Category: Life
“Dude, you are so domesticated.”
I smiled with a nod. “Thanks.”
“I didn’t mean that as a compliment.”
I regarded my friend with a quizzical arch of the brow. “Your jealousy is so transparent.”
“I’m not jealous. What’s to be jealous of? Pssh. I’m not jealous.”
I grinned. “Okay, whatever you say man.”
He scooted his chair to the left, pushing his coffee mug with him. “Okay, let me tell you how lame being domesticated is.”
I waved him on. “Please, tell me.”
He cleared his throat. “First, it means your girl’s got you by the balls. You gotta do whatever she says now. Be at home by a certain time. No drinking late with your friends. No more parties and hangovers. No more—”
“Hold on man, I’m going to stop you right there. Do you honestly, seriously, in all sincerity, think I still want to be doing any of those things of my own volition?”
“Yea. Well… no? You don’t, I’m guessing?”
“Damn right I don’t. I’m too old for that crap. Hangovers? Dude. C’mon. Hangovers?”
“Well, I don’t mean hangovers are the goal, they’re just the end result of a good night…”
“A hangover for me is not the sign of a good night. Maybe when I was in college, but even then, I never aimed for a hangover. Who in their right mind aims for a hangover? I never did. And as an adult, definitely not.”
He rubbed his chin. “Okay…”
“And ‘got me by the balls?’ Really? Did you really just say that?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Oh, sure,” I nodded slowly. “I know what you mean. Because I don’t go out and party all night long means my girl has me by the balls. That’s what you mean, right?”
“Yea…”
“And that presupposes that she ordered me to stay home. Hence the ‘by the balls’ comment, right?”
“Um…”
“So if I tell you I do not want to party all night long anymore, because I am a tired old man who needs his sleep, otherwise I’m a cranky bastard in the morning, does that constitute following an order by someone else?”
“Well, no…”
I sat back in my chair. “So what else you got, Sherlock? Tell me what else is lame about being domesticated.”
He shifted in his seat. Coughed. Cleared his throat again. “Fine. Point B, it means your ass no longer has freedom. You can’t just take off on a road trip, or hit Vegas for a weekend, or—”
“No more freedom. By that, I assume you mean I can’t travel on my own anymore, right?”
“Right, exactly. She either has to come along, or you can’t go at all.”
I studied the swirls of whipped cream on my mocha. “That’s not exactly true. Maybe for your past relationships, you’ve had that kind of restriction. For me, my fiancée doesn’t mind if I take off on a trip alone. She’s taken trips just with her friends, and so have I.”
He slumped forward. “Really?”
“Yea. To me, that’s a mark of a healthy relationship. Or, at least, what I want out of a relationship. Some people prefer tighter interaction. Others, looser. She and I both feel it’s important to have our own lives, as well as a life together.”
“Well, okay…”
“Then there are times when I genuinely want her along. I have fun with her. That’s why I’m marrying her! So why would I want to do all of those things alone, when I can have this wonderful, funny, beautiful person with me too?”
“Dude, you’re going to make me sick.”
I took a gulp of frothy mocha and wiped my lip. “Okay, okay. So moving right along. Are these your reasons against domestication? Seriously? You know, you’re just talking about relationships in general. Neither of these points has anything to do with being domesticated.”
He snorted. “That’s where you’re wrong! Domestication is the process of taming. You’re getting tamed, dude. That’s what I’m talking about.”
“Tamed?”
“Yea. Like, you once could do all this wild stuff. Now, you gotta be—excuse me, want to be home by a certain time, and stuff like that.”
“Oh, so you’re lambasting the process of getting older, as opposed to being in a relationship?”
He scratched his head. “What? No. Don’t confuse me. No, I ain’t talking about… no, not about getting older. I mean, you’re getting domesticated, like, you got a girl now, you’re settling down, you can’t do the same stuff you once did…”
“As we get older, none of us can do the same things we once did. You can’t sit in a high chair anymore and be spoon-fed by your Mom, for instance. Well, maybe you do, but not the average adult.”
“Funny. What I mean is, and this is reason number three: You’re not having any more fun.”
“Okay, now you’re lamenting the process of getting older, not domestication. Though perhaps you’re drawing parallels between the two.”
“Yea, um, exactly.”
“Well, I for one, relish the idea of growing older. I actually like to have more responsibilities, deal with new challenges, and adjust my life accordingly. For me, this is all very fun and exciting. I realize my sentiments are uncommon, but hey, that’s me.”
“I dunno man, that sounds crazy to me…”
“Sure. And that’s fine. You don’t have to like the process of getting older, or being in a relationship. Me, I love them. I love being in a relationship, I love being engaged, I look forward to a house and kids and in-laws and grandkids and all that. It’s not for everyone. There are a lot of people out there who don’t want this, and shouldn’t aim for this either. But I do. Each to his own, right? Each to his own.”
“I told you, man…”
I quizzically arched of the brow. “What?”
He shook his head. “You are so domesticated.”
Categories:
Adulthood,
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Europe,
Family,
Fitness,
Food & Drinks,
Getting Older,
Learning,
Life,
Psychology,
Theories,
ValuesI intend on living a long, happy life.
It would be cool to be a great-grandparent, for instance. I’ve also got many things I want to do. Write books, learn new things, start businesses and non-profits, help my community. So many plans, so little time.
