"Can I ask you something off-topic? If a family pet dies, how long can you keep it in the freezer?"
I froze. Slowly, I turned my head. A woman with incredibly large and red hair was barking into a pink Motorola Razr.
"How did you get up there?" our little cousins asked. They were on their tippy-toes, as if their toes would magically get them on the roof too.
"We flew," my brother and I answered.
"No you didn't. Did you?"
"Yup, we did. And you can't come up because you don't believe us."
"You ever wonder about those missed chances?"
I scratched my chin. "What do you mean? Like Missed Connections on Craigslist?"
"No, no," Tim shook his head. "I mean, like, you meet someone briefly, but you don't really follow through. What if that person was The One for you? And now you lost your chance?"
"Why do so many girls go for assholes?" Ken asked.
I shrugged and took a swig of beer. "Maybe it's not as simple as that."
"Huh?" Ken shifted in his seat. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe those girls don't think those guys are assholes."
"Do people really live happily ever after?" asked the eleven year-old. He stared up at me with wide, eager eyes.
"Well…" I paused. I sucked in a breath. "That's a big question."
He continued to gaze at me, unwavering. I knew I had to give him an answer. It's rare nowadays for the young to seek advice from their elders, so I couldn't let him down.
He leaned in close. She could smell his sweat and deodorant.
"Why don't you like me?" he asked.
She closed her eyes. The words were in her head, but she didn't have the heart to let them out.
Date: June 2 To: Mike Lee From: Friend in IT Subject: [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...
hey mike, here's the full thread. I reordered it so it's in chronological order. it's funny as hell. it's like a friggin soap opera. don't these people know that my job is to monitor work emails? they shouldn't be sending crap like this at work. but what the hell. makes my job more fun. heh. enjoy!
"Kim is a total bitch."
Lisa looked shocked. "What? Why?"
"Because," I paused and cleared my throat, "she's annoying, spoiled, self-centered, manipulative, condescending, air-headed, and, well, a total bitch."
Weekly random rambles, musings & writings of Mike Lee in San Francisco, CA