Category: Q & A
“What do you think life would be like if we evolved from ducks?”
She looked up into the sky and, without missing a beat, replied, “There would be a lot more going on in the sky, that’s for sure.”
I blinked. “Really? You didn’t want to think about that first?”
She gave me a look. One of those Of course peanut butter goes with jelly! looks.
“Okay. So there would be a lot more going on in the sky. Like what, floating buildings?”
“Oh, definitely. Since ducks can fly, there would be all kinds of floating buildings.”
“Definitely.”
“Definitely,” she nodded. “And there would be sky traffic lanes and zoned spaces.”
“Zoned spaces?”
“Sure. That piece of sky over there would be commercial. And over there, residential.”
“Ah.”
“There would be buildings on the ground too. Because ducks can also walk, you know.”
I slowly nodded. “Of course, of course.”
She looked back up into the sky and stopped talking. I scratched my chin. Shifted my weight. Then I asked, “So you disagree with the Howard the Duck scenario?”
She gave me another look. One of those, Did you just fart in the car? looks. “What?” she asked.
“Howard the Duck. In his world, things aren’t floating. Everything is just like it is right now, except the people look like ducks.”
“Oh no, no no no no no. That wouldn’t be it at all.”
“You seem so certain.”
Now a Great, I have to teach him the alphabet AND how to count to three look. “Well, duh. Ducks can fly. Hello.”
I blinked again. Twice.
“You don’t understand evolution at all,” she continued, then returned her gaze to the sky.
I looked up at the sky too. Scratched my head. “I guess I don’t,” I replied.
We both watched a flock of ducks fly by. I think I heard her sigh too. Probably off thinking about floating buildings and zoned skies and whatnot. I decided not to ask any more questions and let her watch the ducks go by.
Do you have any friends who seem to be a lot of drama? Or have a lot of drama in their lives? Or seem to attract a lot of drama?
Sure you do. Everyone does. Drama is what makes the world go round. Everyone has some measure of drama in their lives – and if they don’t, they’ll seek it out from TV soap operas or create it with other people.
But let’s be careful here. The word “drama” is a loaded term. It means different things to different people. Let’s take a look at some of those variations.
At the basis of drama is some kind of interpersonal, social, and/or emotional conflict. Everyone has elements of conflict in their lives, either of their own doing or through outside influences. It’s as unavoidable as back problems and taxes. But that’s not what we commonly consider drama.
Drama, as we typically use the term, is meant for those exaggerated cases far above the norm. It is conflict at high volume. When it is in a story, book or television, it can be very entertaining. When it is between you and family, friends or coworkers, it can be very stressful.
Let’s look at some types of drama. A few of these overlap and hybrids do exist.
- Emotional Drama
- This kind of drama is characterized by seemingly unwarranted, exaggerated emotions in reaction to some event. Everyone reacts to crises differently; some are even-keeled and calm, others rabbit through panic and distress. Emotional drama is the latter variant. An emotionally dramatic person will react with extreme vigor, no matter the degree of the event. House burned down? Aaaaaaa! Spilled some milk? Aaaaaa!
- Passionate Drama
- The cousin of emotional drama is passionate drama, which shares some of its outward appearances. People being passionately dramatic are showing excessive emotion and using intense language to convey their reactions. The difference is that emotional drama tends to originate from an underdeveloped sense of emotional intelligence, whereas passionate drama spills from an extreme emotional bond to a particular topic. Basically, these people are sooo passionate about something that they are not able to accept beliefs that are contrary to their own. Hearing such a contrarian is simply heresy. Aaaaaaa!
- Invented Drama
- A more insidious form of drama is invented drama, the kind that is fabricated because the person is vindictive, or sadistic and bored. You’ll spot this variant when one person attacks another person’s sensitive spots — otherwise known as “pushing one’s buttons.” The purpose is to incite the other person; the more frustrated the other person, the more satisfaction the originator feels. Even if it’s subconscious. People who invent drama may do this in the name of passionate drama, though they are really trying to hurt you, not express outrage. Aaaaaaa!
- Antisocial Drama
- This type of drama is characterized by a pervasive disregard of other people’s feelings and rights. Lying, cheating, stealing, bullying, and abusing with no remorse are all symptoms. At times, they can seem almost sociopathic and narcissistic by the way they callously ignore the feelings of others and only care about themselves. Some are able to hide behind superficial charm or sexual prowess, though if you cross them, they’ll pull out their claws and antisocial drama behavior. Aaaaaaa!
- Identity Drama
- Someone who sees the world in strict black and white terms (no shades of gray) and has identity issues may be exhibiting borderline drama. These people may also have problems maintaining friendships and general relationships. A misalignment in the way they view life and themselves, in other words. Aaaaaaa!
- Narcissistic Drama
- Ever call someone a “ham” or “show-off”? That person was probably exhibiting narcissistic drama, which is typically characterized by an unhealthy load of self-love. They are the center of the world and they want everyone to know it. If you don’t, you will be assaulted by non-strop drama until you do. Aaaaaaa!