Age is not the limiting factor. Health is.
So how can I live a long and happy life? Dan Buettner, a National Geographic writer, believes he knows the answer. He founded the organization Quest Network, Inc. to conduct a study of “Blue Zones” – regions of the world where there are sizable populations that live active lives past one hundred years of age.
There are currently five known Blue Zones in the world:
- Sardina, Italy
- Okinawa, Japan
- Loma Linda, CA, USA
- Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica
- Icaria, Greece
Buettner and his organization studied these regions and discovered four key traits that all share, regardless of geography, culture, religion, or other factors.
- Move Naturally
- Right Outlook
- Eat Wisely
- Connect
Move Naturally
People living in Blue Zones don’t run marathons or lift heavy weights in gyms. They don’t sit in front of the TV or computers a lot either. Instead, they take a lot of walks. They climb up stairs. They hike up mountains. They even tend gardens, which require daily manual labor.
The Sardinians live on hillsides. So to get around, many walk up and down these hills all the time, even those in their eighties. Many Okinawans maintain personal gardens that they cultivate with pride. It’s not uncommon to see elders plowing and raking and pulling out weeds.
The trick is to do something active every day that you enjoy. That way, being active isn’t a chore; it is something you look forward to. And that’s why it works.
If you love doing cardio at the gym, then more power to you. Otherwise, take a walk around the block. Walk to the local grocery store instead of driving. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. Take a parking spot further away from the entrance of the mall so you have to walk a bit. Play sports with friends. Play the Nintendo Wii. Do something active everyday.
Right Outlook
Blue Zone inhabitants maintain a healthy perspective on life. They take time to slow down and relax from their hectic schedules. They use healthy outlets to vent their stress. They take problems in stride.
It’s not that they live boring, unexciting lives. Loma Linda is the home of a large medical university and medical community. Being a doctor is far from relaxing. The majority of these residents – those that regularly live long, active lives, at least – are also Seventh-day Adventists, a Christian denomination. Their religion aids in their ability to find peace with their frustrations.
Aside from mechanisms to dispel stress, Blue Zone inhabitants also deeply believe they have a purpose in life. That purpose could be as small as the Okinawan fisherman who sees his purpose is to fish so he can feed his family, or the Okinawan grandmother who knows her purpose is to care for her great-great-grandchildren. Religion also imbues a deep sense of purpose to Seventh-day Adventists.
Many don’t retire. They keep on doing what they enjoy doing, because they believe it is their purpose, their reason to get up every day.
Look for healthy outlets for your stress. Some use exercise, some take walks, and some create art to find relief. For others, it’s spirituality, religion, or their family and community.
A sense of purpose is also equally important. If you don’t have a reason to wake up every day and stay healthy, then find one. Spirituality and religion fill this hole for many. Family and community fill this for others. Still others find their purpose in their work or art. And sometimes your purpose isn’t bestowed upon you; it is something you go out and determine for yourself.
Eat Wisely
Those in Blue Zones eat healthy food in moderation. By healthy food, I mean their diets include a lot of vegetables and little processed food. Seventh-day Adventists are vegetarians. Okinawans eat lots of fresh fish. Sardinians consume homemade food. Each community has a different meal mix, though all contain a lot of vegetables and little processed food.
By moderation, I mean they don’t overeat. They don’t serve huge, American-sized portions. The Okinawans even eat from small plates as a means to minimize overeating. Others take breaks between servings. Since it takes several minutes before the feeling of satiation hits your stomach, taking a break can curb the amount you eat.
Include more vegetables in your diet. Decrease the amount of processed food and fast food from your daily intake as much as possible, or remove it altogether. You don’t need vitamin supplements as long as you eat a wide variety of vegetables, grains, and meats.
And perhaps even more importantly, reduce your portion sizes. Eat from small bowls. Take breaks between servings. You may find yourself feeling full without the usual volume you consume.
Connect
The last common aspect of all Blue Zone elders is their sense of family and community. To them, family comes first. Grandparents aren’t shut away in nursing homes. Respect increases with age, so the eldest are given the most respect.
They also feel a sense of belonging within their communities. Friendships endure throughout lifetimes. A person can count on a friend in time of need, and give selflessly when that friend is in need. You’ve got my back, I’ve got your back.
These tight bonds are formed with people of similar values as well. Everyone in a particular community shares the same core values of enjoyable activities (walks, hikes, etc), a healthy outlook (able to vent with each other, a feeling of purpose), healthy diets (natural foods in moderation), and a sense of belonging.
If you’ve been estranged from your family, consider making amends. Be the bigger person and take the first step at healing that bond. In cases where that’s totally impossible, foster the friendships you have, especially with those that share the same values. Consider being a part of a healthy tight-knit community, such as an activity group, special interest group, religious group, etc.
Is This Possible?
For some, this news is obvious to you. But for others, this may seem entirely impossible. How such a lifestyle can be followed in today’s society? I hear you. I know it’s not easy.
I don’t think it’s impossible either. It just takes some extra effort and a lot of discipline. Moving naturally and eating wisely are the easiest ones to do first, since they involve changes in behavior. The tough part is sticking to the new behavior long enough for it to become habit.
Having the right outlook and connecting to others are much tougher. The first involves changing a mental model that’s been ingrained for years. The second involves both behavioral and mental changes.
