Dating Assholes

“Why do so many girls go for assholes?” Ken asked.

I shrugged and took a swig of beer. “Maybe it’s not as simple as that.”

“Huh?” Ken shifted in his seat. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe those girls don’t think those guys are assholes.”

Ken sighed. “I don’t know. I’ve seen some girls with guys who are very obviously assholes. The asshole factor runneth high in them.”

“True, true. I’ve seen that too.”

We both stared at our beers and watched the bubbles drift around our glasses. An attractive brunette entered the bar with a tall, muscle-bound guy holding her hand. As the brunette found them a table, the guy surveyed the scene and ogled the other women in the bar. Another, rather buxom girl smiled at him and he winked at her.

“Case in point,” Ken muttered.

“That was a rather uncanny and timely example.”

“So why do you think that girl is with him? He seems to be flirting with other girls in the bar, even though he’s with her. What’s up with that?”

I sat back in my chair. “Well, I can only think of two reasons why a girl would date an asshole. One: She likes the bad-boy type. She likes assholes.”

Ken scoffed. “Why in the world would anyone willingly want an asshole?”

I took a swig of beer and paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Well, in a girl’s eyes, a bad-boy type is generally more fun. They’ve been around the block a few times and that experience makes them more mysterious, enticing, and exciting.”

“That’s such bullshit.”

“On the flip side, a nice-guy type, in a girl’s eyes, is more boring. They haven’t explored much of life yet and don’t have that aura of mystery and excitement. They’re more conservative and wholesome, which translates to less fun.”

Ken tossed back a mouthful of beer. “I think that’s total bullshit, man. I mean, I know you’re right because I’ve heard the same crap before. But I think that’s such fucking nonsense.”

“Your outrage is well-placed, my friend. I think these bad-boy and nice-guy stereotypes are just that – stereotypes. And they end up hurting guys who don’t fit into either stereotype.”

“Stereotypes suck…” Ken muttered.

“The girls who go for bad-boy types also believe they can change the guy. They want to believe that they are the ones who can turn a bad-boy around into a nice-guy.”

Ken shook his head and stared at his beer. “So how is a nice guy supposed to win? Should I be an asshole then? Is that what girls want? For me to treat them poorly and cheat on them and make them feel like shit?”

“Not all girls are like this, man. Like I said, these are just stereotypes. You want a girl who likes you for who you are, right? Then the type of girl who goes for a bad-boy type wouldn’t be the type of girl you’d want.”

“I still think it’s nuts that girls would actually want assholes.”

“Each to his own, right?” I took another gulp of beer. “Okay, reason number Two: She doesn’t know he’s an asshole. Maybe she isn’t that experienced herself and the guy is a player and has her fooled.”

“I’ve heard girls deny up and down that they’re with an asshole.”

“Because they just don’t realize it, right?”

“Yea. It’s like, they just don’t see through his bullshit.” Ken shook his head. “And even if you tried to tell them that they’re with an asshole, they wouldn’t believe you. They’d argue with you until your face is blue.”

“Love is blind.”

“Good God I hope it’s not love. More like lust, I would say. Because, like you said, the guy is an experienced player and has her fooled.”

“I think girls in those kinds of situations eventually know. And if they don’t, the guys don’t stay with them very long, because the challenge of getting that girl is over and they’ll want to move on.”

“This kind of stuff kills me!” Ken sat up in his chair and shook his head defiantly.

“Remember man, that we’re talking in absolutes here. Labeling someone an ‘asshole’ is a pretty strong statement. Every one of us has good and bad aspects to our personalities. You may be 10% bad-boy and 90% nice-guy, or 40% bad-boy and 60% nice-guy. But the traits that we see as being ‘assholic’ in nature exist in all of us.”

Ken scoffed again. “Okay, fine, so I’m partly an asshole too. But I would never treat a girl poorly. I would never look around at other girls while I’m with her in a bar, like that guy.”

We looked over at the muscle-bound guy and attractive brunette. As if on cue, we caught him glancing at the female bartender.

I chuckled. “Heh, right, okay. But you do curse like crazy.”

“What?!” Ken barked. “And you don’t? You curse like a goddamn New Yorker!”

“I am a fucking New Yorker.”

“Was. You was a fucking New Yorker.”

I chuckled again. “Oh yea. Shit, you’re right. So I’m partly an asshole too.”

Ken sighed and slide back in his chair. “I still think it’s messed up that girls date 100% assholes. Or even 90% assholes. I can understand why, but I still think that’s messed up.”

We stared at our beers and watched the bubbles drift around our glasses again, lost in a moment of thought.

. . .

Why do you think so many girls (or guys) date assholes?

  • Ihavenoneed2dothis

    imo..if you’re not looking actively for a relationship you will dismiss women you date easily and not show more than a passing interest (just fun/sex etc).  This doesn’t mean you’re an ahole if you’re clear about your intentions but it sure does make you alluring to the the ladies. Women appear to be fascinated by someone who doesn’t pay 100% of their attention to them and  hence the old hard-to-get cliche.  On the otherhand, if the couple are in a serious monogamous relationship and the guy’s eyes stray then yes,  he’s a major asshole. lol

  • Bikeon

    Short and simple: assholes are good actors. They can make themselves seem like the nicest, most genuine guys on the planet. They can make a girl fall in love with this perfect persona of a man. Then they make you bleed.

    I had two long term relationships with genuinely nice guys before my asshole. I never loved anybody more than my asshole because for the first six months, he treated me better than any of those other nice guys. He had me, and then he let his cover slip. I left him, but it left a huge hole in my heart, because I was remembering how he used to be, thinking he could be that way again.

    This is why girls date assholes.