- Insecure Drama
- Though it is a bit of a blanket term, those that are insecure may bring with them waves of insecure drama. Such drama can be manifested by obsessive-compulsive clinginess, profuse pessimism, a constant need for reassurances from others, and frequent verbalizations of their ineptitude. The stark opposite of narcissistic drama, they suck and they want everyone to know it. Aaaaaaa!
- Attracted Drama
- Some people unknowingly attract drama, though a handful do it consciously. They either have such plain lives that they seek out “spice” or they tend to befriend people who exhibit one or more types of drama listed here. Their own lives may not have much drama, but encircling themselves with such friends can give them an air of drama. However, since like-minded people tend to cluster together, oftentimes a drama magnet is a dramatic person too. Aaaaaaa!
- Stupid Drama
- There are no such things as stupid questions… only stupid people. Ha! But seriously, some people just do stupid things that happen to trigger drama. Maybe it’s out of ignorance, maybe it’s a lack of tact, maybe it’s an underdeveloped sense of social intelligence or street smarts. Whatever the case, they’ll likely do something that places them or other people in some kind of trouble and conflict. Qualifying for stupid drama isn’t doing something goofy on occasion. A person needs to be doing really stupid things fairly often. Aaaaaaa!
Yes, there are many types of drama and dramatic people in this world. Know your drama and be wary of it. In small doses, it may be entertaining. But a constant deluge can drown you.
You can blame your expensive running shoes on those foot aches, knee problems, and stress fractures. At least, that’s what a handful of articles have been reporting.
This topic naturally caught my attention. After running two half-marathons, I’ve been training for a full marathon. Unfortunately, I had to drop out because of a chronic knee injury that just won’t go away, even after some basic rehabilitation. My next step will be to see an orthopedic surgeon for further advice and perhaps an MRI. Major bummer.
It started innocently enough in an article about toes. Published in March this year, Seed Magazine’s ”The Running Man, Revisited” discusses the endurance running hypothesis: that humans evolved as long-distance runners. The size of our toes, according to a handful of scientists, has given us the ability to run long distances. Specifically: short toes. Long toes increase the amount of mechanical work required by twenty percent.
This is from an article in the Journal of Experimental Biology, ”Walking, running and the evolution of short toes in humans”. Apparently it caused a stir when it was published in February.
Then just a week ago, writer Christopher McDougall penned two articles (that I know of) about the dangers of running shoes. “The painful truth about trainers: Are running shoes a waste of money?” in Mail Online and “What Ruins Running” in the Boston Globe.
In those articles, he reports on the runners in Tarahumara, Mexico, and the fact that they run barefoot. He cited a senior researcher at Nike Sports Research Lab who examined people all around the world who run barefoot. McDougall also interviewed Dr. Daniel Lieberman, a professor of biological anthropology at Harvard University, who said, “’A lot of foot and knee injuries currently plaguing us are caused by people running with shoes that actually make our feet weak, cause us to over-pronate (ankle rotation) and give us knee problems.” McDougall’s conclusion: run barefoot.
My friends and I have naturally been reading these articles with great interest. We’ve all spent gobs on money on running shoes, after all. I have a great pair of Brooks Beasts (thanks again Eric!) that make me feel like I’m running in air. Did we all waste our money?
One runner asked her running coach about these articles. His reply:
Take some time to read [these articles] as I think the have some great points and raise valid questions, however [here] a few objective thoughts to keep in mind. Because the articles also need to be put in context before you chuck your running shoes in the garbage…
- Our society in general, works much, much harder than in generations past, meaning that we spend more time sitting at our computers and less time sleeping/resting and doing the necessary recovery/cross-training activities that are essential for endurance athletes.
- We’re runners so we run. The lack of strength & cross-training can leave a lot of us more susceptible to injury.
- Our society also is very fashion/business conscious, meaning that the majority of us are wearing footwear that is very bad for the strength/health of our feet. (Dress shoes, heels, etc.)
- At an early age, most of our parents put us into stiff shoes, which may have prohibited the muscles in our feet from developing as they should have.
- The article discounts that the majority of people live in urban populations, and run primarily on harder surfaces (concrete/asphalt), whereas many of the runners the author focuses on were running on soft surfaces (cinder tracks, grass/dirt trails, etc). In general, runners who include a small amount of trail running into their regiment (once every few weeks is enough), tend to have fewer injuries. (However, you can’t run 100% on soft surfaces if you are training for road races.)
- This article discounts the thousands of people who have actually benefited by improved technology in running shoes.
As with everything in life, it’s always good to have a balanced perspective, listen to both sides of an argument, and maintain a healthy dose of skepticism.
I’m sure there’s truth in those articles. I’m sure shorter toes really do help us run longer distances, just as I’m really sure shoes in general have made some kind of impact on our feet. But most of all, I’m sure glad I don’t have to chuck my expensive Brooks Beasts in the garbage.
Did you know that the Earth was almost struck by an asteroid this week? Unless you follow science news closely, you may have missed it.
The asteroid, designated 2009 DD45, is less than a third of a football field in diameter (approximately 20-30 yards). After watching movies like Armageddon and Deep Impact, that seems pretty small, doesn’t it? It’s no Texas-sized Global Killer like in Armageddon.
