It's been a while since I've had the energy to write. To be honest, I'm not really in the mood right now. But the cathartic nature of writing is what is compelling me to sit here and type. Not that I'm the one who really needs the healing.

If I could, I would send any ounce of curative energy I might feel to you right now. Fortunately, you're no longer in the hospital and are with your parents, resting & recuperating. A little bit of extra energy wouldn't hurt though, right?

The hospital. I've never been comfortable in a hospital. I could never be a doctor. All those smells and sights and sounds make me feel real uneasy and queasy.

Seeing you in there unleashed a deluge of different emotions. I'm not sure I can name all of them, but I know there was sadness, anger, and helplessness.

Sadness in seeing you lying there in pain. With those IV tubes on your arm and tray of pills & water by your bed. Each time I saw you, my heart tightened. You were in such agony. I was starving to see you smile.

Anger in the infection that was hurting you. All I wanted to do was to grab those germs out of your body and strangle them with my bare hands. I hated those germs with a passion. Personifying them as physical bad guys whom I could slaughter made me feel better, though only by a little.

Helplessness in not being able to do anything to make you feel better. All I could do was stand there, watching you in pain. If I could, I would have absorbed all of that suffering and taken it into my own body. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't do anything. And that inability to help shook me to tears.

There was also guilt for the selfishness I exhibited over my work. Sure, I can make excuses and rationalize that my work has been extremely busy these last few weeks. A number of issues all seemed to coalesce into the same time period. There were days I felt my head was about to explode. But what is that compared to the distress you felt as you laid there in the hospital?

There was also hope. I know it sounds out of place here, but there were a few times when I did catch you smiling. And it was great seeing all of your friends visit you and send colorful bouquets of flowers. There are a lot of people who care about you and want to see you get better.

Then came the day when the color returned to your face and you cheerfully talked about your roommate. Quite a character your roommate was. I'm glad there was some kind of comic relief in your hospital room.

I'm really thankful that you're feeling better now. Please let me know if there is anything else that I can do for you. I still wish there was more I could do.

When you're feeling well enough to go out again, I'll take you out for some pearl tea. It may not be much, but I hope it will help.