Emily Post

Men, listen up: Do you want to know how to get the woman of your dreams?

There are a few very simple things you can do that will bring a smile to most women. Some call it etiquette, some call it chivalry, others call it gentlemanly behavior. I just think of it as something nice to do for female friends, family, and strangers.

But however you think of it, you may be surprised to learn that a large majority of men out there don’t do this. Or maybe you won’t be surprised, because you don’t do it either.

That’s okay. This would never occur to most men. And that very fact is what makes this so powerful. The rarity of these acts can charm women like catnip for cats.

Not to mention it distinguishes you from the rest of the pack. You’ll stand out among the crowd.

Most importantly, these acts were originally designed to make another person’s daily life somewhat easier and more enjoyable.

To put it another way, they are a “code of behavior based on kindness, consideration, and unselfishness,” writes Peggy Post, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law.

Kindness, consideration, and unselfishness; those are the most important reasons to follow a code of etiquette. That you’ll appear more unique and charm woman are only side benefits, though I mentioned them first because I know how you guys think (I gotta play to my audience after all, don’t I?).

“If this would never occur to most men, how the hell did it occur to you?” you ask? Good question.

It began with my being a consultant earlier in my career. Being a consultant means knowing how to impress a client. This includes both verbal and physical tact, something many junior consultants learned by watching their more experienced colleagues.

Then I heard somewhere that Anderson Consulting (or was it PriceWaterhouseCoopers?) had their junior consultants go through etiquette classes for things such as how to cut your steak and which fork is your salad fork.

Taking that cue, I picked up Emily Post’s “Etiquette”. It’s been an excellent resource for my consultant days, and life thereafter.

Later, I was staffed in London. While there, I was exposed to European ideas of chivalry and etiquette. Emily Post had most of it in her book, but I had never seen that much of it in practice before. It was “Kate and Leopold”-type stuff, and it looked great. So I adopted those behaviors and made them my own.

“What kind of behaviors exactly are you talking about?” you ask? Another good question. Boy, you’re good at this.

This includes more commonly known acts like opening doors for women. You’d be astonished to hear how many women don’t know a single guy who does this. At least, this is what I’ve heard from the women in the States.

Then there’s helping a woman with her coat, whether it means taking it off or putting it on. Simple enough, yea?

Next comes pulling a chair out for a woman. It’s been lamented that because this act is so rare, most women don’t know what to do when men do this. Many sit right down in the seat after it’s been pulled out, which requires them to pull themselves towards the table.

As the code of etiquette states, a woman should position both feet underneath the table, as if she’s already sitting down. She bends her knees slightly; she can’t stand straight up because her legs are underneath the table. Then the man pulls the chair in under her, so she can sit right down with no need to pull herself towards the table. Make sense?

There’s also the curbside rule; when walking on a sidewalk with a woman, the man should walk between her and the curb. Read “Etiquette” if you’re curious about why; props to you if you can guess why.

I’d like to stress that I never began doing this stuff just to impress women. It started as set of behaviors that would garner me respect from my clients, male and female. Then, while working in London, I saw so many people following codes of etiquette as a normal part of life that I privately felt ashamed that so many of my friends in the States never experienced this.

It’s also always heartwarming to see a friend smile after doing something as tiny and simple as helping her with her coat.

I’d like to see more women smiling. So men, go out and grab yourself a copy of “Etiquette” and maybe a “Kate and Leopold” rental to pick up a few kind, considerate, and unselfish behaviors.

And who knows, maybe along the way, you’ll find the woman of your dreams and be able to make her smile.

Do you follow the rules of etiquette?