My ass hurts.

But it was worth it! What a rush!

I'm talking about snowboarding, man!

Went to Lake Tahoe last weekend for the Boarding for Breast Cancer event. Saw Linkin Park, Static X, Grand Theft Auto, Stereomud, and one other band whose name I can't remember right now.

We stayed at a really shady motel. The Chateau Inn and Suites. I'm telling you this because I must warn you—if you don't mind rooms that look nothing like its photos on the web site, as well as being more expensive than the site indicates, then by all means, go ahead.

Just make sure you put a towel over the suspicious wires dangling all over the place, since I'm sure you wouldn't want those sneaky cameras to record your intimate moments and post them on some voyeur web site somewhere.

Get this. When we got to the Chateau Spa and Suites Inn (where our reservation was made), they told us that OOPS, they had no vacancies here. Try the Chateau Inn and Suites instead.

So we drove over to the other Chateau, and the guy stuck us into a crappy room that looked nothing like what we reserved on the web site.

We went down to the front desk and asked about this wide discrepancy. And here was the excuse he gave me: "Uh, the room you reserved got burned down, man."

Burned down?? The guy from the other place didn't say nothing about no fires. Huh.

Shady, I tell ya. Truly shady.

But back to snowboarding.

It was my first time, man! I've only skied once before too, but since I really enjoyed that, I figured I'd love snowboarding too.

Wanna hear a funny story? On that first ski trip, my "friends" (notice the quotes around the word friends) took me up to the Intermediate Slope and told me that was the Bunny Slope.

Huh! They damn lucky I didn't break no bones, yo.

You noticed how the word "friends" was in quotes back there, right? Right.

But to their credit, that experience forced me to learn how to ski quickly. By the end of the day, I was maneuvering down the slope without having to do the plow.

After that quick ski lesson, I assumed I'd have no problem snowboarding too.

However, I greatly underestimated how the effects of time can have on the memory of skiing. As in, I haven't skiing in a long-assed time, so I've pretty much forgotten how to do everything and anything.

Getting off the ski lift: plop right on the snow. Strapping my other foot onto the board at the top of the hill: plop right on the snow.

Boarding two inches down the slope: plop right on the snow.

It took a while to get the whole Stopping thing down. Gravity helped me with the Going Downhill part. But because of a lack of Stopping ability, I used the Alternate Stopping technique: Falling Flat on My Ass.

Hey, don't knock that technique. It works like a charm.

Sure, my ass cheeks are now as black and blue as two huge blueberries. But at least I didn't crash into any innocent bystanders on that slope. I sacrificed my ass cheeks for their well being, man. Hell, I deserve a medal.

And best of all, all of this fun went to a great cause. Breast cancer is very prominent in Long Island, NY (where I'm originally from), so any way I can support this cause is a good thing.

I gave my ass for breasts, man. What a trade-off! And hell, it was definitely worth it!

. . .

Have you ever been to Boarding for Breast Cancer?