Dating Assholes

“Why do so many girls go for assholes?” Ken asked.

I shrugged and took a swig of beer. “Maybe it’s not as simple as that.”

“Huh?” Ken shifted in his seat. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe those girls don’t think those guys are assholes.”

Ken sighed. “I don’t know. I’ve seen some girls with guys who are very obviously assholes. The asshole factor runneth high in them.”

“True, true. I’ve seen that too.”

We both stared at our beers and watched the bubbles drift around our glasses. An attractive brunette entered the bar with a tall, muscle-bound guy holding her hand. As the brunette found them a table, the guy surveyed the scene and ogled the other women in the bar. Another, rather buxom girl smiled at him and he winked at her.

“Case in point,” Ken muttered.

“That was a rather uncanny and timely example.”

“So why do you think that girl is with him? He seems to be flirting with other girls in the bar, even though he’s with her. What’s up with that?”

I sat back in my chair. “Well, I can only think of two reasons why a girl would date an asshole. One: She likes the bad-boy type. She likes assholes.”

Ken scoffed. “Why in the world would anyone willingly want an asshole?”

I took a swig of beer and paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Well, in a girl’s eyes, a bad-boy type is generally more fun. They’ve been around the block a few times and that experience makes them more mysterious, enticing, and exciting.”

“That’s such bullshit.”

“On the flip side, a nice-guy type, in a girl’s eyes, is more boring. They haven’t explored much of life yet and don’t have that aura of mystery and excitement. They’re more conservative and wholesome, which translates to less fun.”

Ken tossed back a mouthful of beer. “I think that’s total bullshit, man. I mean, I know you’re right because I’ve heard the same crap before. But I think that’s such fucking nonsense.”

“Your outrage is well-placed, my friend. I think these bad-boy and nice-guy stereotypes are just that – stereotypes. And they end up hurting guys who don’t fit into either stereotype.”

“Stereotypes suck…” Ken muttered.

“The girls who go for bad-boy types also believe they can change the guy. They want to believe that they are the ones who can turn a bad-boy around into a nice-guy.”

Ken shook his head and stared at his beer. “So how is a nice guy supposed to win? Should I be an asshole then? Is that what girls want? For me to treat them poorly and cheat on them and make them feel like shit?”

“Not all girls are like this, man. Like I said, these are just stereotypes. You want a girl who likes you for who you are, right? Then the type of girl who goes for a bad-boy type wouldn’t be the type of girl you’d want.”

“I still think it’s nuts that girls would actually want assholes.”

“Each to his own, right?” I took another gulp of beer. “Okay, reason number Two: She doesn’t know he’s an asshole. Maybe she isn’t that experienced herself and the guy is a player and has her fooled.”

“I’ve heard girls deny up and down that they’re with an asshole.”

“Because they just don’t realize it, right?”

“Yea. It’s like, they just don’t see through his bullshit.” Ken shook his head. “And even if you tried to tell them that they’re with an asshole, they wouldn’t believe you. They’d argue with you until your face is blue.”

“Love is blind.”

“Good God I hope it’s not love. More like lust, I would say. Because, like you said, the guy is an experienced player and has her fooled.”

“I think girls in those kinds of situations eventually know. And if they don’t, the guys don’t stay with them very long, because the challenge of getting that girl is over and they’ll want to move on.”

“This kind of stuff kills me!” Ken sat up in his chair and shook his head defiantly.

“Remember man, that we’re talking in absolutes here. Labeling someone an ‘asshole’ is a pretty strong statement. Every one of us has good and bad aspects to our personalities. You may be 10% bad-boy and 90% nice-guy, or 40% bad-boy and 60% nice-guy. But the traits that we see as being ‘assholic’ in nature exist in all of us.”

Ken scoffed again. “Okay, fine, so I’m partly an asshole too. But I would never treat a girl poorly. I would never look around at other girls while I’m with her in a bar, like that guy.”

We looked over at the muscle-bound guy and attractive brunette. As if on cue, we caught him glancing at the female bartender.

I chuckled. “Heh, right, okay. But you do curse like crazy.”

“What?!” Ken barked. “And you don’t? You curse like a goddamn New Yorker!”

“I am a fucking New Yorker.”

“Was. You was a fucking New Yorker.”

I chuckled again. “Oh yea. Shit, you’re right. So I’m partly an asshole too.”

Ken sighed and slide back in his chair. “I still think it’s messed up that girls date 100% assholes. Or even 90% assholes. I can understand why, but I still think that’s messed up.”

We stared at our beers and watched the bubbles drift around our glasses again, lost in a moment of thought.

. . .

Why do you think so many girls (or guys) date assholes?

Author: Mike Lee

An idealistic realist, humanistic technologist & constant student.