Part of having the right outlook is having healthy outlets for stress. This can include exercising, talking to trusted friends, or creating art. There are numerous self-help websites and books you can turn to for more ideas as well.
The other part of the right outlook is a sense of purpose. If you can’t find an easy answer, you are probably waiting for that purpose to come to you. Let me correct that misconception: that is not going to happen. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given their purpose. You need to go out and find your purpose. Create one. Look for something you believe in, whether it is a family member, a vocation, or a cause. As long as it allows you to follow these other traits and doesn’t harm others, embrace it as the reason you get up every morning.
Finding a community that accepts you is probably the toughest one to achieve. If you weren’t born into a tight-knit family or community, you will have to work hard to become a part of a healthy community. However, it’s worth the effort. Once you are in a good community, a sense of purpose will almost certainly come to you.
How do you find such a community? Church groups are an obvious source. Activity groups and special interest groups are another, though not all will give you an encompassing sense of community. Some people join such groups just to do the activity, then return to their own communities without further involvement in the group.
Neighborhood-based communities are also a good source. There are “gated communities” (a set of houses enclosed within gates) that try to engender such a sense of belonging, not only for goodwill, but for protection too (crime is less common in such neighborhoods).
For some, their work can also provide a viable community, though like activity and special interest groups, not all of the members may be willing to put in the same level of commitment as you. To them, it’s just a job, not a community.
I am lucky that I follow and have a lot of these traits. Hopefully I can continue to foster them throughout my long, happy life, and vice versa. For many, I had to work hard to create them. But once they’ve become engrained in my life, following them is as easy as eating and breathing.
Want to see more? You can watch Buettner’s talk at a TEDxTC conference on September 2009 about his study of Blue Zones. It’s a fascinating talk.
Now go live long and prosper. And talk a walk around the block while you’re at it.
The glass is not half full nor half empty. The glass has water in it, filled approximately to the middle. Or: the glass has equal portions of gas and liquid content within its cylindrical interior. Or: the glass is entirely full of air and water. Or… you get the point.
It’s all about perception. Life isn’t how it is; it’s how you see it.
If you see the world as a cold, harsh place, then for you — the world is indeed, cold and harsh. Sucks for you.
If you see the world as a fun & challenging place, then for you, the world is fun & challenging. Rock on.
Here’s a metaphor I use: my life as a series of lenses. My perception of life is influenced by the lenses through which I view it. Every lens is tainted by the grime of experience. In fact, each lens was created by the summary of past experience, heated in a cauldron of emotional responses and cognitive rationalizations.
It is impossible to be truly objective, unless you’re a robot or Vulcan. But as a human, it’s impossible because of the construction of our brains. Studies have shown that memories are forged through a furnace of emotion, for better or worse. Interestingly enough, emotional memories are retained better than those devoid of emotions.
Think about your childhood. Which memories are most vivid? Those that are most painful or happy, right? How about the 303rd bath you ever took? Why don’t you remember that one? Because it was mundane and relatively low on emotional content.
Over time, these emotional memories, mixed with your genetic predispositions (you can thank your Mom & Dad for that) and environmental factors (education, cultural upbringing, friends & family, religion, social status, etc) shaped your unconscious view on life. Together, this mixture hardened into a lens through which you now view your life.
Lenses are limiting. They limit how far you can see and what you can see. This is not a bad thing. It is a natural ability that offers you protection, your defense mechanism, if you will. Prejudices, assumptions, and beliefs all come from your lenses. Some limitations can be hurtful, some can be helpful, though the degrees of such are subjective.
There isn’t just one lens either. There are many, shaped through various phases of life. You may have your family lens, your work lens, your school lens, etc. The number of lenses depends on the number of wholly different experiences you’ve have and your awareness of, and synthesis of, those life phases. Living in a foreign country often splinters one’s world view and creates a new lens, for instance.
Mine include my family lens, my Chinese American lens, my New Yorker lens, my Californian lens, my traveler lens, my spiritual lens, my anthropological & sociological lens, my self-reflective lens, my self-improvement lens, my entrepreneurial lens, my technology-oriented lens, etc. There are many more I’m not aware of too, I’m sure.
As you can see, your lenses don’t map not just to your phases of life, but to the different ways you view your identity as well. And, of course, they all overlap quite a bit.
There are no right or wrong lenses, better or worse lenses, just degrees of helpfulness in society and influence on your actions. Some lenses may enable you to be a highly-successful person in some situations, but horribly inept in others. Others lenses may make you terribly miserable in some situations and protect you from harm in others.
However, you aren’t stuck with a particular lens. You can change your view, as long as you cognitively try. It just takes effort. Sometimes tremendous effort. But it is impossible for everyone.
How? For some, it’s simply a matter of being aware of your different lenses. For others, supportive friends & family can help. And for others, professional advice and help is required.
I’m sure you’ve met people who’ve changed the main lens through which they view life. They may be religious converts or political converts. They may be so excited about their new view that they won’t shut up about it. Such a person has had a major epiphany (which is generally how a major change in lens view affects a person) and is naturally excited about it, though not all changes are so grand.
Want to try a quick lens switch exercise? Imaging yourself as a soccer player. You’re on the field. You can feel the brisk chill of the afternoon air. The smell of freshly-cut grass is all around you. A trickle of sweat is at the corner of your eye. Other players are yelling at each other. The ball is being kicked around. You’re keeping an eye on the ball, your teammates, and your opponents. Your mind is flipping back and forth from anticipating where the ball will be and how other players are reacting to the ball. Your legs are also getting tired and there’s a side stitch in your gut. And damn, you’re thirsty.
