I wonder what my life would be like if I was more of an asshole.

While having a few drinks with some friends, I became embroiled in a steady and intensive conversation with my friend Jen. She slurred and mumbled her words; I listened and offered opinions.

Throughout the discussion, I felt someone nudging me from behind. With a few curt peeks, I saw in my peripheral a guy with his back to me.

I dismissed the nudge. The bar was bustling with newcomers; bodies were packed like beer in cases. Surely he wasn't bumping butts with me on purpose. (Well, this IS New York City, so you never know.)

Jen took a seat at the bar while I stood by, still locked in dialogue. I was still being shoved from behind; this was beginning to perturb me.

As my friend spoke on, I quickly spun around to give the guy my "What the fuck?" stare.

I came face to face with a startling young lady staring back at me. It wasn't the guy after all. The crowd had been pushing this beautiful girl towards me.

Our eyes touched. It felt like hours and seconds all at once. She was beautiful. Her eyes were infinite and absorbing. Her charming smile invited me to say "Hi."

From behind, I heard Jen still talking. I blinked.

Smiling at the young lady, I turned around and returned to our conversation. We continued as if I never moved my head.

As we debated, Mark brushed behind me (offering a brisk "Excuse me") and said something to another girl at the bar. He yelled in her ear and, because of my proximity, into my ear as well. I couldn't help but overhear "Hey, my friend would like to meet you."

As my discussion with Jen continued, I saw Mark direct this other girl towards Steve. My peripheral caught Steve strike up a smile from the girl.

Jen and I traversed through our exchange for hours. I stole a few peeps behind me, and each time, caught the lovely sight of the beautiful young lady still standing there, despite all the hoopla with my friends.

To the other side of me was Steve merrily talking to the girl he had just picked up from the bar (with Mark's help, of course).

I wondered what it would be like to just pick up a stunning young lady like that. I had never done anything like that before. More importantly, I was involved in a deep discourse with a friend and didn't want to end that.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but I departed character and wondered… If I was an asshole, and abandoned Jen to start a conversation with the beautiful young lady behind me, what would happen? Where would the night have lead? A night of debauchery? Several months of romance? Years of intimacy? A lifetime in marriage?

Of course, a better question would have been: Would I even know the right words to say to a beautiful girl like that? With my luck and lack of Strangers-In-Bars Savvy, I would have garbled my words and babbled like a rabid rabbit.

Even more so, I know that I would never abandon a friend like that. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be an asshole.

. . .

Are you an asshole?