48 thoughts on “Dating Assholes”

  1. Here’s why…they may be assholes when they drop you or cheat on you, but while “the asshole” is focused on you, he is interesting, charismatic, and fun.

  2. it’s all about the balance and your confidence regarding what you think you can handle.

    1. there has to be something good about him somewhere

    2. if not, there has to be a reason why (traumatic childhood, relationship, lack of guidance)

    3. chalk it up to your own experience and growth that you are mature enough and independent enough to be with such a one and not be stressed

    4. he must be with you for a reason. makes you feel somewhat desirable/attractive for a time being

    5. rationalize that yes, there’s something of that quality in every guy anyway

    that being said:

    have i dated any flat-out assholes? YES
    did any of the guys i dated completely lack all assholish tendencies? NO
    do i think that i had/have the equally and inherently bitchy characteristics to match all levels of assholishness that i put up with? NO
    do i believe that there are guys who aren’t assholish in some way? POSSIBLY, but that would depend on what you choose to define as assholish behavior: insensitivity, lack of tack, the whole mars/venus issue, etc.

  3. A friend once said that not everyone is entirely an asshole (or a nice person) all the time. Depending on sitatuations, that side comes and goes. Relationships like this – sometimes it’s lust. Tt feels good to be “loved” by someone who has such control over when he wants to give you attention and when he doesn’t. Leaves you wanting more and keeps wondering why you can’t have it all. Those are for ppl who have a lack of self-esteem and don’t know that they deserve better. I’ve been there in this way.

    Some (or a lot of) ppl just have “assholish” qualities in some aspects of their personality, not in its entirety. like.. i am not a bitch per se, but i can be a bitch. how can I be a bitch? or when? it all depends on the situation. It’s buddhist to not be bitchy/assholey at all and to not date people who get bitchy or assholey. More so than not, however, the balance is hard to maintain. It’s hard to find 100% nice people, and sometimes it’s just plain bad luck and/or bad karma! ;)

  4. well well well..i think its because most of the time its the @ssholes who has enough balls to straight up ask that girl out without dancing around it! nice guys..or well clueless guys might have waited for the milk to expire..get it get it??

  5. I never know why I date bad boys. I guess the sex is so darn excellent first of all. I think most women want men who can keep our attention. A guy who always says yes and kisses our asses are too predictable. They don’t have balls! A guy who isn’t so nice takes all our attention to please. They keep us on our toes. They make us want to stay attractive and fit. They make us use all our emotions, pleasure or pain, we like that as women.They make us feel like the women we want to be!

  6. Im currently dating an ASSHOLE and made a list of the top 10 reasons why i can justify calling him an asshole and they are as followed-see if u can relate to any of them
    1)He’s a straight up asshole!! he actually sent me a text message calling me a bitch and then when he tried to call me and i didnt answer(gee wonder why) he text me again saying fuck you. That to me is abusive and completly disrespectful
    2)He lies alot-never keeps his word and makes plans with me but never sticks to them
    3)He’s always “too busy” to talk to me on the phone or make the time to see me when i wanna see him. He also claims he’s under too much pressure and has too much on his mind with his work which to me just sound like excuses
    4)He’s overly jealous and completly lacks trust in me although ive never given him a reason to be that way
    5)He’s so immature and i feel like i can never have a serious conversation with him
    6)He lacks respect for other woman in his life including his own mother and sister
    7)He’s not even that attractive yet he’s so cocky and seems to think he can get any girl he wants(HA!)
    8)He just cant seem to keep me happy its like he deliberatly tries to piss me off all the time
    9)He’s taking away from my energy and focus on my own life and whats important to me(school, work, friends/family)because my mind seems to always be thinking about his stupid ass
    10)Last but definately NOT least- he makes me actually believe him when he tells me he loves me and has never felt the same way about another girl yet the majority of the time his actions dont demonstrate acts of love and caring.

    I’ve broken up with him several times already but then he’ll call me and we’ll make up and things will be ok for a little while but recently i broke things off with him again because i couldnt handle his assholism and now i want him to call me so we can make up because ill admit i kind of do miss him(he’s really the only person who tells me he loves me)but he hasnt called and i dont wanna call him and im just so confused- i dont know if i want to try and make things work once again and end up getting hurt again or just call it quits once and for all and still end up getting hurt-anyone whose gone through a breakup knows its not easy…..Any Advice???????

  7. Some relationships are like drug addictions. You know you should quit, but have a really hard time doing so because of the withdrawal effects.

    Sounds like yours could be such a case.

    I’ll speak in generalizations here, because I don’t know the exact details of your case.

    For some people who are “addicted” to assholes, they usually have a parent who exhibits the same behaviors as the asshole. This is not an insult to the parents; it’s just a statement of fact.

