I was minding my own business when seven words caught my attention:
"And then she went down on him?"
How fortunate. I'm on my laptop right now, trying to come up with something to write. Thank you sweet fate for offering this titillating story to me via eavesdropping.
"Why do you think people are close-minded?"
I regarded the question like a fresh forehead pimple on a first date. "Because people are idiots, that's why."
"What a close-minded answer," my friend answered.
"How would you rate this year for you?" my friend asked. "From a scale of one to five: one being the worst, five being the best."
I scratched my chin and cleared my throat. Then I gave my answer.
(read more…)
"Hey stupidhead, that's my cup of latte!" Leslie shouts.
The guy looks down at the latte, snorts, and takes a gulp. "I don't see your name on it," he huffs. Fuming, Leslie starts to wave her hands through the air.
You know what I love? Liquid Cocaine.
Back at my previous job, there are cozy cafes that serve up free espressos, cappuccinos, lattes, chai teas, and more. Every so often, the baristas would concoct special drinks with different blends of syrups, like the Mint Chocolate Chip (mocha with mint syrup) or the Strawberry Shortcake (macchiato with strawberry syrup and whipped cream).
"I just don't get chicks."
With a coffee in hand, I leaned back and regarded my friend. "C'mon man, who really ever gets chicks?"
"Did I tell you about that date I had last weekend? It was with this girl I really liked, but throughout the date, she didn't seem that interested in me?"
"Why are people always trying to brag about how bad their eyesight is?"
Ken adjusted his glasses and shrugged. "People brag about their eyesight?"
My arms flailed about furiously as I nodded. "Hells yea. People are always saying, 'How bad is your eyesight?' 'Well, mine is worse.' 'Oh yea, I can't even see that sign over there. I'm as blind as a bat.' I'm so sick of that."
"Are you guys talking about masturbation?"
Lisa and I glanced at Ken. His eyes were dancing in their sockets.
"Sorta," I smirked. "We were talking about that Seinfeld episode where Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer have a contest about…"
"The master of your domain episode!" Ken scooted his chair closer. "I loved that episode!"
"I look forward to growing old."
"Are you insane?" Lisa gasped. She regarded me like a little puppy that just ate his own poop.
"What's up with this fascination for Japanese girls in maid outfits?" Kim asked.
Masako laughed. "In the maid cafes, the girls will treat you like a king. The Japanese businessmen love them. When you go inside, the girls will say, 'Welcome home, Master' in Japanese, then dote on you the entire time you're there."
"Do they do, um, anything else?" I wondered.
"NO Mike. Get your mind out of the gutter."
Weekly random rambles, musings & writings of Mike Lee in San Francisco, CA