're off the monkey fire thing and onto something scandalous. Ooo.

"Oh my! Yes, that really IS small!"

Ouch.

"Well… when did you first suspect your mother was gay?"

I glanced at her again. She tilted her head and pursed her lips in an expression of grave concern. She was quiet for a few moments.

"Yeah, and he lied to me about dying too!"

Whoa. Were they still talking about the gay mother? Or…?

"The cat keeps on attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He's wicked-dominal."

Wicked-dominal. Now that's a new one.

"No, no, I was full when I got to the library. And then, I was empty."

And then she was quiet for another few moments. I'd pay anything to hear what was on the other side of the conversation. But hearing this side was already hella interesting.

"My head swung like a pendulum… I had a brain injury, but it's okay because the part of the brain that got injured, the doctors are unsure of its function."

A brain injury. That explains so much.

"Yea, okay, okay. I'll talk to you next time. Have a good night! Bubbye now."

Then the woman with incredibly large and red hair shut her pink Motorola Razr and I could overhear no more.

. . .

What have you overheard?