    Children always crave their parents’ love. Growing up with “assholish” parents deeply effects those children; it warps their mental model of people and those assholish traits become what they look for in boy/girlfriends.

    Asshole boy/girlfriends essentially replace their parents – and they crave the love of those asshole boy/girlfriends just like they did their parents.

    This isn’t really advice on which you can act, but if this situation applies to you, then realization is the first step to recovery.

  8. that is so true and now that u mention it i think thats exactly the situation- i think sometimes u so desperately want to hear someone tell u that they love u especially someone of the opposite sex that you’ll end up tolerating a lot of bullshit and when u grew up watching one of ur parents exhibiting that same kind of behaviour u start thinking its normal i guess. And u end up settling for a lot less than u deserve but now that ive started to focus more on myself and what i really want and need from a relationship im learning to let go of the person who is not able to or at least willing to give me that. Its true that u go through withdrawal like symptoms as like any other addiction but u learn to move on with ur life especially when u spend ur time and energy more productively. Thanks for the advice:)

  9. I like you Raya what you said got me thinking about the guy in my life and our relationship. Reading it from someone elses point of view makes me feel less like a fool for actually wanting my guy back. We have a heart and they don’t which makes us easy suckers for those people who want to make other peoples lives miserable.

  10. I know what ur saying Malika-I felt like a fool for wanting my boyfriend back after the way he treated me but then i kept telling myself that if i get back with him and nothing changes (which was always the case) then i end up settling for a lot less than what i deserve in a relationship. And I realized that how much a guy loves and respects me is a reflection of how much i love and respect myself-If you feel like you are a smart, beautiful, confident, and indepedent person then you will never again put up with bullshit from any guy, regardless of how connected you may feel with him or how lonely you might feel without him…..but take it from me that if you keep giving your bf chances after he hurts u your not doing yourself a favor because your missing the opportunity to meet someone who will know how to treat u right…..it all comes down to whether or not u are happy and whether or not ur needs- whatever they may be are being met. Do what’s right for u and just know that life will go on without him….

  11. Quite honestly – all the assholes that I have really spent much time with, I won’t put up with just any asshole, have been friends of mine long
    before they became boyfriends – that is where the
    problem lies… We were great friends then decided
    to change the relationship – then its almost immediate asshole, I was so shocked by it and kept
    wanting my friend to reappear instead of this asshole that invaded his body that I would wait way
    too long before I realized this is how he treats women he is romantically involved with. Well, forget that – I would rather be his friend and hopefully be able to wipe the memory of him as
    asshole/boyfriend out of my mind to be able to salvage a long friendship. The old friend cross/over to asshole/boyfriend dilemma. The best thing is to usually just tell them to fuck off and
    shock them back into reality and forget trying to
    change a relationship that worked into one that
    is totally absurd.

  12. i agree with what some of you said and disagree from some of you – the matter of the truth is that yes girls are unaware of the fact that it is an asshole they are dating and when they realize it they have already been “classically conditioned” to this guys behavior. being condition is something that happens from childhood and contniues through out your entire life. the girl i recently dated wants to get away from her babys father because of how he treats her, so she says … i understand that they have a child together and they will always be connected. right now i believe she is testing the waters. to see where she can go with her life. and she still has a lost of growing to do. however the best way to see how a guy will be with a female is how he treats his mother and other female relatives. i admit i fell in love with her and told her i understand it always turns out that way. my heart gets broken, but i might add that i am still around doing the same as i have always been – on valentines day she got roses and a teddy bear from me not her babies dad! needless to say i am going to win out eventually with school because of how i am to her and the respect i show her. it was just the wrong timing ~ robert

  13. This is all so incredibly stupid. It’s just stereotyping and blanket statements. I wish all of you would just pull your heads out of your asses.

  14. Heh. It’s ironic that “This is all so incredibly stupid” is itself a blanket statement. Not that I’m saying the conversation here isn’t about stereotypes, because, you’re right, it is. I just like pointing out irony.

  15. well there’s revengeworld.com, where u can put story and pictures of your asshole ex. oh and they have to be naked pictures, cuz ppl like seeing naked pictures and it’s more humiliating of your asshole ex.

  16. why do girls like assholes?
    1. if a guy or girl is pretty attractive, they dont have to be nice or have a personality to get very far. respsect just comes to them. perhaps they think they’re being rewarded for being jackasses.

    2. these same ppl will sometimes get more respect from their friends for more asshole-ness. girls see this respect, and will love his asshole side more.

    3. talking to assholes at the beginning stages of dating is easy. the asshole feels cool enough to say whatever comes to his mind, and he end up looking pretty smooth for it. conversations go pretty well with assholes, if hes really going for you, he will tell you you’re beautiful in the first 30 minutes of talking, without shame.