Now imagine yourself as the coach of that team. You’re standing on the side of the field. Someone’s brewing coffee besides you. Your players are yelling, the other team is yelling, and the fans are yelling behind you. You’re keenly watching your players run up and down the field, positioning themselves around the ball. At the same time, you’re also watching the opponents and analyzing their positions in relation to your team’s. Your goalie looks tired and you’re worried about a potential goal. Another player is being overly aggressive and you’re concerned about the referee calling a penalty. Two of the opposing players are really strong and fast, so you’re trying to make sure your team doesn’t let them through your defense. Your voice is sore from yelling commands and encouragement to your team.
In the first lens, you had the view of an individual contributor on a team. You had to be conscious of your own actions as they related to others, while balancing your fatigue and condition.
In the second lens, you had the view of a supervisor of a team. You had to have a gestalt of the entire game and offer not only direction, but encouragement as their confidence rose and shrank.
That is a small example of a lens switch. Both views are totally correct while being entirely different. All of us switch like that daily, maybe even hourly.
Now consider this: what if you’re able to combine lenses? Or switch between both in any given situation? What if you, as a soccer player, also considered the game from the coach’s point of view? That’s what a team captain often does. Viewing the game through both lenses would put you on a path for advancement and leadership in this situation.
Combining lenses often gives offers such power and opportunity. It opens your mind to other views you may not have otherwise considered. It keeps your mind amiable to new ideas and new contexts.
You know the saying, “Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes”? Same principle applies here. When you’re viewing your situation through another lens, you’re revising the natural limitations of what you perceive. While you’re probably replacing them with the limitations of another lens, you’re still expanding your previous boundaries. And that’s the power of changing & combining lenses.
Of course, this is all an opinion formed through my own lens. This is how I perceive my life. You may perceive it differently and prefer to keep your current world view. In which case, I can’t help but think: sucks for you.
When I first heard the acronym “IE” I thought it meant “Internet Explorer.” That’s because I am a web geek and IE in the web world means Internet Explorer.
Now I know better. The initials IE can stand for many things. A web browser that has frequently frustrated many a web developer. A Latin abbreviation for “id est,” which corresponds to “that is” and not “for example.” Or a hot, dry, wasteland of a Californian desert with the occasional pocket of life and delicious food.
I don’t mean to offend the residents of the IE. There are many great things about this area. Like any other region, it has its good elements and not-so-good elements.
E.g. (“for example”), there are some nice college towns out here, most notably UC Riverside and the lesser known University of Redlands. Both are surrounded by the usual campus niceties, such as vibrant coffee shops, cheap rental housing, and relatively safe neighborhoods. There’s also a bit of nightlife here, though I’m way too old for that crap now. Oh my aching bones.
There’s also a respectable teaching hospital here in the city of Loma Linda. With facilities spanning almost the entire city, if you get hurt in the area, you’re bound to run into a doctor who can help. The city also sports a population primarily of Seventh-day Adventists, further underscoring its relatively low crime rate.
Also known as the 909 (San Bernardino & Riverside’s area code), the IE was once the site of an up-and-coming boom. The dot-com period was a time of significant urban development, especially in cities like Rancho Cucamonga. Outdoor shopping malls, cookie-cutter apartment complexes, and post-modern office buildings were sprouting as fast as useless websites with no real business models. It was a good time to be in the IE back then, so I hear.
According to Jim Stewart’s book “The 909″, there are also artists and writers here. Perhaps a thriving art community as well, I’m not sure. I haven’t actually read the book; I’m just citing its synopsis from Amazon.
San Bernardino city is also the home of the very first McDonald’s restaurant. It was originally a barbecue restaurant set up by brothers Dick and Mac McDonald in 1940. They noted that their best sellers were hamburgers, so they retooled their restaurant and created their “Speedee Service System,” making them a fast food legend. Also, I just saw on the news that their French fries have the lowest number of calories amongst all fast food fries, including In and Out’s fries.
Pretty good stuff, huh? But what about the bad stuff, the not-so-good elements of the IE?
Going with the IE’s perhaps better known nickname, the 909, I found the following definitions on Urban Dictionary:
The area code in Southern California for Riverside and San Bernardino County; usually associated with white trash.
…A great place to live between Los Angeles and Las Vegas if you don’t mind the meth labs, cows, and dirt people.
The arm pit of southern california. or the meth lab capital of the world
My oh my.
And my observations? There are an awful lot of Ford pick-up trucks here with “No Fear” stickers. Every time we go hiking, we spot mud-covered motorbikes and ATVs. A fair number of trailer parks and undeveloped plots of land cover this region. Seeing a field full of overgrown weeds and perhaps an abandoned shack is a common sight. And I mean really common.
If you are a single female, you should avoid walking alone on the streets at night. All the empty fields make for extreme danger.
While there are a handful of tasty Japanese, Thai, and Chinese restaurants, you won’t find many other Asian foods here. One Thai place actually serves Chinese food, though it calls itself a Thai restaurant. I’m guessing the owners aren’t Thai.