The impact of 2009 DD45 would still have been disastrous. “The force of multi-megaton nuclear blast,” wrote one reporter. Striking a city would have leveled it and killed millions. Striking the ocean would have caused a horrible tsunami that devastated coastlines.
Yikes!
To be fair, our planet is struck by asteroids all the time. Most burn up in the atmosphere. Few make it to the ground in the size of basketballs, baseballs, or smaller.
However, in 1908 a large asteroid struck Siberia, near the Tunguska River, with a force 1,000 times more powerful than the nuclear bomb dropped in Hiroshima, Japan. It is believed that this asteroid may have been a few tens of meters in diameter.
Scary stuff. While it doesn’t do any good to sit here worrying about asteroid impacts, the idea of one certainly puts life into perspective.
What if the world were to end tomorrow?
It is a question commonly asked by thinkers and philosophers, usually as a way to guide our actions throughout our current life.
The question is invariably followed by the assertion that every day should be lived like it is one’s last. However, doing that is unrealistic. If the world really were to end tomorrow, most people would be out there, having raging orgies, eating fatty foods, or generally doing all sorts of selfish, indulgent activities they normally wouldn’t do. Perhaps people really shouldn’t live each day like it is their last.
Another answer is to live life without regrets. Unfortunately, that is not a satisfactory answer for many. Living without regrets means there will be a tomorrow with which to feel regret. If the world ended tomorrow, that would be moot.
I believe the answer is somewhere in between each of these. The contentment of living each day like it is your last should be in sync with having no regrets because you’ve done so with honor and integrity. Every time you go to sleep, you should do so with a smile and a clear conscience, no matter your religious and spiritual beliefs.
Why should you live life that way? How about spiritual satisfaction? Honorable livelihood? Or that well-worn cliché: A life of virtue is its own reward.
It may not sound easy to live life this way, but once you do, you will find it easy to. You will not only be ready for the end of the world, but you will be ready for potential judgment in the afterlife too, if such a thing exists.
The end of the world may not be that far off either. Asteroid 99942 Apophis is due to pass by our planet in 2029, most probably missing us. Then it will circle around and come near us again in 2036. The second visit may not be a miss.
99942 Apophis is somewhere between 210 to 330 meters wide – much bigger than 2009 DD45, but fortunately much smaller than Texas. An impact with this asteroid would cause untold destruction around its unlucky impact point.
Fortunately, it wouldn’t cause an end to the world. Pardon my earlier exaggeration. It would most certainly cause an end for some people though. Scientists have already been working on solutions though, a la Deep Impact. From solar sails to adding mass (to alter its trajectory), solutions are being modeled and perfected. With roughly twenty-seven years to plan and build, hopefully they will come up with a viable answer in time.
Let’s go back to the end-of-the-world question again. An assumption it makes is that we wouldn’t have much time to prepare for the world’s end. It would just be upon us suddenly, as a real-life Global Killer probably would do.
Does it surprise you that you didn’t hear about 2009 DD45 until just recently? Such an event ought to make a fair bit of news, right? Sure, the media could have been sitting quietly on this story for months, resisting the urge to break it for the sake of the public.
I’ll wait while you ROFL.
No, clearly the media would do no such thing, whether or not it would be in the public’s best interest. The simple truth is that scientists didn’t know about 2009 DD45 until two days before its apparent impact. Prolific asteroid hunter Robert McNaught of Siding Spring Observatory in Australia spotted it when it was only 1.5 million miles away. Then Timothy Spahr of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics determined that it wouldn’t be a threat within an hour of its discovery.
In other words, they spotted it then quickly realized it wasn’t going to cause untold destruction. The media probably picked up the story and figured it wasn’t important enough to turn into a major headline.
Perhaps that is a good thing. Who knows how the public would have reacted if they misinterpreted the news as the actual end of the world? Maybe with raging orgies, eating fatty foods, or all sorts of selfish, indulgent activities. Or maybe they would be at peace, having already lived each day like it was their last, with honor, integrity, and contentment. Which would you rather do?
(I know, I know… orgy vs honorable contentment. I really haven’t made a convincing argument, have I?)
Now here’s a controversial topic. It incites flames, trolls, and every other little ugly side of human psychology you can squint at. It is the topic of interracial dating between Asian girls and white guys. Now let’s begin.
I don’t have any hard numbers to quantifiably verify if Asian girl/white guy relationships are more common than white girl/Asian guy relationships, though many people are happy to offer anecdotal evidence in support of the former.
The bigger question is why. The world is rife with theories. Here are some of the more common ones.
Asian Female Social Elevation Theory
This theory posits that Asian girls date white guys because they feel it will elevate their social status in some way. They perceive Asians to be lower on the social ladder than whites, whether through social conditioning, media conditioning, insecurity, or something else. Therefore, a relationship, and/or marriage and kids with a white guy will improve their social standing. Some may feel this way explicitly; others may unconsciously believe it but aren’t able to articulate it.
