Lonely? Need a chick? Want to impress that cute girl at work but don't know how?

Well, your prayers are answered. Here are three easy steps you can use to hook that hot chick without breaking a sweat (at least, not until later in the evening!).

Step One: Make Eye Contact

You can't get anywhere if she doesn't know you're alive, right? You've got to initiate some kind of an introduction. You've got to make eye contact.

They say persistence pays off. Well, They're right! That's why They have girlfriends and you're still dating your right hand.

So when you see her at the water cooler or coming out of the restroom, you have to stare at her. Stare strong, stare hard, stare luridly. Don't even blink. That will break your stare.

Staring like a psychopathic killer will surely get her attention.

Step Two: Talk To Her

Now that you have her attention, you need to start some kind of verbal communication.

The easiest time to approach her is when he's in a chatty mood. Like perhaps when she's talking to the security guards about hauling your psychopathic ass away. You can obviously see her talking, so she must be in a chatty mood.

Or maybe you can corner her while she's alone in the kitchen. Walk up to her and tell her your name. It's as easy as that.

Don't forget to smile. A lot. Chicks love guys who have nice smiles. Show her your pearly whites (if you have coffee-stained teeth and need a quick workaround, office white-out can do wonders).

What do you say to her? The Opening Line is very important. It's a matter of life and death. Guys, if you do this part wrong, even in the slightest, you might as well be a priest 'cuz you'll never get any.

The Opening Line should be as flattering and candid as possible. Chicks love all that honesty crap.

  • "Hi. I'm the guy who's been staring at you like a psychopathic killer. Want to do lunch sometime?"
  • "Hey baby. How YOU doin'?" [wink wink]
  • "I appreciate your wearing that ultra-tight top. I don't need to waste precious brain cells trying to imagine what your breasts must look like."

The key here is to be honest. Just tell it like it is. Chicks will appreciate your candor and find your openness an alluring trait.

Step Three: Ask Her Out

Now the biggest and hardest step. Getting her to go out with you so you can tap that ass.

You can't let it be known that you want to end up naked with her, humping like epileptic bunnies. No. You've got to make it sound sincere.

This is where you really want to impress her. Chicks don't get naked for losers. You have to be original, intellectual, and suave.

Don't ask her to see a movie. That one has been used to death. Take her someplace more original. Like to a Metallica or Morbid Angel concert. Chicks never expect that.

You may want to consider something that shows your intellectual side. Like a museum or something nerdy like that. And when you do, make sure to use lots of phrases like "I appreciate the totalitarianism of this piece" and "oh, that is sooo 18th Century Italian utilitarianism." The more "-isms" you can throw in there, the better.

To show your suave side, take her to a French restaurant and talk to the waiter in French. Make sure you talk down to him too. The more you berate the bastard in a condescending way, the better. This will show her that you have culture.

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There you go. Now that you're armed with these three helpful tips, go forthwith and pick up some chicks!

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How do you pick up chicks?