I, like many Asian Americans I know, turned lactose intolerant a few years ago. Right around the age of 30. And it totally sucked ass.
No more Cold Stones and Ben & Jerrys. Goodbye Pizookies. Hello estrogen-laden soy milk. (Reduced sex drive what??)
I thought it kind of my friend to leave those chocolate eggs in my fridge. She had needed a place to crash for a while. Since I was out of town, I offered up my place, provided she didn't go around snooping through my porn stash or crack needles. (I kid, I kid!)
"Awww, what a cute little turtle!" he marveled. The baby turtle, about the size of his thumb's fingernail, wiggled on his finger. Its tiny legs struggled to climb and move somewhere.
"It's so cute it looks almost good to eat! Hmm… maybe…"
"Hey stupidhead, that's my cup of latte!" Leslie shouts.
The guy looks down at the latte, snorts, and takes a gulp. "I don't see your name on it," he huffs. Fuming, Leslie starts to wave her hands through the air.
Barney cautiously leans over the "pad thai" and sniffs. Sniff sniff.
Suddenly, a tendril of pad thai leaps up and grips his nose. He yelps! The tendril snakes into his left nostril and out the right one.
You know what I love? Liquid Cocaine.
Back at my previous job, there are cozy cafes that serve up free espressos, cappuccinos, lattes, chai teas, and more. Every so often, the baristas would concoct special drinks with different blends of syrups, like the Mint Chocolate Chip (mocha with mint syrup) or the Strawberry Shortcake (macchiato with strawberry syrup and whipped cream).
"After a long, hard day," Sunitha says with a breathy sigh, "there's nothing I like better than to down a good cold one."
She picks up a bottle of Negra Modelo and tosses it back expertly.
"I think I know why people cheat."
"Oh?" I looked up from my lunch. "Do tell."
Jimmy cleared his throat. "Okay, here it goes."
If you had to give up one of your senses, which would you give up? Sight, smell, sound, touch, or taste?
I'd give up smell. In a heartbeat.
Farts. Vomit. Rotten eggs. Good riddance!
Weekly random rambles, musings & writings of Mike Lee in San Francisco, CA