    4. the girl does not realize he’s an asshole because she can excuse or ignore his asshole traits for the other things that she’s learned to like about him, i.e., curls in his hair, he likes to work out.

    these reasons assume the asshole already has many good things going for him. if a guy is an asshole, and generally unattractive, not a smooth talker, or is dumb, he wont get anywhere from just being an asshole.

    when we see a girl with an asshole, we see his bad qualities overwhelm his good. meanwhile, she tries to justify to herself that the opposite is true.

    i write this because i liked assholes, because, yes, a lot of them have attractive qualities. but now i’m dating a very (very!) nice guy, with the same qualities that i really liked in assholes. he’s a rare nice guy, i have to admit. good luck nice guys and good luck ladies.

  17. I think it bugs the hell out of most men that women just simply do not get that they are dating an Asshole or they simply refuse to believe that he is an asshole as the case in point stated above/below

    “We both stared at our beers and watched the bubbles drift around our glasses. An attractive brunette entered the bar with a tall, muscle-bound guy holding her hand. As the brunette found them a table, the guy surveyed the scene and ogled the other women in the bar. Another, rather buxom girl smiled at him and he winked at her.”

    I think women that are with assholes like the one in the example above are simply so naive and have their mind so set the asshole will simply “change” or that the women can change him!!! Asshole men will NOT CHANGE they only put on a FACADE to make you think they have or will change but once an asshole ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE not matter WHAT!!

    Assholes DO NOT HAVE ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES that’s why they are ASSHOLES. All ASSHOLES DO is lure you women in so you believe they are the so called “good guys” but in reality the assholes are only wanting to simply get laid and then you are GONE and while you are at home crying to your 150 friends that he wont change to your liking the assholes have 10 other women lined up to go screw!! PLEASE you are SO SHALLOW when you say he is a RARE NICE GUY!!! There are tons of NICE GUYS and most of them are not PUSHOVERS or WUSSIES as SO many women Classify the “nice guys”. So many of the nice guys have the qualities of the so called “bad boys” that so many women want but without the “asshole” qualities. Us nice boys just hide the bad boy identity until needed and women do not GET THAT!!!

    Also why the hell do women constantly want a man to “fix”??? Men are not god damn projects!! But yet at the same time women will bitch, moan and cry when we want our women to change and they will say well so you don’t like me for who I am?? Well that is the exact same for men but for some stupid reason women feel they have A RIGHT to be able to CHANGE THEIR MAN that’s just a load of CRAP!!

  18. ADVICE to Raya,

    Some advice for you and it is quit EASY/SIMPLE Dump the ASSHOLE it’s that simple and quit going back to dating the ASSHOLES!! You have exactly made all our mens point once an asshole he is always going to be an asshole/abusive jerk/duschbag that does not deserve you. But again you make another point by going back to him and that is you so badly want to think he will change and thats what he wants you to think also but he NEVER WILL it will always be the same!!! See when the asshole comes crawling back to you for some wierd reason you feel sorry for him and it’s all a ploy that the asshole man is playing with you to lure you back with him just so he can get laid again!! For us men it’s such a simple answer it’s like DUH there are so much better men out there for you but he has you wrapped around your finger and since you keep going back to him you must like being used and abused. Then women after they have the asshole BF and are so abused like you they seem to get into this pattern and like these assholes that treat you like pure SHIT and ONLY USE YOU!! Also quit trying to think you can make things “work” thats what the asshole wants you to believe is it will work and reality is it in this particular relationship it won’t ever work because he is who he is and he will not change!! Leave the DIRTBAG and get someone that treats you well and likes you for who you are!!

    The ASSHOLES are exactly as you described below!! See we men can say this stuff and we know it’s true because WE ARE MEN and we know how guys THINK but most women refuse to hear it and turn their deaf ears ON!!! But it’s so DAMN TRUE!!

    “Im currently dating an ASSHOLE and made a list of the top 10 reasons why i can justify calling him an asshole and they are as followed-see if u can relate to any of them
    1)He’s a straight up asshole!! he actually sent me a text message calling me a bitch and then when he tried to call me and i didnt answer(gee wonder why) he text me again saying fuck you. That to me is abusive and completly disrespectful
    2)He lies alot-never keeps his word and makes plans with me but never sticks to them
    3)He’s always “too busy” to talk to me on the phone or make the time to see me when i wanna see him. He also claims he’s under too much pressure and has too much on his mind with his work which to me just sound like excuses
    4)He’s overly jealous and completly lacks trust in me although ive never given him a reason to be that way
    5)He’s so immature and i feel like i can never have a serious conversation with him
    6)He lacks respect for other woman in his life including his own mother and sister
    7)He’s not even that attractive yet he’s so cocky and seems to think he can get any girl he wants(HA!)
    8)He just cant seem to keep me happy its like he deliberatly tries to piss me off all the time
    9)He’s taking away from my energy and focus on my own life and whats important to me(school, work, friends/family)because my mind seems to always be thinking about his stupid ass
    10)Last but definately NOT least- he makes me actually believe him when he tells me he loves me and has never felt the same way about another girl yet the majority of the time his actions dont demonstrate acts of love and caring.