Chain stores dominate the retail market. It is rare to find a unique boutique store here. I imagine all the Mom & Pop shops shut down years ago. In their place are all the usual culprits: Walmart, Kmart, Costco, Denny’s, McDonalds, Starbucks, etc.
Fortunately, I have yet to come into contact with a meth lab. But who knows, perhaps I drive by them all the time without knowing.
The dry heat is perhaps the most distinctive characteristic of the IE, or 909, or whatever you want to call it. Horrible for both the skin and the paint on your car, the weather follows typical desert patterns — crazy hot during the day, ice cold during the night.
And that, in a nutshell, is the IE: a desert devoid of much, except for a few pockets of really nice hope and niceties. Which, if you think about it, is kind of like Internet Explorer too.
Did you know that the Earth was almost struck by an asteroid this week? Unless you follow science news closely, you may have missed it.
The asteroid, designated 2009 DD45, is less than a third of a football field in diameter (approximately 20-30 yards). After watching movies like Armageddon and Deep Impact, that seems pretty small, doesn’t it? It’s no Texas-sized Global Killer like in Armageddon.
The impact of 2009 DD45 would still have been disastrous. “The force of multi-megaton nuclear blast,” wrote one reporter. Striking a city would have leveled it and killed millions. Striking the ocean would have caused a horrible tsunami that devastated coastlines.
Yikes!
To be fair, our planet is struck by asteroids all the time. Most burn up in the atmosphere. Few make it to the ground in the size of basketballs, baseballs, or smaller.
However, in 1908 a large asteroid struck Siberia, near the Tunguska River, with a force 1,000 times more powerful than the nuclear bomb dropped in Hiroshima, Japan. It is believed that this asteroid may have been a few tens of meters in diameter.
Scary stuff. While it doesn’t do any good to sit here worrying about asteroid impacts, the idea of one certainly puts life into perspective.
What if the world were to end tomorrow?
It is a question commonly asked by thinkers and philosophers, usually as a way to guide our actions throughout our current life.
The question is invariably followed by the assertion that every day should be lived like it is one’s last. However, doing that is unrealistic. If the world really were to end tomorrow, most people would be out there, having raging orgies, eating fatty foods, or generally doing all sorts of selfish, indulgent activities they normally wouldn’t do. Perhaps people really shouldn’t live each day like it is their last.
Another answer is to live life without regrets. Unfortunately, that is not a satisfactory answer for many. Living without regrets means there will be a tomorrow with which to feel regret. If the world ended tomorrow, that would be moot.
I believe the answer is somewhere in between each of these. The contentment of living each day like it is your last should be in sync with having no regrets because you’ve done so with honor and integrity. Every time you go to sleep, you should do so with a smile and a clear conscience, no matter your religious and spiritual beliefs.
Why should you live life that way? How about spiritual satisfaction? Honorable livelihood? Or that well-worn cliché: A life of virtue is its own reward.
It may not sound easy to live life this way, but once you do, you will find it easy to. You will not only be ready for the end of the world, but you will be ready for potential judgment in the afterlife too, if such a thing exists.
The end of the world may not be that far off either. Asteroid 99942 Apophis is due to pass by our planet in 2029, most probably missing us. Then it will circle around and come near us again in 2036. The second visit may not be a miss.
99942 Apophis is somewhere between 210 to 330 meters wide – much bigger than 2009 DD45, but fortunately much smaller than Texas. An impact with this asteroid would cause untold destruction around its unlucky impact point.
Fortunately, it wouldn’t cause an end to the world. Pardon my earlier exaggeration. It would most certainly cause an end for some people though. Scientists have already been working on solutions though, a la Deep Impact. From solar sails to adding mass (to alter its trajectory), solutions are being modeled and perfected. With roughly twenty-seven years to plan and build, hopefully they will come up with a viable answer in time.
Let’s go back to the end-of-the-world question again. An assumption it makes is that we wouldn’t have much time to prepare for the world’s end. It would just be upon us suddenly, as a real-life Global Killer probably would do.
Does it surprise you that you didn’t hear about 2009 DD45 until just recently? Such an event ought to make a fair bit of news, right? Sure, the media could have been sitting quietly on this story for months, resisting the urge to break it for the sake of the public.
I’ll wait while you ROFL.
No, clearly the media would do no such thing, whether or not it would be in the public’s best interest. The simple truth is that scientists didn’t know about 2009 DD45 until two days before its apparent impact. Prolific asteroid hunter Robert McNaught of Siding Spring Observatory in Australia spotted it when it was only 1.5 million miles away. Then Timothy Spahr of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics determined that it wouldn’t be a threat within an hour of its discovery.
In other words, they spotted it then quickly realized it wasn’t going to cause untold destruction. The media probably picked up the story and figured it wasn’t important enough to turn into a major headline.
Perhaps that is a good thing. Who knows how the public would have reacted if they misinterpreted the news as the actual end of the world? Maybe with raging orgies, eating fatty foods, or all sorts of selfish, indulgent activities. Or maybe they would be at peace, having already lived each day like it was their last, with honor, integrity, and contentment. Which would you rather do?
(I know, I know… orgy vs honorable contentment. I really haven’t made a convincing argument, have I?)
I was minding my own business when seven words caught my attention:
“And then she went down on him?”
How fortunate. I’m on my laptop right now, trying to come up with something to write. Thank you sweet fate for offering this titillating story to me via eavesdropping.
“No, he did not.”
