It's not that Kris is unintelligent. Far from it. Her Ivy League graduate degree is plenty proof of that. In fact, she's one of the most intelligent people I know.
It's just that… well… let me tell you the story and you can see for yourself. (She's going to hate me for this.)
I admit it: I'm not always a "positive" influence on small children.
What exactly is "positive" anyways? And who's to say that teaching a four-year-old girl to French-kiss my girlfriend is not a "positive" thing anyhow?
Before you give me that look, let me explain.
Woofer, the 170 pound Irish Wolfhound, backed his new owners to the couch and to their amazement, began speaking.
"Listen folks, this is how it's going to be…"
"Eat your brussel sprouts, Jimmy," his mother said. "They'll make you grow big and strong, just like the Hulk."
Jimmy frowned and pecked his brussel sprouts. He didn't like how they tasted, but he knew his mother was right. Mother was always right.
Here's what all you ladies have been waiting for: the innermost workings of the male mind. All the deepest, darkest, dankest secrets that no guy ever wanted you to know.
"You know the saying, 'Nice guys finish last'? Well, that's bullshit. I'll tell you who finishes last: passive guys."
Ken's shoulders sagged. His eyes drifted to the suds in his beer. "I don't get it. How's that different?"
"Holy frozen frosticles!" screamed Harry the Elf as he was hurtled out of the sleigh. The ice-biting wind blasted snowflakes onto his face, piercing his skin. He looked down into the void below as he fell.
A few years ago, some single friends asked me to go with them to a speed dating event. I wasn't able to make it, but I really wish I could have. Here's why:
"My bones hurt."
"They do not. Bones can't feel pain."
I looked at my fingers. "Must be my joints then. Arthritis."
"You do not have arthritis," Lisa argued.
My desert-island, all-time, top five most memorable break-up songs, in chronological order:
Weekly random rambles, musings & writings of Mike Lee in San Francisco, CA