Men Are the New Women

“There’s that phrase again.”

“What phrase?” I sat forward to listen to the TV.

“Men are the new women. I heard it on another show a few weeks ago.”

I shifted on the couch. “Men are the new women, huh? You think it’s true?”

“Oh yea, definitely.”

I picked up a water bottle and took a swig. The TV continued on. “How so?” I asked.

“Well,” she looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I know a lot of guys who are like chicks. They’re all super-sensitive and emotional. Not that I want to say that’s how all girls are. But they’re not… they’re just not Men, you know?”

I shook my head. “Deja vu. I just had this same discussion a week ago.”

“It’s true. Sometimes I just want a guy to be… I don’t know. I want him to be solid and confident and assertive. I want him to be rational and logical.”

“You want him to be a Man.”

“Right.” She nodded, then studied the floor. “I’m the girl, so I should be the one who gets to be emotional and irrational. I’m already emotional and irrational. So if I go out with a guy who’s the same way, we’d both go crazy.”

“You know, someone should write a thesis on this. There are so many topics to touch upon. Feminism, post-modernism, capitalism, metrosexualism, paternalism, maternalism, the list is endless.”

She made a hearty laugh and rolled onto her back. “So true!”

“I know a lot of guys who are the sensitive-types. Many of them think this is what women want.”

“What? Really? Well,” she paused and stared at the wall. “A lot of women want gender equality…”

“And thus, these guys are tending toward the middle. They’re moving away from stereotypical male roles and adopting stereotypical female roles…”

“I don’t know about that. The guys I’m seeing seem to be total chicks. They’ve moved too far and are total chicks now, you know?”

I regarded this with a chin rub. “Hmm.”

She sighed. “You’re probably right. And it’s a shame. Personally, I want a Man, not a chick.”

“And if you wanted a chick, you’d just go for one.”

“Uh huh, right,” she smirked.

“And if you did, that would be so cool. Take lots of photos and let me know.”

“Funny.”

“To be honest, I know a lot of girls who’ve complained about this. They all say they want a Man and not someone who’s full of drama. They’re like you: strong, ambitious, independent. A modern woman…”

“I’m a modern woman?”

“…let me finish. Yea, a modern woman. And yet, you all want a traditional guy, a stereotypical Man. It’s an ironic contradiction.”

“Yea, well… I just don’t want a guy to be wuss. I’m already a wuss, I don’t need another in my relationship, you know? And I think… I think a lot of modern women are like that too. The guy can be sensitive and help with household chores. But if he’s going to be full of drama, then he’s taking gender equality too far.”

“So would you want a guy who says you should be pregnant, barefoot, and in the kitchen? Who sits around watching sports while you make his dinner and bring his beer?”

“Well, no. That’s too far the other way. There’s got to be a balance.”

“Ah,” I nodded. “So that’s it. You just hit it on the head. There’s a line to being a modern Man. Go too far, and you’re a chick. Don’t go far enough, and you’re a pig.”

“Right.”

“It’s a shame for you women that too so many guys go to far, huh?”

She sighed again. “Yea…”

We both mindlessly stared at the TV. Random images flickered and flashed. A woman in a bikini, a man driving a car, a house with a white picket fence.

I chuckled. “There’s just no pleasing you women, is there? Such drama and complications!”

She gave me an evil eye and shook her head. “Funny. Keep that up and I’m gonna kick your ass.”

I leaned back into the couch. “Kick my ass, huh? How aggressive of you. I don’t think it’s just Men are the new Women. I think it’s also: Women are the new Men!” I made a hearty chuckle, then braced myself for an ass-whipping.