    I’ve broken up with him several times already but then he’ll call me and we’ll make up and things will be ok for a little while but recently i broke things off with him again because i couldnt handle his assholism and now i want him to call me so we can make up because ill admit i kind of do miss him(he’s really the only person who tells me he loves me)but he hasnt called and i dont wanna call him and im just so confused- i dont know if i want to try and make things work once again and end up getting hurt again or just call it quits once and for all and still end up getting hurt-anyone whose gone through a breakup knows its not easy…..Any Advice???????”

  19. As an aspiring asshole, I truly found your comments useful girls. I look forward to breaking your collective hearts … good evening.

  20. Another reason women like assholes are these type of women have extremely low self esteem and don’t believe in themselves. They also most likely have either been abused by a previous BF or a family member and think they cannot get any better and get into the “asshole” BF relationships. Wouldn’t be refreshing if you dated a respectful guy that doesn’t treat you like SHIT and actually likes you for who you are!!! But hey if the women that date the assholes like being USED AND ABUSED AND THE ASSHOLES ARE ONLY AFTER ONE THING AND THEN LEAVE YOU hell know one will fell sorry for you until you get hit in the head so many times that finally a light will actually come on and you ladies WILL ACTUALLY WAKE UP AND SEEK THE GOOD GUYS OUT!!!

  21. Also women have this HUGE GENERALIZATION OF MEN: they think the “NICE MEN” are too MICE and always are “WUSSIES” and DON’T HAVE BALLS!!! WOMEN ARE SO MISGUIDED ON THAT POINT. There are a few NICE MEN THAT DO HAVE THE WUSSIE CHARACTERIZATIONS But for the most part the NICE MEN do have bit’s and pieces of the “Bad Boy” tendencies in them but without the ASSHOLENESS and ARE JUST AS FUN IF NOT WAY MORE FUN THEN THE ASSHOLES. But hey if a lady dates the “assholes” she then must be a total BITCH or develops into a total BITCH because her man is always an asshole and that’s how she copes is to become a total BITCH!!

  22. *sighs* it’s sad but sometimes we women go through shit (years and years of dumping bad BFs) only to find one or maybe two really decent ones and then go through separations due to work/studies/distances/family/race/Godknows what else. you think that’s fair? of course, we tell ourselves we deserve better, then we pick ourselves up and move on.

    maybe there’s a time and place for everything. I believe in that. something good has to come outta so many years of looking/searching/hurting/waiting.

    but what Mo says is just so demeaning. your long redundant rants simply tried to say that we women are generally dumb. if you write/talk like that, I seriously doubt you can treat your women any better. “Misguided women”??? dude, I’m afraid for all the women you’ve tried to offer/force/impose advice on!!

    you oughtta be a nice male like Mike here (he is a nice sappy dude with lotta heart). Mo, quit trying to impersonate an alpha male which you obviously aren’t. in case you don’t know what that is, try reading some books or watch Discovery or Animal Planet???

    “Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill. in the case of relationships, I guess, out of the many wrong turns, eventually the ladies out there could really get lucky by meeting the right men. so why can’t we wish people love, huh??

  23. Ughhh I have to write as I am so frustrated with the Female species!!! Why is it that almost all women think they must date an asshole and a super super tall guy???? Women just simply do not get it!!! Are most women just simply stupid in the dating game? But yeah like you x’ine you say the male Mike is a nice sappy guy but let him ask you out and you will throw him to the curb because in your mind and many other women’s minds you see Mike the sappy guy as a “nice guy” and thus you will think of him as a wussy and you will turn around and get a guy that is such an asshole and keep wondering why oh why did I get rid of mike? You’ll keep wondering this while your asshole boyfriend is cheating on you with his 3 other ladies while you think he really cares about you and in reality the asshole could give a rats ass about you. But oh wait Mike on the other hand is way to nice to give him a chance!!! I myself a, a nice guy and do have a heart but I am just telling the truth here and I bet most men will agree with me!! You might want to reread Mikes observation!! Mike is simply making a statement that so many men observe!! You can say what you want but you know that what Mo says 99.9% true for most women!!

