"Bros before hoes, dude, bros before hoes."
- Some guy

An intricate filament weaves through the nebulous psyches of Y-chromosome-bearing hominids. A fiber that is as delicate as it is tenacious. I'm talking about, duh, Guy Code.

Now let's put it in guy language: there are rules among buddies that, if broken, mean the bud-hood is broken as well. These rules are learned early in life on playgrounds, then refined through the years.

Some guys aren't even conscious of them. They just "know" them, the same way they know how to catch a ball. Press them for an explanation and they'll say, "That's just the way it is."

So what are these elusive rules?

Don't date your buddy's ex or crush

This one is a doozy and probably the most well-known Guy Code of them all. Even if your buddy's ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is smoking hot, you can't date her. She's Off Limits. Otherwise, you'd be making a choice between your buddy and the girl. If you choose the girl, you're very likely going to lose the buddy.

Same goes for a girl your buddy likes. If he's got a crush on her and this is public knowledge (at least amongst the guys), then she's Off Limits. You can't touch her. Otherwise, you're crossing the Off Limits line and subject to scorn and deportation from the circle of friends.

There can be exceptions, however. If the chick is a buddy's ex-wife, she's forever Off Limits. No exceptions there. If she's a buddy's ex-girlfriend, there's an Off Limits Period, after which she is fair game again. Same goes for a buddy's crush.

How long is this Off Limits Period? It varies from guy to guy and depends on how much he cared for her (and how much he was hurt by her, if applicable). If he's still harboring feelings for her, then she's still Off Limits. If he's totally over her and could genuinely be cool with seeing you holding hands, hugging, and kissing this chick, then the period is over.

An indirect yet severe consequence of breaking this code is the loss of trust from that circle of friends. The other guys may not trust you around their wives, girlfriends, or crushes anymore. Losing trust is like smashing the Statue of David with a ball peen hammer; it's possible to rebuild it, but it will take a long time and will never be quite the same.

There's another potential exception. What if she's The One for you? It's as hard to find The One as it is to create a Statue of David; harder, even. If she's truly The One, then you'll need to have a difficult but earnest talk with your buddy. You may lose the friendship, but you may gain The One. It's a trade-off you'll have to make. (Just make sure she's really The One. No sense losing your buddies over a piece of ass.)

If you're lucky, he'll be understanding and mature enough to be happy for you, especially if he holds you in high regard and cares about your friendship. But if he has any inkling that she could have been The One for him, then you're going to have one pissed off ex-buddy on your hands.

Don't embarrass your buddy in front of chicks

A guy's ego being the way that it is, you can't stomp on it while in the company of chicks. Especially hot chicks. Not unless you want him doing the same to you.

Sometimes, such banter is more playful than competitive. Occasionally, it'll go too far. Guys are notorious for not knowing when something has gone too far. Tell a guy a fart joke and he can repeat it on and on and on and on, never realizing that he should have stopped at the eighth repeat.

Embarrassing your buddy in front of a girl he likes is like pulling down his pants and throwing ice at his balls. It's defacing him in a moment where he needs the most support. Worse, you don't just make him look bad, but you come off as a jerk yourself.

A good buddy talks his friend up, making him sound as if he has the mystery of James Bond, the heart of Harrison Ford, the success of Bill Gates, and the humor of Adam Sandler. Or whatever that girl likes in a guy.

Doing this will make you a good Wingman. For this, you will be rewarded with a good and loyal Wingman of your own one day, at least, as much as your buddy can muster. Failing this will ensure you won't be invited out again.

Don't take your buddy's beer

"Beer", in this context, is a metaphor for "stuff". Don't take your buddy's stuff. If he has the new Grand Theft Auto game and you covet it, don't steal it. Stealing is wrong, m'kay?

Let's take it from the other angle. You just purchased the new Nickelback CD. How would you feel if your buddy stole it from you? You'd want to punch his big fat face in, wouldn't you? Sure you would. And he'd feel the same way about you if you did the same.

Theft is also a major way to destroy trust between buddies. Without trust, you have nothing. No friendship, no buddhood, nothing. And if you try taking his beer, you'll definitely get a punch in the face.

Do buy your buddy a beer if he buys you one

If your buddy buys you a beer, repay him with a beer. If your buddy does you a favor, repay him that favor. Simple as that.

Nobody likes a cheap ass that never chips in and buys a round for his buddies. Especially if every other guy has purchased a round. If you're hard up for money and finances are tight, stay home. Or repay them with good deeds, like helping them move furniture or painting their house.

It is fine to be frugal, but not with friendships. One-sided friendships never last.

Do give your buddy a hand if he needs one

Along the same lines of buying your buddy a beer if he buys you one, give your buddy a hand if he needs one. Not all guys are good at asking for help. They think it makes them appear weak.

A good buddy can spot a friend in need before he asks for help. Even if you're an oblivious kind of guy, if you're truly a good friend, you'll know when your buddy is having a hard time. Maybe he just got laid off from work. Or got dumped by his girlfriend. Or found out his dog got hit by a car. Whatever. Any one of those cases is an obvious case for Grabbing a Beer.

Not that guys need an excuse to grab a beer. But when a buddy is down on his luck, you can show your support by buying him a beer. Alcohol will make any kind of heart-to-heart talk seem less sissy and more manly. Plus, both of you will enjoy getting hammered a bit.

What are other Guy Code rules you've followed or heard of?