Passive Asian Male, Aggressive White Male Theory
This theory states that Asian guys are generally less aggressive when it comes to asking a girl out because of cultural influences that teach them discretion over outright showiness. They’d rather be friends with the girl first, then wait a long while before asking her out. Conversely, white guys are generally more aggressive and display more overt romantic gestures. In the realm of dating, an overt romantic gesture usually wins over a passive, discrete one (especially in Western societies). Therefore, Asian girls who may not really have a preference for white guys over Asian guys, end up with white guys because they’ve been openly & aggressively courted by one.
Exotic Asian Female Theory
This theory can also be called the Asian Fetish or Yellow Fever Theory because white guys see Asian girls as exotic, different, and submissive. These white guys want a trophy girlfriend and/or wife. It is less important for the Asian girl to share similar cultural values or language, than it is to be passive and doting. The Asian Female Social Elevation Theory also plays a part, in that the Asian girls who willingly go out with white guys with an Asian fetish look past these preferences in favor of social elevation benefits.
Independent Asian Female Theory
This theory hypothesizes that because more and more Asian girls are earning advanced degrees, strong careers, and financial independence, Asian guys are finding them less desirable. Asian guys with traditional patriarchal cultural values seek wives who will stay at home and take care of the children. Since these educated, independent Asian girls don’t fit that model, they turn to white guys who accept that independence.
Desired Asian Female Theory
This theory puts forth the assertion that Asian guys aren’t necessarily more passive or white guys necessarily more aggressive. Instead, Asian girls are desired by all ethnicities equally. Asian guys like them because, well, they’re Asian too. White guys like them because they’re exotic, different, submissive, or some other kind of perceived notion. Therefore, the laws of probability assert that there should be a fair mix of Asian girl/white guy and Asian girl/Asian guy couples out there. Since Asian girl/Asian guy couples are the expected norm, an Asian girl/white guy couple stands out as an exception and causes people to assume the exception is the norm.
Undesired Asian Male Theory
This theory is the flip side to the Desired Asian Female theory, in that it asserts that Asian guys are perceived similarly to Asian girls: exotic, different, and submissive. Sometimes the added perceptions of being feminine, wimpy, and geeky are also prescribed. These traits are viewed negatively in Western societies, causing both white and Asian girls to have a preference away from Asian guys.
Undesirable White Female Theory
This theory turns the Undesired Asian Male Theory around and posits that white girls do actually want Asian guys, but many Asian guys don’t want white girls because of perceptions of cultural incompatibility and marriage instability (the belief that whites are more apt to divorce than Asians are). So while there should be a fair number of interracial couples on both sides, it’s the preference of Asian guys for Asian girls that limits white girl/Asian guy couples.
Sexist Asian Male Theory
This theory claims that Asian guys are sexist, chauvinistic, and even misogynistic, because of traditional patriarchal cultural values. Asian guys range from not knowing how to treat an Asian girl with respect to wanting them to be housewives and nothing else, similar to the Independent Asian Female Theory. Except this theory pushes the assumption further to say that Asian guys may even verbally or physically abuse their wives. Therefore, Asian girls choose white girls who have been socialized in a Western society where feminist thought and equality is more prevalent.
Asian Male Wife-Like-Mom Theory
This theory says that Asian guys want a girlfriend and ultimately, a wife, who resembles their mothers (in personality, not looks, necessarily) because of cultural influences. White guys, on the other hand, don’t have as much of a preference. Therefore, while there could be more white girl/Asian guy couples out there, Asian guys are going for Asian girls instead. And without such a preference, white guys are going for both white girls and Asian girls.
Special Asian Female Theory
This theory takes pieces of the Exotic Asian Female Theory and Undesired Asian Male Theory, amongst others, with the idea that Asian girls go for white guys because white guys make them feel special. With an Asian guy, the Asian girl is just like any other girl; they are not special in any way. But with a white guy, the Asian girl is made to feel unique and special. The underlying motivates behind the white guy’s behavior, according to this theory, are more than just him being an especially compassionate person. In this theory, the white guy is treating the Asian girl this way because he considers her exotic and different, but not submissive. Therefore, he is the one doting on her and not the other way around.
Dominant White Male Society Theory
This theory offers the concept of Western societies being white-male-dominated as the determinant of Asian girl/white guy couples. Combining several theories here, this theory states that white guys who have a preference for Asian girls can form a relationship with them through overt romantic gestures, unconscious social elevation benefits, and an air of self-confidence (which is considered an extremely attractive trait in Western societies). This air of self-confidence comes from being the dominant race/gender pair, thereby giving them an advantage in dating a girl of any other ethnic group.
Inevitable Cross-Pollination Theory
This theory suggests that as the various ethnicities and nations of the world intermingle, there will be an inevitable cross-pollination of interracial relationships. Therefore, there is an equal number of Asian girl/white guy and white girl/Asian guy couples out there. People just notice the Asian girl/white guy pairings more often because of the controversial assumption that the white guy is just dating her to appease his “yellow fever.”
Natural Love Theory
This theory put forwards the notion that it’s not about ethnicity, it’s about natural compatibility. It is just two people who love each other, regardless of ethnicity, culture, background, education, or anything else. Simple as that.