    Also women answer men this question why do most women these days really truly believe that they can honestly tell on a first date if a guy will work out or not? I think women self sabotage themselves because they go on a first date and yes there are times when people can tell on first dates that it will or wont work out but that is an extremely small percentage. But anyway most women self sabotage themselves on first dates because they think they can tell that the guy is good or not good for another date so women put on so much pressure on men that they must be so damn good, carry on such an excellent conversation on the first date or the women will be like oh well he wasn’t great on the first date so no second date for him!!! It gives the men no second chance at all!! What if the man was simply nervous and it takes him a couple dates to get into his groove?

    So let’s ask a simple question. You women then never ever get nervous or have a hard time on a first date? What if it was reversed on dates and it was men that said to women “oh she didn’t have a good first date so no second date for her” I and so many other guys can guarantee you most women would be flaming PISSED, upset and we men would not here the end of it if that happened to you ladies!! There are not many men that go on a first date and have a slam dunk first date that rarely happens and most of that is played up in movies where the man on the date makes the women weak at her knees. I’m not saying that there should not be expectations on first dates there should be expectations on first dates and on. But women shouldn’t expect so much on first dates and women would get much much further in dating to give a lot of men more than one chance and would have a lot better success!!

  24. it’s simple. Women want a jerk in the bedroom and a gentleman in public. It’s just like that “lady in the streets, whore in the bedroom” thing that some men seem to have going on. Unless a woman has strong domme tendencies, she does not want to take a perceived “sissy boy” to bed. So, guys…..there is nothing wrong with being nice, chivalrous, and even a little awkward at times. (some women go for that). But when it’s time to get busy, we want a man that’s all man, because it helps us to feel more like a woman.

  25. I’ll tell you why. Asshole asks girl out before the other guys do. Asshole then works on breaking the victim-girl into loving him. For example, he shows her he is not an asshole by helping old ladies cross streets or any other dramatic stunt. He becomes a hero. He is the most “sensitive” “kind” “sweet” male ever and he is also witty and attractive. All her friends tell her how lucky she is to have found such a gem… This goes on for a full 6 months to a year. When he is certain he has this girls heart wrapped around his bulging muscular finger he then becomes sloppy, for he can now reveal his asshole qualities and control this girl. If she leaves him he can call up and cry, tell her he will die without her. If she gets back with him then he can further abuse her by saying her love for him was just not strong enough since she dumped him so that is why he is putting her down.If she stays she gets emotional abuse etc. If she leaves she knows in her heart she loves this asshole and she isn’t “following her heart” she feels a big gaping hole sucking the life out of her, but with him it isn’t as big and gaping.

  26. well this guy treats me like shit n stuff makes me beg n stuff maakes me cry n hurt n worry n think bout him n he has me up his nose.

    he even talked to me in this very mean voice once

  27. When a nice guy is nice it really doesn’t feel special but boring. However, when an asshole is nice to you it feels like you are the center of the world. The validation at that moment is so much higher than a nice guy can ever give which is why people keep going back for it.

    1. Boring??????????? So you just think life must always not be boring??? Life must always be exciting every single day?????? You are so dreaming, fooling and kidding yourself. Yes there will obviously be days, weeks, months that are not going to be that great and sometimes “boring” that’s called LIFE!!Life is not all roses and all happy and hunky dory every day…

  28. I knew he was an asshole before I dated him- but when he got interested in me he acted nicer, which is what attracted me to him. And after a few months, he gradually started injecting the asshole behavior into tthe relationship and he ended up being an emotionally abusive boyfriend, who would laugh at me when I told him that he was. Girls, if he is an asshole with everyone else, including his friends and family, don’t think he won’t become that way with you when you’re in a relationship! They put on the nice front to get you. I guess though, that his assholishness to others combined with his being nice to me, did make me feel like a queen a little. But 100% asshole is not attractive, he had his good moments…

    1. No, 100% asshole is DEFININTELY NOT ATTRACTIVE.
      Great post, I been there a million times. I am a freak-magnet.

  29. ok boys you wanna know the truth…. Not my personal opinion but, this is how it is with most women. Read really closely…you ready…ok. The “nice” guys that no woman seems to want to go for doesn’t have the “bad boy look”. Women don’t want bad boys, we are not that stupid! We just want the bad boy look, not the behavior…We like muscles, tight asses, tattoos, shaved chests blah blah blah. Maybe some women like the piercings who knows. Just like men, women are also visual creatures and we like hot men! It just so happens that 90% of the hot men out there are “assholes”. Eventually after getting our heart broken a zillion times we change our tune. Just like in high school you boys used to gawk at the popular chick wearing the short skirt and imagine what you would do to have her as your girl. Same thing.

