What is maturity?

Realizing how uncommon maturity is can be a sobering thought, just like realizing how uncommon common sense is. This awareness is often coupled with the recognition that age and maturity share no mutual bonds.

What exactly is this concept we call maturity? There are many ways to define it. I believe it was Oprah Winfrey (or was it Ann Landers?) who said, "A sign of maturity is when you do something good and resist the urge to tell anyone about it."

There's also this short essay from an unknown author:

What is maturity? Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction. Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain. Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging set-backs. Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse. Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, "I was wrong." And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so."

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities; then they do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed - and the wisdom to know the difference.

Striking, isn't it? That is perhaps one of the best descriptions of maturity I've found.

If you ask a psychologist about maturity, the doctor may tell you about Intellectual Maturity and Emotional Maturity, and the non-existent bond to Chronological Maturity (age).

Intellectual Maturity is academic or occupational knowledge. This is what you learn from school or work; this is objective information that can be tested and evaluated. Emotional Maturity encompasses social interactions, emotional balance, and self confidence. The above essay beautifully portrays this.

The psychologist may describe maturity as:

The ability to give and receive love
Emotional maturity fosters a sense of security which permits vulnerability. A mature person can show his vulnerability by expressing love and accepting expressions of love from those who love him.
The ability to face reality and deal with it
The immature avoid facing reality. Mature people eagerly face reality knowing the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it promptly. A person's level of maturity can be directly related to the degree to which they face their problems, or avoid their problems.
Just as interested in giving as receiving
A mature person's sense of personal security permits him to consider the needs of others and give from his personal resources, whether money, time, or effort, to enhance the quality of life of those he loves. They are also able to allow others to give to them.
The capacity to relate positively to life experiences
A mature person views life experiences as learning experiences and when they are positive he enjoys and revels in life. When they are negative he accepts personal responsibility and is confident he can learn from them to improve his life.
The ability to learn from experience
The ability to face reality and to relate positively to life experiences derive from the ability to learn from experience. Immature people do not learn from experience, whether the experience is positive or negative.
The ability to accept frustration
When things don't go as anticipated the immature person stamps his feet, holds his breath, and bemoans his fate. The mature person considers using another approach or going another direction and moves on with his life.
The ability to handle hostility constructively
When frustrated, the immature person looks for someone to blame. The mature person looks for a solution.
Relative freedom from tension symptoms
Immature people feel unloved, avoid reality, are pessimistic about life, get angry easily, attack the people closest to them when frustrated. The mature person's mature approach to live imbues him with a relaxed confidence in his ability to get what he wants from life.

Before you tell yourself that you must be immature because you don't satisfy these descriptions, please remember that maturity is a subjective and comparative trait. Your brother may be immature compared to you, and you may be immature compared to your sister.

What the unknown author and psychologist fail to mention is that if you intend to measure yourself (or someone else) with their descriptions, you have to use a rolling scale. It's not black or white; you're not mature or immature. Maturity is in shades of gray.

While age doesn't correlate to maturity, life experience, over time, does increase one's maturity. The rate of increase differs depending on your inclinations, preferences, background, influences, and a host of other nature & nurture issues. But it will increase.

I've observed several common symptoms of maturity. An awareness, or curiosity, of maturity is generally the first step. Growing tolerance and acceptance of oneself often follows, with tolerance and acceptance of others close behind. With this is a greater understanding of oneself, from knowing one's limits and preferences to establishing realistic goals. Balance is another key point; balance in work and life, family and friends, needs and wants, idealistic thoughts and realistic thoughts. Finally, a solid sense of quiet self-confidence and peace enters the person.

We all exhibit maturity in different ways and we all mature at different paces. While it's sobering to see such a slow pace in so many people, it's comforting to know that those who strive for maturity will get there. I am not trying to imply that I am fully mature, but at least I strive for it.

. . .

What do you think is maturity?