What’s your theory on Asian girl/white guy relationships?
“Why do you think people are close-minded?”
I regarded the question like a fresh forehead pimple on a first date. “Because people are idiots, that’s why.”
“What a close-minded answer,” my friend answered.
I laughed. “Damn, you’re right.” I put down my mocha and shook my head.
He smirked. “No really, what do you think?”
“You’re seriously wondering this?” I watched him nod once. “Well, I think it’s easy to be close-minded. It takes less effort. And many people prefer to take the path of least resistance.”
He scratched his chin and took a sip of espresso. “You’ve got a point there. Effort is a real turn-off.”
“Right. Thinking about every concept, every behavior, every statement, in a critical way requires active thinking. It requires questioning the underlying assumptions behind it. I don’t think many people want to or have the capacity to do that, and not always for reasons of their own.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think some people willingly opt for ignorance, though they don’t see it that way. Others may just be too tired to question everything and follow mental shortcuts, which sometimes mean accepting the assumptions in front of them. Ever read the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion?”
He shook his head.
“It’s a book about the techniques salespeople use against unsuspecting prey. Many of its techniques are based on catching people at their most vulnerable, when they’re least likely to put up defenses. One of those moments is when they’re in a rush and busy thinking about other stuff. Their mental defenses are down. They don’t want to bother with anything except what they have to do. If you ask them for something seemingly innocuous and bother them enough, they’ll acquiesce. One example is Hari Krishnas at airports. Remember how they used to give you a flower in exchange for a donation?”
He scratched his head and sniffed his espresso. “Yea, I do.”
“Most people gave the Hari Krishnas a dollar just so they wouldn’t be hassled any further. It was the path of least resistance, a mental shortcut to get by an annoyance.”
“That certainly makes sense,” he replied between sips. “So you’re saying close-mindedness is related to this phenomenon somehow?”
“I suspect so. I would guess that close-mindedness, for some people, is just a mental shortcut. They are otherwise intelligent professionals going about their days. But when hit with something that’s not critical enough for their current cognitive load, they defer to blindly trusting the assumptions and opt for the mental shortcut. I don’t mean to equate close-mindedness with giving a donation to a Hari Krishna, but the mental workload is similar. And I’m sure I’ve been guilty of it—”
I caught my friend rolling his eyes with a grin. I smirked in reply and continued.
“—as have many people out there. It’s an unintended close-mindedness, if you will. Furthermore, the degree to which someone can maintain this cognitive effort and an open mind varies day by day, subject by subject. You might find yourself extremely open-minded about religion, but unconsciously close-minded about your annoying relatives who come over drunk every Thanksgiving.”
“Nice analogy there. So you’re saying close-mindedness is a form of mental laziness?”
I swirled my mocha and watched the chocolate syrup whirl. “In a way, yes, I guess I am. For some people. I think others actively choose to stick by the assumptions they’ve been taught, perhaps for traditional reasons, social reasons, whatever. But for some, yes, it’s a form of unconscious mental laziness.”
We sipped our drinks in silence. Across from me was a man reading the headlines off a stack of newspapers. He scoffed at something and shook his head, then relayed his thoughts to the barista with animated arms. The barista just shrugged.
“It’s the people who stick by their assumptions that bother me,” my friend suddenly added. “That kind of stubbornness is… inexcusable. It’s… it’s…”
I stared down at my cup and nodded. “I know, it’s tough to swallow. But they’re entitled to their opinion, right? They hold strong to their beliefs because they see strength in standing by a conviction. Resolve. Faith. Stubbornness. Call it what you will, but at the end of the day, aren’t you being close-minded about not accepting their views, just because you disagree with them?”
He shook his head. I drank my mocha, put it down, and took a second sip, and he was still shaking his head.
“Close-mindedness, to me, means someone is unwilling to look at alternatives and question the underlying assumptions of some belief,” he finally stated. “If they’ve thought it through and have formed a conclusion, that’s great. I’m happy for them. They have a conviction now. But if they reject every and any statement that may legitimately poke a hole in their argument, that’s close-mindedness. That’s going overboard. Someone can be convicted, yet still open to alternative views if a logical one presents itself.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” I toasted him with my cup. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s inexcusable. It’s downright ignorant is what it is.”
I laughed. “There you go, being close-minded about them again.”
“I guess,” he added, “I’m just close-minded about close-minded people.”
“How would you rate this year for you?” my friend asked. “From a scale of one to five: one being the worst, five being the best.”
I scratched my chin and cleared my throat. Then I gave my answer.
“Five,” I replied.
He sat back in his seat. “Five? The best? Really?” He clutched his espresso and regarded me through the hot rising vapors.
I nodded. “I would give 2008 a five because this was a year of new starts and new challenges. Despite the poor economy and layoffs, there’s been a lot of new hope too. And I don’t just mean a new presidency. For me, personally, there’ve been a lot of positives.”
I picked up my mocha and took a sip. He echoed with a sip of espresso. For a brief moment, we savored our drinks and pondered the question. Then he put his cup down and waited for me to continue. I cleared my throat again.