    And you know what, really Men and Women are both guilty of dating retards. there’s guys who treat women like crap, and there’s women that treat men like crap. See my take on this is some of those “assholes” out there weren’t always “assholes” til some chick came along (in a short skirt of course lol) and ripped his damn heart out. And us as human beings repeat what we have learned. So we all are to blame for our shallow superficiality. We like beauty, and unfortunately every rose has it’s thorn.

  30. With an asshole at least you know what you are getting.

    Nice guys pretend to be all nice but get all pissy when they don’t get something in return. It doesn’t work that way.

    1. Geeze you’d think women would learn… Nice guys are assholes in disguise but without the abuse :)!!! Women think that all these “nice guys” are these wussies, doormats blah blah blah… Um yeah what ever totally a generalization…… Yeah there are some wussies, and doormats but you know what you can also find wussies and doormats also come from the assholes as well. But even more is that most of the assholes are wussies and doormats. They are assholes for a reason and that generally is because either one of their parents are asshole or something like that. Also women that like assholes generally have low self esteem, are just wanting to act out for a few yrs, possibly their family isn’t that well put together or she maybe never had the “father figure” in her life and has “trust” issues.

  31. Judge people by who they date. Why be interested in a woman dating an asshole? I feel sorry for her the same way I feel sorry for a man dating women too young for him, & so I take no interest in those men.
    Besides that: sometimes it's just luck o' the draw–there are an awful lot of assholes out there!

  32. Interesting comments, thanks. Obviously, a lot of people here have dated assholes or have stood by, shaking their head silently as someone else we knew proceeded to date an asshole and then ask, “Why is ___ such an asshole?!”

    I dated two assholes. The first began as a nice guy. He was a virgin when I met him in college (I didn't know that), but as our relationship continued, the “too nice a guy” who always was thought to be a nerd and so unhip, gained a lot of confidence (and I'll say, experience) with me and soon starting being an asshole. Basically, he wanted to get his ho'ing on, but that is not what made an asshole. What made the former “nice guy” an asshole is that he didn't have the balls to say that so we could break up and go on about our own lives without the drama of cheating and foolishness. He was young and I was young and we were in college, so I'm not bitter about that.

    In hindsight, I realize that what I thought was a “nice guy,” actually wasn't. Not because of his behavior at the end of our relationship, but because I realize that he was ALWAYS an asshole, he just never had the confidence and the opportunity to act on it. He was always the one the fine women (black people tend to say “fine” vs. “hot,” lol), did not see. He wore glasses and wasn't all that smooth-talking and tried a little too hard, very earnest. Admittedly, I didn't start of being physically attracted to him. What won me over… and please bear with me because even I want to GAG thinking how much of cliche this is that I'm writing…but because he wasn't FINE or that overtly sexy as so many other brothers were on campus, what won me over was the fact that he tried a lot harder to actually get to know me, vs. spending every minute insinuating and implying that we might have sex, which is what most of the so-called fine men were doing. That was their “game,” a lot of sexual innuendo and superficial chit chat. Constantly playing 20 questions to try to see if you were “THAT freak” that they could work into their roster of weekly booty. The guy I dated actually talked intelligently about a lot of things. He clearly had “home training” and was very respectful of women, period. He had a great sense of humor and thought I walked on water. It was six weeks before I actually realized that he'd been timing his visits to the Student Lounge to coincide with when I got of class and went to check my mailbox. He always made it look casual and coincidental. Then, one day he brought me a homemade pie that his beloved mother had made, I started to take a second look at him. He “could be” sexy, in a squint and focus only on his hard body kind of way. After a few unofficial dates, (I was still dragging my heels about seeing him for my own personal reasons unrelated to him), I started warming up. After a while, we were happily a couple and it was cool for a while.

    The second asshole was a certifiable asshole. No nice guy turned ho. The nice guy had gone away a few years before I met him. What ensued was 10 years of foolishness that could be an urban street novel right now, lol. Granted, I am an asshole too now at this point, so we got we put out, that's for sure, but I'm going to tell you the main reason why I stayed with the asshole, long after I had grown up a bit and was working actively to not be such an asshole myself:

    * Women do mistakenly think that guys will change for us. Doesn't matter if dude was a d_ _ k for the other 10 girls we saw him with, we think our…feminine charms and unique, awesome selves will help this asshole see the light and turn into the man we see. We get caught in the “potential” game, and that is game men work very well to their advantage. Flip side is, I don't see many men dating women for their “potential.” You better believe that woman better have demonstrated x, y, and z before he even begins contemplating some kind of real relationship and future with her. Many of us women think we can and will change guys by our sheer perseverance, loyalty, and fabulousness. Yeah, right.

