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The Inland Empire

May 17th, 2009
By Mike Lee

When I first heard the acronym "IE" I thought it meant "Internet Explorer." That's because I am a web geek and IE in the web world means Internet Explorer.

Now I know better. The initials IE can stand for many things. A web browser that has frequently frustrated many a web developer. A Latin abbreviation for "id est," which corresponds to "that is" and not "for example." Or a hot, dry, wasteland of a Californian desert with the occasional pocket of life and delicious food.

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Ode to Commode

February 22nd, 2009
By Mike Lee

Here I sit,
broken-hearted.
Came to shit,
only farted.

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The Pick-Up at the Drive-Thru

January 18th, 2009
By Mike Lee
Setting:
I'm on the phone with my girlfriend. She is in her car at a fast food drive-thru. There is a car ahead of her in the line.
Girlfriend:
…and then I have to complete ten more reports before getting into work tomorrow and… um… hmm, that was weird. The person in front of me is waving at me. I wonder if I know that guy.

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How Would You Rate This Year?

December 21st, 2008
By Mike Lee

"How would you rate this year for you?" my friend asked. "From a scale of one to five: one being the worst, five being the best."

I scratched my chin and cleared my throat. Then I gave my answer.
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What Would You Do If the World Was Full of Zombies?

November 30th, 2008
By Mike Lee

I think we can all agree that sometimes, it's important to prepare for the worst. Part of any good preparation plan includes scenario building. From those various scenarios can come any number of solutions.

So it was with this judicious safety research in mind that my cousins and I embarked on the critical scenario building of what we'd do if the world was full of zombies. Such are the in-depth discussions that brew out of a belly full of Thanksgiving turkey.
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Ten Fun Things to Do on Thanksgiving

November 23rd, 2008
By Mike Lee

Oh boy, Thanksgiving is coming soon! That means family and food and fun!

What kind of fun? How about this kind of fun:
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How to Get Rid of Lactose Intolerance

November 16th, 2008
By Mike Lee

I, like many Asian Americans I know, turned lactose intolerant a few years ago. Right around the age of 30. And it totally sucked ass.

No more Cold Stones and Ben & Jerrys. Goodbye Pizookies. Hello estrogen-laden soy milk. (Reduced sex drive what??)

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That Chocolate Egg Doesn't Taste Right

November 2nd, 2008
By Mike Lee

I thought it kind of my friend to leave those chocolate eggs in my fridge. She had needed a place to crash for a while. Since I was out of town, I offered up my place, provided she didn't go around snooping through my porn stash or crack needles. (I kid, I kid!)

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Turtle Snack Attack

October 26th, 2008
By Mike Lee

"Awww, what a cute little turtle!" he marveled. The baby turtle, about the size of his thumb's fingernail, wiggled on his finger. Its tiny legs struggled to climb and move somewhere.

"It's so cute it looks almost good to eat! Hmm… maybe…"

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Leslie Magic

September 28th, 2008
By Mike Lee

"Hey stupidhead, that's my cup of latte!" Leslie shouts.

The guy looks down at the latte, snorts, and takes a gulp. "I don't see your name on it," he huffs. Fuming, Leslie starts to wave her hands through the air.

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