“First of all, I started a new relationship. It wasn’t always easy, but it’s been going really well. I’m totally happy and excited about it. Heck, I kind of feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have met her. And it happened all because of chance. Or perhaps fate. That in itself could give 2008 a high score.”
He nodded. “True, you’ve been very lucky in the romance department.”
“Career-wise, starting a new business has been exciting as hell too. Frustrating as hell sometimes, but mostly exciting. I’ve made some mistakes, but they’re great lessons learned. I actually look forward to, and expect to make many mistakes. Each one is going to make us that much stronger, especially in this economy. While other people are scared off by such risks, we’re facing them head-on and still making a profit.”
“That’s fantastic! Not many people can do what you’re doing.”
“And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m not struggling or scared at all. There are days when I wake up wondering if this is going to be sustainable in the long run. But that’s what I wanted to worry about when I quit my full-time job. I wanted the fear of having no steady paycheck to propel me forward. Having no cushion is a tremendous motivator for making immediate profits, let me tell you.”
He shook his head. “I’ll bet.”
“Investment-wise, not all of them have panned out. My portfolio has taken a dive, like most other people. But I still have a few hopeful investments out there. The market will swing back up again too. While there’s been lots of stress around my investments, overall, I’m pleased with my positions.”
“That’s very optimistic of you. A lot of people feel quite differently about that.”
I shrugged. “Yea, I know. Perhaps my rating for this year isn’t just due to the excitement of these new starts and challenges. It’s also due to my general outlook on life. I tend to be optimistic about a lot of things. For me, mistakes don’t get me down as much as others, because I see them as ways to strengthen myself. And where others see problems, I see opportunities. Ultimately, I think life is all about what you make of it. You can choose to be pessimistic about it, or optimistic about it. You can choose to be pushed around and react to the world, or push back and shape the world.” I stared at my mocha. “I’m beginning to sound full of myself, aren’t I?”
He smiled. “I think your view is refreshing. It’s a very hopeful view. In these dark days, it’s nice to see something with some light in their eyes.”
I quietly took a slow sip, savoring the sweet mocha on my tongue. “I’m not saying it’s easy to always stay positive. But once I push my mind into that direction, it’s really easy to continue with that attitude. It’s like a muscle; the more I think this way, the easier it is to see all the possibilities out there. The more I work it, the stronger it becomes. Hmmm, I’m not sure if that analogy totally works.”
He took another sip, then held his cup and paused for a moment. “You know what you should do? You should write about this.”
I smirked. “How do you know I wasn’t already going to?”
He chuckled. “You saw an opportunity for a story and you went for it. Very opportunistic of you.”
We laughed and savored the last few drops of our drinks. Then we put our cups down for a reflective moment. I cleared my throat. “So how would you rate this year?”
I think we can all agree that sometimes, it’s important to prepare for the worst. Part of any good preparation plan includes scenario building. From those various scenarios can come any number of solutions.
So it was with this judicious safety research in mind that my cousins and I embarked on the critical scenario building of what we’d do if the world was full of zombies. Such are the in-depth discussions that brew out of a belly full of Thanksgiving turkey.
Assumptions
First, we needed to lay out some assumptions. What kind of zombies are these? Slow, lumbering Night of the Living Dead zombies? Or fast, vicious 28 Days Later zombies?
We determined they were the latter kind. The most frightening kind. You can’t survive by just outrunning them, because they can run as fast as you can.
Second, how intelligent are they? We decided they’re not dumb, mindless creatures. They’re semi-intelligent, like the vampires of I Am Legend. They’re not about to drive cars and develop websites, but they can learn at the pace of a young child.
Next, are the zombies after you, or just walking around, minding their own business? We said they’d be coming after you specifically. They can smell your blood and are hungry for it. So you’re constantly on the run.
Finally, we were the only ones still alive. Everyone else was a fast, vicious, semi-intelligent zombie coming after you. Who said life was easy, right? However, we could use whatever we found, such as cars, supplies within grocery stores, and guns from weapon stores.
With those set of scenario assumptions, we played out various solutions.
Scenario One: 28 Days Later Penthouse Solution
We could hole up in the penthouse of a skyscraper, just like the father and daughter team from 28 Days Later. However, as we thought through the logistics, lots of problems emerged. There wouldn’t be enough power to last forever. That’s a major problem, especially since power is needed to run a refrigerator and possibly heat.
Being in a skyscraper means we’re well above the nasty zombie-infested world. But the semi-intelligent zombies would eventually climb up the stairs and hammer down our door. Being holed up anywhere meant they’d eventually break in – especially a simple penthouse room.
Food and water would be another huge problem. Even by raiding a supermarket for all the canned goods we could carry wouldn’t be enough. It would run out over time. Water especially. Also, what if the zombies happened to tamper with the power and water lines? They may not be intelligent enough to break them on purpose, but certainly could do it on accident.
The 28 Days Later penthouse solution would definitely not work.
Scenario Two: I Am Legend Offense Solution
We could hole up in a townhouse in the city, just like the hero of I Am Legend. We’d arm ourselves with weapons of all sorts, a trusty dog, and actively go hunting the zombies. The best defense is a strong offense, right?