    * Women are lazy daters. What I mean is, we would rather make it work well with one guy than rotate a roster of suitors all the time. We think we won't be able to find the ONE if we have shown any lack of devotion by actually dating other guys simultaneously. Problem is, we then latch on to that one guy emotionally far quicker and longer than we should, ignoring all red signs and trying to stubbornly “wait him out.” That's an AWFUL way to date, but we don't actually receive that message. Women get another message on what we are supposed to be doing during our awesome, fertile teens and 20s. We are told to look for some great guy to marry, while guys are busy trying on every hat they can get their hands on. My biggest regret is that I wasted so much of my youth in useless long-term relationships (5 and 6 years long) before I even knew who I was, all the while, lying to myself about the assholes I was with.

    *I had invested so much with the aforementioned assholes, that I was too embarrassed to throw in the towel. Walking away would mean I was a failure. Walking away would mean that maybe I wasn't as fabulous as I thought I was. Walking away would mean trading the asshole was with, with the asshole down the street. I'd stayed so long, I figured that most guys that were trying to be with me were assholes, too, and NOT EVEN AS GOOD-LOOKING OR SMART as the assholes I already knew. Why bother, I asked myself. Why get back in the dog and pony show game of dating with these uber-hos only to trade one set of lies for another?

    *Which leads me to my last reason. I had little to no self-esteem. Well, very low. I started to think that I could only attract assholes (mind you, none of these guys were physically abusive or anything extreme like that, they were just lying, womanizing, philandering typical males who slap each other over the back every time they “hit” it.). Though I see in hindsight, one was textbook sociopath. The only thing he didn't do as an adult was kill animals or people, lol!

  33. I think there are levels of assholes such as men that are the permanent assholes that are always the ones that are always mean to people, abusive always rude, don’t have good manners and just constant pricks. Those are the assholes that eventually ends up being alone a lot because after awhile his friends, girlfriends etc get sick and tired of his assholeness, start to ditch him, make excuses to not go hang with him.

    Then there are the guys that can be assholes without being mean, rude and knows how to not be a prick. Such as assholes probably should be called mischievous assholes that like to pull pranks such as for instance I consider myself this type lol where examples (as a kid trying to get a stick stuck in a bicycle spoke while moving and watching friend fly off bicycle by succeeding getting stick stuck in wheel spoke while moving), (throwing the M40 firecrackers that couldn’t be put out with water into friends toilet and blowing up friends toilet lol), laugh at people that trip, I guess maybe it’s called the mischievous asshole lol :).

  34. I think there are levels of assholes such as men that are the permanent assholes that are always the ones that are always mean to people, abusive always rude, don’t have good manners and just constant pricks. Those are the assholes that eventually ends up being alone a lot because after awhile his friends, girlfriends etc get sick and tired of his assholeness, start to ditch him, make excuses to not go hang with him.

    Then there are the guys that can be assholes without being mean, rude and knows how to not be a prick. Such as assholes probably should be called mischievous assholes that like to pull pranks such as for instance I consider myself this type lol where examples (as a kid trying to get a stick stuck in a bicycle spoke while moving and watching friend fly off bicycle by succeeding getting stick stuck in wheel spoke while moving), (throwing the M40 firecrackers that couldn’t be put out with water into friends toilet and blowing up friends toilet lol), laugh at people that trip, I guess maybe it’s called the mischievous asshole lol :).

  35. I think also women don’t realize that they can just as easily be out of their leagues. There’s a lot of women that think she’s “all that” and she can get any guy in the world and they aren’t. They think they are this 10 or 12 when really they are a 7 or 8.

    I also believe that men yeah we like to obviously BS about hot women blah blah blah but at the same time I think men realize when particular women are just a fantasy vs reality. Men figure out what they can really get where as I think it’s blurred for a lot of women. I think a lot of Women think oh since I’m a lady/women I can just get any guy on the planet which is complete BS.

  36. imo..if you’re not looking actively for a relationship you will dismiss women you date easily and not show more than a passing interest (just fun/sex etc).  This doesn’t mean you’re an ahole if you’re clear about your intentions but it sure does make you alluring to the the ladies. Women appear to be fascinated by someone who doesn’t pay 100% of their attention to them and  hence the old hard-to-get cliche.  On the otherhand, if the couple are in a serious monogamous relationship and the guy’s eyes stray then yes,  he’s a major asshole. lol

  37. Short and simple: assholes are good actors. They can make themselves seem like the nicest, most genuine guys on the planet. They can make a girl fall in love with this perfect persona of a man. Then they make you bleed.

    I had two long term relationships with genuinely nice guys before my asshole. I never loved anybody more than my asshole because for the first six months, he treated me better than any of those other nice guys. He had me, and then he let his cover slip. I left him, but it left a huge hole in my heart, because I was remembering how he used to be, thinking he could be that way again.

    This is why girls date assholes.

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