Flakers
March 11th, 2007"You know what I hate? Flakers."
Tim nodded. "Oh man, me too."
"I thought people in New York were flaky. But damn, there are some flaky people in California." I shook my head and stared at my beer.
"You think so?" Tim shook his head. "Well, I don't know about New York, but yea, there are a lot of flaky people here."
We took slow sips and stared across the bar.
"For the record though," Tim added, "I don't flake. I just don't commit at all."
I laughed. "Yea, that's true. You can't flake, 'cuz you never agree to do anything."
He nodded. "That's why, see! Because I never commit to do anything, no one can ever call me a flaker!"
I sat back in my chair and held my beer up. "Cheers to that, man!"
We clinked glasses and downed some beer.
"You know who are flakers?" I rattled off some names.
"Oh, yea, totally. They totally are."
"It's funny that you agree. It seems like flaky people are just generally known to be flaky by all their friends."
Tim nodded. "They should just never to commit to anything like I do."
"I think you're on to something here, man." I took another gulp. "I wonder what makes people flaky though?"
Tim shook his head. "I dunno."
"Is it they have no respect for their friends' time? They're so self-absorbed that they'll do things only if they feel like it, without a damn for others?"
Tim shrugged.
"Or are they just so busy all the time that they forget about their commitments? Are they chronic over-committers?"
"That kind of sounds like it for some people."
"Or do they just forget? Maybe they have a poor memory and just forget about their promises?"
Tim took another chug. "Maybe all of the above?"
I shrugged. "Maybe."
We both finished our beers. I ordered a second round.
"You know what sucks? Every time someone flakes on me, I trust them less. For chronic flakers, I gotta admit, I barely trust them at all."
"Man, you're really pissed about this flaky thing," Tim chuckled.
"No shit I'm pissed! I hate it!"
"So you don't trust them anymore?"
I looked down the bar. "Well, maybe it's harsh to say that I don't trust them at all. But I'm not very apt to invite them to do anything anymore. Or at least not expect much out of them."
Tim nodded. "Yea, I know what you mean."
Our beers arrived. We took our glasses and took hearty gulps.
"See?"
"See what?" I asked.
"See, that's why I don't commit to anything. So I'll never flake!"
I laughed. "You know, that's not necessarily the answer. It's not about not committing, it's about not flaking. You should still make promises and be good about keeping them."
"No way man, too much pressure."
"Heh." I raised my beer. "Well, then, here's to not flaking then!"
We clinked glasses and downed some more beer.
Do you know any flakers
March 11th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I am a flaker. I flake w/ the best of em. Sometimes it's anxiety over a big crowd, sometimes it's something more important that pops up. My friends understand, and I appreciate 'em for that. That's why they are my friends.
Nobody's perfect =)
June 17th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Hear, hear! I'm with you! I HATE flakey people.. or er, flakes in general. I came to Southern California 10 years ago, but was a transplant from Oregon where people are pretty down-to-earth. I -totally- don't get the flakiness culture down here.. it's like, if you don't want to go, Why not just have the damn courtesy to say, "No, I won't go?" That's fine with me. It's like flakey Southern Cali's would rather cut off their arm than to say "No." Now I'm not sure about Northern Cali's.. I would imagine they're better than them here, especially the Orange County. Granted, you will find some true gems in between and those are my true friends. Also, I have noticed my friends from the east coast - especially less city-ish people, usually don't flake. And Europeans - forget it, usually flakeless and are wonderful friends who you can trust. I'm so glad you wrote this blog. Needed to vent. Sorry, I'll step off my soapbox now.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:48 am
I am European and don't try it there guys …some people might take it the wrong way, and you'll either get you ear burnt or worse. Southern Europe may be a little more flakesible. It is annoying and I think there are many reasons which I am going to attempt to list.
Cultural mix: A research paper suggests that where there is too much cultural diversity, people hunker down and withdraw. But flaking is not a symptom of that I don't think. The Anglo's are just as guilty. A hot climate tends to make people a little lazier, and we've all heard of manana. So geography and culture may have something to do with it.
Hedging: If something better comes along, life is too short so be an opportunist. The population is big enough to absorb the distress caused to others.
Poor scheduling: There are some people who are just bad at diarising, to-do lists, and time keeping. They have poor organisational skills and lead messy lives. This is a (dys)function of the brain or personality. Nobody's fault.
Copy cat behaviour: It happens to me so I do it to someone else either for revenge of because it seems to be the social norm. "When in Rome…"
Modern communications: The cyberspace syndrome, is beginning to change the way we behave. An email does not have the same social contractual stength as a telephone conversation, and is therefore easier to hide behind.
Freeways: Distance, and vast swathes of concrete or tarmac are a disincentive to go out. People are reluctant to make a firm committment when travel times are greater. Distance breaks down communities and people lose touch and forget how to communicate and be social.
Californians are amongst the friendliest people you can meet, but their flakiness seems to be in direct contrast with this. Maybe it's a fear of confrontation. Maybe the niceness is insincere, and impractical and people don't know how to balance it with every day situations.
There needs to be a debate.
July 5th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
That's a great analysis, Victor! Thanks!
August 26th, 2007 at 9:22 am
hey can someone please define the word flakey for me?!?! iv been trying to find a definition for it but cant. thanks! xx
August 26th, 2007 at 11:46 am
@dusty, here are some nice definitions. I hope they help:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flakey