See that guy running down Polk Street with an empty birdcage in one hand and a McDonalds bag in the other? The obvious thing to assume would be that his bird flew out of the cage while he was ordering a Big Mac meal, super-sized, and now he's chasing it.

But no, that'd be wrong. You see, the cage was empty already. He's running to the pet store to get a bird right now. He got the birdcage at Walgreens.

What happened was that he promised his daughter a new bird for her birthday. Only he forgot. And today's her birthday. So he's running to the pet store before she gets back from school.

Along the way he got hungry and decided to grab a Big Mac. Hey, a man's gotta eat, right?

He's a real Big Mac fan. Actually, it's the fries he likes. Nothing better to him than McDonalds fries. He thinks they're the best, really, he does.

Whoa, look at him go! He almost crashed into that couple there.

The girl looks agitated, but her man is trying to pretend as if nothing happened. He's the passive type, that's why. He doesn't want to get into any trouble, especially not with a crazy man with a birdcage.

She's always hated him for that. That passiveness. She doesn't really want to say so because he's so sweet and sensitive. But deep inside, she wishes he were more of a macho man.

He, on the other hand, is only acting sensitive and passive. It was all part of his Anger Management classes. He took them a few years ago and they've made him a totally different person.

Where he once would have taken that birdcage and wrapped it around that other guy's head, now he'll try to avoid conflict. For he fears the monster it may awaken inside of him.

Look, she's holding his hand again. She's dragging him over to that clothing boutique. See that girl inside? The one who's by the window, fixing the display mannequins? She hates her job.

Oh sure, she's smiling right now. But if better paying job came along, she'd quit in an instant.

She's looking at that seemingly lovey-dovey couple because she's jealous. See that jealous twist her face into a smile? That's totally fake. She has to put on a fake smile every day so that she can appear pleasant to her customers.

That's part of why she hates her job; the fake smiles.

Oh, did you notice that? Her and that passive guy gave each other knowing nods. Now he's pulling his girlfriend away.

The girlfriend didn't catch it, fortunately. If she did, she would have been pissed. She would have asked how he knows the clothing boutique girl, and he would have had to tell her the truth. The truth about him, and his past.

While he was in those Anger Management classes, he met someone. He didn't do anything at first, because he was too angry to think about meeting new people. But later, in a Sex Addiction class, he saw the same girl again.

So she has anger and sex addiction problems, just like me, he thought. Hmm.

Later that week, they hook up and have lots of angry, fighting sex. The painful, hitting kind. It's wild and they delve into realms so deep and dark that I couldn't bare to mention them.

But as their classes became more effective, their torrid relationship ended. They knew it couldn't last. Not with the level of pain they were inflicting on each other. So they went their separate ways. Her, to a clothing boutique on Polk Street, him to an insurance agency in Oakland.

See how she's watching from the window as he takes his new girlfriend away? She's smiling because it's her job and the Anger Management classes worked. Kind of.

Unlike him, she didn't quite feel the instructor's lessons sink in. They didn't really make sense to her.

In fact, she's packing right now. That's right, packing. As in, she's packing a Colt 44.

She got it after her ex-lesbian-lover turned on her one night in a jealous rage and tried to cut off her nipples with a plastic fork. She thought it was part of the sex at first, but when her ex-lesbian-lover began to foam at the mouth, she knew something was wrong, dreadfully wrong.

The funny thing was, the jealous rage was over an innocent smile to her male neighbor next door. But that was more than her ex-lesbian-lover could take.

So she tried to de-feminize her by attacking her nipples with the closest sharp object she could find—a plastic fork from last night's take out Chinese food.

Ever since the ex-lesbian-lover incident, the clothing boutique girl has been carrying around this Colt 44. It's an old gun she found in a pawn shop near her house. It's somewhat heavy in her purse, but she doesn't mind. It helps to remind her that she's packing.

And what she plans to do with that Colt 44 is something bad. Something very bad.

She used to practice on birds. Sometimes she'd buy a bird from a pet store and practice on it, because store-bought birds were less apt to fly away than pigeons.

Had the guy with the birdcage actually lost the bird in the city, she would have wiped out her gun and shot it.

But she's not here to shoot birds today. Oh no. She's here to shoot the mannequins.

Because they look at her funny. Or so she thinks. She swears that they're making fun of her, all of them. Behind her back, when she turns around, she swears they're making faces, mocking her. So that's why she's going to shoot them all…

…Um, okay, so that story didn't really go anywhere. Frightening where the mind can wander if you let it.

So hmmm, let me try again.

Okay, see that guy walking his dog by the fire hydrant? That innocent looking pup is really a killer attack dog, breed in a secret camp in Marin by ex-convicts and mercenaries-for-hire and actors who were rejected for The Rock because they were too scary looking, and…

. . .

What kind of stories can you make up right now?