I inch my chair closer while keeping my eyes on my screen. Mustn’t be too obvious.
“Wait, how old is she again?”
My fingers tip-tap on the keyboard. I scramble to capture it all.
“Okay, but like, how old was she then?”
A quick glance around the cafe netted a few other eavesdroppers. How could you not eavesdrop on a conversation like this? She wasn’t being particularly quiet on her cell phone either.
“Ohmigod isn’t she worried about him getting shot or anything?”
Someone coughs and looks away. Our collective minds are bubbling with explanations. Maybe he was a drug dealer. Maybe he was in a street gang. Maybe…
“Wow, I didn’t know he made sergeant. Like, which precinct?”
Oh, okay, so he’s a police officer.
“Ohmigod she did not say that! Get out of here, she did not say that!”
What did she say? What did she say?
“Before she turned thirty? Seriously? So that’s why her wedding seemed so last minute. It was so rushed. Ohmigod did you see the centerpieces? They were so messy.”
Did this girl give this police officer’s baton a shining just to get married before she turned thirty? That’s determination. This girl sounds like once she’s focused on something, she won’t let go. Maybe literally.
“I know, like, there were pedals everywhere. They were dropping off everywhere.”
I like how this conversation just took a major detour. From sex to work to marriage to wedding. Just like the progression of a natural relationship, I suppose.
“Ohmigod he was so cute. Did you see him? He looked so adorable!”
Could be the best man. Or the little kid who walks down the aisle before the wedding party, whatever they call him.
“So is she, like, happy now that she’s married and everything?”
Ah yes, the most important question of the day. I lean closer.
“Oh. Ohmigod. Oh. Ohmigod.”
What? What?! Tell us! Prying minds want to know!
“Ohmigod. That poor thing.”
Dammit, tell us! You’ve carried us along this far, you can’t stop now. What happened to your friend??
“You know, I totally knew this would happen. Like, I know a friend whose sister dated a cop, and he would like, totally come home and beat on her. No, yea. Like, it’s a power trip thing or something. Yea. Totally.”
Oh. That’s pretty awful. I know not all police officers are like this, but it’s awful her friend is going through whatever she’s going through. Some of the other cafe patrons return to their lattes, having heard enough.
“Ohmigod! Get out! Oh, she is such a slut!”
Oh? The other patrons peek over again.
“That guy from her office? I think I met him. Ohmigod I totally met him! She did him? No way!”
Ooo, methinks this story is getting better again. This whole conversation is like a car wreck; you just can’t turn away, bloody bodies and all.
“Oh really? No, really?”
Suddenly, she gets up. Everyone shifts in their seats and pretends to be reading whatever is on their table. A laptop, a magazine, the logo on their cups. She seems oblivious as she shuffles out the door.
“And then she went down on him?”
That’s the last we hear of her titillating tale. And thus it comes full circle, back to the beginning seven words. Just like love and life. Thanks for the story! Hope things work out for your friend!
“How would you rate this year for you?” my friend asked. “From a scale of one to five: one being the worst, five being the best.”
I scratched my chin and cleared my throat. Then I gave my answer.
“Five,” I replied.
He sat back in his seat. “Five? The best? Really?” He clutched his espresso and regarded me through the hot rising vapors.
I nodded. “I would give 2008 a five because this was a year of new starts and new challenges. Despite the poor economy and layoffs, there’s been a lot of new hope too. And I don’t just mean a new presidency. For me, personally, there’ve been a lot of positives.”
I picked up my mocha and took a sip. He echoed with a sip of espresso. For a brief moment, we savored our drinks and pondered the question. Then he put his cup down and waited for me to continue. I cleared my throat again.
“First of all, I started a new relationship. It wasn’t always easy, but it’s been going really well. I’m totally happy and excited about it. Heck, I kind of feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have met her. And it happened all because of chance. Or perhaps fate. That in itself could give 2008 a high score.”
He nodded. “True, you’ve been very lucky in the romance department.”
“Career-wise, starting a new business has been exciting as hell too. Frustrating as hell sometimes, but mostly exciting. I’ve made some mistakes, but they’re great lessons learned. I actually look forward to, and expect to make many mistakes. Each one is going to make us that much stronger, especially in this economy. While other people are scared off by such risks, we’re facing them head-on and still making a profit.”
“That’s fantastic! Not many people can do what you’re doing.”
“And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m not struggling or scared at all. There are days when I wake up wondering if this is going to be sustainable in the long run. But that’s what I wanted to worry about when I quit my full-time job. I wanted the fear of having no steady paycheck to propel me forward. Having no cushion is a tremendous motivator for making immediate profits, let me tell you.”
He shook his head. “I’ll bet.”
“Investment-wise, not all of them have panned out. My portfolio has taken a dive, like most other people. But I still have a few hopeful investments out there. The market will swing back up again too. While there’s been lots of stress around my investments, overall, I’m pleased with my positions.”
“That’s very optimistic of you. A lot of people feel quite differently about that.”
I shrugged. “Yea, I know. Perhaps my rating for this year isn’t just due to the excitement of these new starts and challenges. It’s also due to my general outlook on life. I tend to be optimistic about a lot of things. For me, mistakes don’t get me down as much as others, because I see them as ways to strengthen myself. And where others see problems, I see opportunities. Ultimately, I think life is all about what you make of it. You can choose to be pessimistic about it, or optimistic about it. You can choose to be pushed around and react to the world, or push back and shape the world.” I stared at my mocha. “I’m beginning to sound full of myself, aren’t I?”