The power, food and water problems of Scenario One are similar in this one. Not to mention the overwhelming number of zombies determined to eat our brains. All the guns in the world wouldn’t be enough to hold off millions of fast, vicious zombies. We’d either run out of bullets or get tired of swinging our axes. Plus, we need sleep and zombies don’t.
The I Am Legend offense solution would definitely not work.
Scenario Three: Lost Island Solution
Let’s get away from hiding in a building of some kind. How about we hole up on a deserted island somewhere? Sort of like Lost, except without the black smoke monster, genetic experiments, and civil war between shadowy scientists and enigmatic natives?
We’d choose an island where we could be self-sufficient: abundant food sources, fresh water, and materials for shelter. Without a way for the semi-intelligent zombies to get to us, we’d be safe indefinitely. Sure, we’d be living like cavemen again, but at least we could survive.
Sounds like a winner! There aren’t many ways to foil this solution.
Well, there’s very one small chance of failure. What if a ship full of zombies happened to crash onto the island? Sure, that would assume that a bunch of zombies wandered onto a ship and happened to kick it into motion and happened to aim it at our island. It’s a miniscule chance, but it’s still a chance.
It’s a chance we’d take though. The key seems to be removing ourselves from any large land mass full of zombies. If the zombies can get to us by feet, then we’re dead. But if we were someplace they couldn’t get to, then we’d have a good chance of survival.
After this intense discussion, we moved on to other vital matters, such as vampires and werewolves. It’s important to prepare for the worst. And what better way than to do so with a belly full of Thanksgiving turkey? I hope Janet Napolitano is taking notes.
“Dude, you are SO whipped!”
“What? No I’m not. What are you talking about?”
“You just called her for the third time tonight, and now you’re going to take off and help her clean her apartment? You didn’t even finish your beer yet. Dude, you’re whipped!”
How can you tell if you’ve been whipped? Before we answer that, let’s define what “being whipped” means.
Being whipped means you no longer think for yourself. You put your significant other ahead of yourself, your friends, and your family. You let your SO control you, as if you’re a mangy mutt on a tight leash with a spiked collar. Every action you take requires your SO’s explicit permission. Your relationship resembles a master/slave arrangement, where your SO is the master and you are the slave. The gimp, so to speak.
With that said, let’s see how you can tell if you’re whipped. You are whipped if…
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…you stop watching the game or movie midway through, because your significant other called you over.
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…you always take your significant other’s phone calls, even if you’re in the middle of another conversation.
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…you must ask your significant other for permission before hanging out with your friends.
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…you must ask your significant other for permission before you can use the bathroom.
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…you ditch your friends in favor of hanging out with your significant other every single time your SO calls.
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…your significant other asks you to do something you don’t want to do, yet you still do it.
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…you censor your jokes with your friends whenever your significant other is around, because your SO may not agree with your jokes.
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…you have to be home at a certain time because your significant other has imposed a curfew on you.
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…your significant other yells, “Sit!” and you sit.
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…your significant other yells, “Stand!” and you stand.
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…you acquiesce every time your significant other yells at you, even if you’re right and your SO is wrong.
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…your significant other asks, “Who’s your daddy?” you answer, “You are!”
Hey, how ‘you doing? Great weather we’re having today, huh? How about them Yankees?
You may have heard something like that before. It’s what is known as small talk, chit-chat, or general conversation. While some see it as fake bullshit, others realize that there’s an art to making fun and effective conversation.
I’m probably the last person to be giving this advice. When faced with a new and large crowd, I’m not the guy in the middle, telling all the funny stories. I’m the guy at the side, listening intently and taking note of everyone in the room. In other words, I’m an observer.
Small group settings are different, however. Amongst familiar friends, it’s sometimes hard to shut me up. But ain’t that the case with a lot of people?
In my role as the observer, I’ve taken note of several effective patterns that make up good conversation. And in various workplace and social settings, I’ve had a chance to apply them and test them out. Here’s what I’ve noticed.
Prepare
This isn’t always necessary, but if you’re nervous about that big meeting or networking event, a little preparation can help. At the very least, it will make you feel a little better. At the very most, it will give you actual ammo you can use. Some ways to prepare are:
- Know Current Events
Pick up today’s newspaper. Read through the top stories in each section. This will give you some generic conversation topics.
- Have Some Ice Breaker Questions
Learn some generic ice breaker conversation topics and questions. There are books and websites that offer suggestions, though the best ones are ones that fit your specific situation. Take the time to brainstorm a few good ice breaker questions.
- Do Your Homework
Learn about the participants, especially if it’s a business meeting. Get some information about your clients, their market, and their latest offerings. You can even think up some questions you’d like to ask them. Don’t make it obvious that you’ve done your homework though; when you bring up these topics, make it seem natural.
- Relax
Breathe and relax. That’s probably the most important thing you can do. If you’re nervous and tense, you’ll forget all of this preparation. Relax your mind. Picture all of the participants in their underwear. Meditate and do yoga.
