On Being Whipped
June 15th, 2008"What's that in your hand?" she asked.
"Oh, it's something I got for my girlfriend."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh my God, you are so whipped."
Stupidness
Archived Entries from this Category
How To Tell You Have Been Whipped
June 8th, 2008"Dude, you are SO whipped!"
"What? No I'm not. What are you talking about?"
"You just called her for the third time tonight, and now you're going to take off and help her clean her apartment? You didn't even finish your beer yet. Dude, you're whipped!"
I'm More Blind than You!
May 18th, 2008"Why are people always trying to brag about how bad their eyesight is?"
Ken adjusted his glasses and shrugged. "People brag about their eyesight?"
My arms flailed about furiously as I nodded. "Hells yea. People are always saying, 'How bad is your eyesight?' 'Well, mine is worse.' 'Oh yea, I can't even see that sign over there. I'm as blind as a bat.' I'm so sick of that."
A Nasty Story from a Hospital in China
November 25th, 2007"You want to hear a really nasty story?" asked Christina. We all leaned in close. She noted our silence and continued.
"One day, this young teenage girl comes into the hospital. She's a peasant from a village outside the city. I could tell she grew up on a farm because she had a dark tan and tattered clothes. She was maybe only fourteen or fifteen years old.
Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?
September 2nd, 2007Short answer: Hells NO.
Long answer: It depends. Don't lie to me and tell me you're over your ex-boyfriend, then have me find a photo of him in your camera, taken two days ago, with him standing half-nekkid in your apartment. That kind of thing is what we call denial, or a Big Fat Lie. I'm just sayin'.
Instigator
July 15th, 2007"You're such an instigator," my Dad told me.
"Instigator?" I wondered. "What does that word mean?" I had no idea. I was in pre-SAT grade school at the time. So I looked it up in a dictionary.
Looking Back
June 10th, 2007It's funny to look back at all the dumb things you've done and wonder how you got through it all, isn't it?
Like that time you climbed onto the roof of your house and told your cousins you could fly. Or that time you climbed onto the roof of your school because you were messing around with a substitute teacher. Boy, you sure like to climb onto roofs, don't you?
Or maybe that's just me.
Flakers
March 11th, 2007"You know what I hate? Flakers."
Tim nodded. "Oh man, me too."
"I thought people in New York were flaky. But damn, there are some flaky people in California." I shook my head and stared at my beer.
The DECA Program Guide Cover Contest
December 10th, 2006I don't win many awards. Hardly any, in fact. So it was a big surprise when I won the Program Guide Cover Contest for DECA's NY Conference in high school for a second year in a row.
The main speaker was pretty surprised too, apparently. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Dating Assholes
September 24th, 2006"Why do so many girls go for assholes?" Ken asked.
I shrugged and took a swig of beer. "Maybe it's not as simple as that."
"Huh?" Ken shifted in his seat. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe those girls don't think those guys are assholes."