He smiled. “I think your view is refreshing. It’s a very hopeful view. In these dark days, it’s nice to see something with some light in their eyes.”
I quietly took a slow sip, savoring the sweet mocha on my tongue. “I’m not saying it’s easy to always stay positive. But once I push my mind into that direction, it’s really easy to continue with that attitude. It’s like a muscle; the more I think this way, the easier it is to see all the possibilities out there. The more I work it, the stronger it becomes. Hmmm, I’m not sure if that analogy totally works.”
He took another sip, then held his cup and paused for a moment. “You know what you should do? You should write about this.”
I smirked. “How do you know I wasn’t already going to?”
He chuckled. “You saw an opportunity for a story and you went for it. Very opportunistic of you.”
We laughed and savored the last few drops of our drinks. Then we put our cups down for a reflective moment. I cleared my throat. “So how would you rate this year?”
You know the Wear Sunscreen Speech, right? If not, where have you been? Under a rock buried in the sand behind an outhouse on an island with dark sunglasses at night? Tsk tsk.
The Wear Sunscreen Speech—sometimes simply known as the “Sunscreen Speech”, but originally called “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young”—was written by Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich way back on June 1, 1997 as a fictional commencement speech that she’d like to give if she were ever asked to.
For some reason, a mischievous student decided to send the speech around as a MIT commencement speech given by Kurt Vonnegut. Weird, huh? If you’ve seen that email, now you know who really wrote that speech—Mary Schmich and not Kurt Vonnegut (though Vonnegut could have certainly written something just as witty & profound).
You may have also heard the speech in song form by Australian film director Baz Luhrmann as “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen): The Sunscreen Song”. This song gave the speech new life and a wider reach. Luhrmann had also seen the Vonnegut email and tried to contact him. But when one of his colleagues jumped on the web to track down Vonnegut, they found out about the hoax and how Mary Schmich was the original author. So he contacted Schmich, and the rest is history.
This speech is one of my favorite pieces. Chock full of advice like a rich & yummy granola bar, I’ve followed many of its nuggets before. They’ve directed my life like delicious road signs on my yellow brick road. Some of my favorite nuggets are:
- Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
- Do one thing every day that scares you.
- Floss.
- Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
- Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good.
- Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
- Respect your elders.
Great nuggets, huh? That’s what I got out of it. Here’s the full speech, so you can find your own nuggets. Bon appetit.
Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97.
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idel Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year- olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone. Mayber you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody’s else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont’ be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Zen is a school of thought, a state of being. A way of thinking. Traditionally, it is a school of Mahayana Buddhism known for emphasizing an acceptance of the present, embracing spontaneous action, and emancipating the self-conscious & judgmental thinking.
For better or worse, its meaning has evolved as other schools of thought have adopted and interpreted it. In the Mike Lee School of Thought, I merely make a contemporary addition to the traditional definition: excising physical belongings and converting them to a non-corporeal form, namely, the digital format. In my geeky way, this is what I call Digital Zen.
(Yes, I’m a big fat geek. I admit it.)
(And yes, I realize the hypocrisy of Digital Zen. I’ll get to that later.)
First, let me admit something else. I have a Collector’s Mentality. This means I like to collect things, almost compulsively. If I obtain something that belongs to a set, I have to get every other item within that set. Knowing this, I’m judicious about what I buy, because starting a collection of pricy items gets real expensive real fast.
Now, onto excising physical belongings.
Like most people, I love music. I love music so much that I used to own over 600 CDs. That number could have been smaller had I not obsessively collected all the albums of my favorite artists, of course. But hey, everyone’s got their vices. At least mine ain’t shooting up heroin in alleyways at night.
I love movies too. And sure, who doesn’t? I never had a vast DVD collection though, because I consciously stayed away from starting one, knowing how expensive it would have gotten. Gosh, imagine all the boxed sets I would have purchased. Good thing I know my limits.
I also love books. I’m a total bookworm. Fortunately, I’ve been good about not buying every book by my favorite authors, though the temptation was there. However, since I consume books quickly, I’ve always needed a constant stream of books to maintain my appetite.
Though I’m no professional, I also love taking photographs. The Collector’s Mentality doesn’t apply here as much, but I used to have shoeboxes and shoeboxes (and a few photo albums) of photographs. Sadly, I’d rarely look through them once I stored them away, but I still kept taking new ones regardless.
I’ve also had a few personal organizers to keep track of family & friends’ contact information and birthdays. This included a meticulous calendar to manage my hectic schedule too. Some friends have moved around so much that their entries are littered with scribbled-out addresses and phone numbers, making for a very messy personal organizer.
No surprise here, but I also love to write. Give me a pen and a notebook, and I’ll try my best to conjure up a story or three. Maybe I’ll even record a wacky personal experience or funny conversation. If I were to put all of these weekly essays onto paper, that would be a lot of trees.
All of these belongings—music, movies, books, photographs, addresses, calendars, and essays—amounted to a lot of shelf space. A lot. For a single guy who’s lived in lots of different places, this was always a chore to move.
Then one day, I decided to simplify my life. To live more Zen-like. More specifically, to excise my personal belongings. I thought, “What if there’s an earthquake one day? Or a fire? Or I have to suddenly move overseas? How will I deal with all of this stuff?”