Or hell, get some alcohol in you if all else fails. Now, I’m not one to encourage booze, but if you’re that terribly nervous and desperate, a little liquid courage ought to do the trick. Just don’t overdo it, or else you’ll have a lot more to worry about than a big scary party.
Break the Ice
There are some generic topics and questions that conversationalists use to break the ice. The key to a good generic topic is one that all or most of the participants will know about. They are common topics generally around popular knowledge and culture. Some generic topics are:
- The Weather
This one can sometimes be a bit too generic, unless there is something significant going on, like an impending thunderstorm or a sunny day after a string of cloudy ones. Otherwise, it’s tough to keep this line of conversation going for long.
- Popular News
Picking up today’s current newspaper can give you a run-down of the latest popular news. News websites are good for that as well. Make sure you read the article and are familiar with the main facts of the story.
- Movies
Movies are a little more universal than music or books, so discussing the latest movies is a safe generic topic. This will mean being familiar with a few of the latest movies, of course. You don’t have to watch them all, just know a little about them.
- Sports
Although talking about sports works better on guys than girls, it’s somewhat of a universal topic for most guys. Not all guys, but most. Be careful not to get into heated arguments about teams or players though, you’re just trying to connect with someone, not bash their teams.
Ice breaker questions are open-ended questions meant to draw the other person out. They help you find connections with other participants through similar traits. These questions also invite the other person to ask you the same question, forming the basis of a rapport. Some generic ice breaker questions are:
- What do you do?
This one is almost so common that it verges on being unoriginal and perhaps, even tacky. But nevertheless, lots of people use it. So if you’re dry of ideas, what the hell, use it.
- Where are you from/Where did you grow up?
Be careful with this question in multi-ethnic crowds, as some American-born minorities may feel somewhat offended by what they’ll perceive as a stereotype that they are foreign-born. Most will not be offended, but a small handful may be.
- How do you know…/How are you connected with…?
Sometimes asking a person about their connection to the host can open up doors for further conversation. For dinner parties and social engagements, this one is common. It also allows you to learn more about your host.
Learn about Them
After you open up a dialogue using generic topics and questions, follow up with questions that allow you to learn more about the other person. One effective conversationalist I know recommends making each person you talk to feel like the most important and interesting person in the world. Don’t overdo it with false enthusiasm, but if you act and feel genuinely interested in the other person, you’ll not only make a favorable impression, but perhaps gain a new friend and/or learn something new. Some generic things to learn about someone are:
- Work
In many industrialized cultures, people identify themselves with their careers, for better or worse. Understanding people’s work history can give you insight into their personality. Just don’t turn the conversation into an interview; this is mean to be a fun conversation, not a recruiting event.
- Place of Origin
One’s country, state, or city of origin (whether it be their birthplace or where they spent their childhood) can also give significant insights into a person’s personality. You can learn a great deal about a person’s culture that way, and consequently, a great deal about that culture as well.
Relate to Them
As you learn about the other person, find ways to relate. Connecting with a person is a good way to keep a conversation going, as well as make it interesting for you and the other person. People who are able to relate also generally leave the conversation feeling good about the other person. Some ways to relate to someone are:
- Look for Commonalities
Find commonalities between you both. As the other person talks, keep an ear open for similar traits and/or experiences between you two. Commonalities are the easiest, most basic way to relate to someone.
- Share Personal Stories and Anecdotes
Once you’ve found common traits and/or experiences, share some personal stories and anecdotes that reveal more about yourself. A conversation isn’t just about asking the other person questions, it’s about sharing a part of you as well. This will help that other person find commonalities too.
Avoid Controversy
When you first meet someone, avoid the most obvious conversational landmines. These are fine to bring up if you know the person well enough, but with new encounters, it’s best to avoid these topics. They won’t generate conversations; instead, they’ll generate heated debates at best, and aggressive arguments at worst. Some controversial topics are:
- Politics
Some people are very passionate about their political beliefs. If you disagree with them, they’ll try their hardest to convince you. Or worse, they’ll insult and condemn you. Not a good way to build rapport at all.
- Religion
Same with politics, some people are very passionate about their religious beliefs. And they’ll try their damndest to convert you to their way of thinking as well (this includes both religious believers and atheists).
- Sad Personal Stories
While sharing personal stories and anecdotes is a good way to relate to someone, stay away from personal sad stories. You’re not here to look for pity; you’re here to make fun conversation. A sad personal story will quickly deteriorate the conversation and leave the participants feeling uncomfortable. They don’t know you well enough yet to offer advice, condolences, or anything else except a blank stare.
- Anything Too Personal
In fact, any kind of information that is deeply personal should be avoided, whether it’s sad or not. Unless these participants know you well, deeply personal topics will make them feel awkward. If you’re not sure where to draw the line between a good personal story and a bad one, take this rule to heart: less is more.
I’m sure there are other great ice breaker topics and questions to ask, as well as other controversial topics to avoid. These are just what I’ve observed. Those who are able to wield these general rules have the art of conversation down. They’re able to enter any situation and make fun and effective conversation. Those that don’t, usually end up with blank stares.
What do you do to make conversation?