The geek in me answered, “You can digitize all of that. Then you won’t have to carry around all those CDs, DVDs, books, photographs, personal organizers, and boxes of personal essays. All you’ll need is an external hard drive and maybe a few back-up DVDs.” There’s also the solution of OmniDrive.com and other online hard drive services. That would mean I’d get to keep all of my stuff in a non-corporeal form and not have to lug around pounds and pounds of stuff. Goodbye problem, hello technology!
So I’ve been happily digitizing my life. I’m sure my grandparents would never understand this, but my children and grandchildren will. They’ll probably even go, “Well, duh.”
But ah, there is hypocrisy in this Digital Zen idea. How am I really excising personal belongings when I’m merely converting them into another form? I haven’t really gotten rid of them. Aren’t my belongings still controlling me? And even worse, don’t I have an excuse to collect even more now, since it’s so easy to own more of them?
Sigh… Yes. There’s the rub. Digital Zen is a sham, a façade, a hypocrisy. All I’ve really done is excise the weight of my belongings. Then there’s the worry of someone swiping a magnet near my hard drives or a fire burning my back-up DVDs. This wouldn’t be a concern if I used OmniDrive.com however, unless all of their data centers get hit with an earthquake or something, Heaven forbid.
That’s okay though. I don’t really care about the hypocrisy of this idea. It feels great having all of these things in a portable and easy-to-access form. That’s the great benefit of digitizing my belongings. I can move to another country right now and only need to carry a laptop, a few back-up DVDs, and some clothes and toiletries. Being lightweight and mobile engenders quite a feeling of freedom, I must say. Almost, I dare say, Zen-like.
The hypocrisy really comes down to a matter of poor labeling. Perhaps I should call this Digital Life or Digital Memories or something. Digital Zen is just such a cool name though, you know?
And at least I’m a big fat geek, sitting here digitizing my life and not shooting up heroin in alleyway somewhere, right?
“Why are people always trying to brag about how bad their eyesight is?”
Ken adjusted his glasses and shrugged. “People brag about their eyesight?”
My arms flailed about furiously as I nodded. “Hells yea. People are always saying, ‘How bad is your eyesight?’ ‘Well, mine is worse.’ ‘Oh yea, I can’t even see that sign over there. I’m as blind as a bat.’ I’m so sick of that.”
“Ah, I know what you mean. Everyone seems to do that, huh? Maybe…” he looked out the window thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s because people are competitive, and once you start talking about eyesight, trying to one-up each other becomes a competition.”
“Competition, huh? That’s lame.”
Ken took a slow sip of his espresso. He put his cup down and cleared his throat. “So how bad is your eyesight?”
I cast him the People’s Eyebrow. “You’re going to ask me that too?”
“No, no, no, I don’t mean to sound competitive about it. I’m not going to brag about how bad my eyesight is.”
I crossed my arms. “Good.”
“Even though…”
I groaned.
“Even though, my eyesight IS pretty bad, you know.”
“Here we go again,” I muttered. My eyes rolled so far in the back of my head that I could see my brains throbbing in exasperation.
“Really. Take a look at my glasses. Here, take a look.” He handed me his glasses. I peered through them, and then directed sunlight through the lens. We sat in silence as a napkin began to smolder.
I tossed the glasses back to him. “Yea, okay, you’re pretty blind.”
“So how blind are you?”
I looked out the window. There were signs everywhere: traffic signs, billboards, store logos. “I probably couldn’t read any of those signs without my contacts.”
Ken squinted out the window. “I can kinda read Starbucks right there. You really can’t read that?”
“Without my contacts, probably not.”
“Bullshit. What’s your vision?”
I sighed. “Are we really doing this?”
“C’mon man, that’s bullshit. My vision is like 20/100. Twenty to fricken a hundred. How blind is that?”
I swirled my white chocolate mocha around. Ken put his glasses back on and studied me.
“C’mon, what’s your vision? You can’t be worse than me.”
“Dude, what was I just saying? You’re really bragging about how bad your eyesight is? Really? Why don’t you brag about something else. Like how good your jump shot is, or how much money you make. Hell, brag about how you know everything about cars, anything. But don’t brag about how bad your eyesight is. That’s like bragging about how small your dick is.”
He shook his head. “You’re just bitter because your eyesight isn’t as bad as mine and you know you’re losing.”
I took a slow sip of mocha. As I carefully placed the cup down, I exhaled all the exasperation in my brain. “You know that big E in the eye doctor’s examination room?”
“Yea?”
“Without contacts, I can’t see that.”
Ken blinked. “What?!”
“That big E represents 200 feet.”
He blinked again.
“That means my vision is worse than 20/200. My eye doctor told me he doesn’t have instruments that can measure exactly what my vision is. All he knows is, my eyesight is worse than 20/200.”
Ken sat up in his seat for a moment. His mouth was agape. Slowly, he slumped into his chair with sagged shoulders. He took his glasses off, cleaned them, and put them back on again.
I took a few more sips and leaned back, staring out the window the whole time.
Ken shook his head. “Shoot. Okay, you win. Your eyesight is fricken bad. You’re as blind as a bat. Worse. You’re blinder than a bat. You’re… you’re just fricken blind.” He threw his hands up. “You win.”
As I looked out the window, I grinned. Yes, I won!
