Are Men Intimidated By Independent & Successful Women?

Are you a well-educated, intelligent, independent, and successful woman… who is still single? You’re not alone (no pun intended).

More and more women are getting advanced degrees and pursuing their careers. And staying single. Sometimes voluntarily, sometimes involuntarily.

Wait, involuntarily? Why is that? What’s preventing them from being in a relationship?

Before we answer that, it’s important to realize that many women are staying single because they want to. They’re focused on their careers, are very ambitious, and are pursuing their dreams. Their hectic schedules don’t offer much time for the hassles and turmoil of dating.

Many do ultimately want a relationship, but are independent enough—financially & emotionally—to postpone it until the right man comes along. They hold high standards for their men, just as they hold high standards for themselves. Although these standards weed out most of the men they meet, they don’t mind; they’re willing & able to wait.

But what if you don’t want to wait anymore? Maybe you’re ready to settle down now. Maybe you’re lonely and want companionship. Maybe your biological clock is not just ticking anymore, it’s pounding. What to do, what to do…

The easy answer is: go out and find a man. Yea, sure, and while you’re at it, pick up an extra million dollars on the way home too.

Why do well-educated, intelligent, independent, and successful women find it so hard to find a man? Is it because men are intimidated by them?

To answer that, let’s look at three real-life anecdotes from women I know.

Women with MBAs

Within a local, prestigious MBA program, two girls noticed that most of their male classmates going for girls without advanced degrees. Instead of dating within their sizable pool of beautiful, sexy, and intelligent MBA classmates, the guys were dating, and even marrying, girls outside of their program. “Guys with MBAs just don’t want girls with MBAs,” one lamented. They seemed to prefer less educated women.

Women in Triathlons

After meeting a great guy, one girl was shocked to find him suddenly pulling away after a few successful dates. This was shortly after talking about her rigorous triathlon training program. He cited her busy schedule (which included work and triathlon training) as the reason to slow things down. She sensed it was more about her triathlon than her work, though he denied it. However, he would occasionally make comments about how much stronger she was than him.

Women as Doctors vs Teachers

A group of female doctors often went clubbing together. Each time, they’d try an experiment. On some nights, they’d tell guys that they were doctors. On other nights, they’d tell guys that they were teachers, librarians, and interior decorators. Guess which profession the guys gravitated towards? “It’s funny; every time we told them the truth, they’d disappear. But if we told them we were teachers or something, they’d flock around us and try to get our numbers.”

Sure sounds like men are intimidated to independent and successful women to me. We can even add physically fit to that list. What’s an independent and successful woman to do?

A Solution and a Silver Lining

Kris Frieswick of MSN Money has a solution. In her article “Too successful for a mate?” she notes that many successful women hold unrealistic expectations for a relationship. They look for a partner who is just as successful as they are, if not moreso. She suggests adjusting those expectations and seeking only those that are relevant to a happy relationship.

“I abandoned the expectation of many ‘must-have’ items in my years of dating before I met my husband.” Frieswick writes. “It’s not that I couldn’t find a man who possessed the right qualities, but it turned out they were irrelevant to a happy relationship. Was it crucial that my husband have a master’s degree? No. Would it be a deal- breaker if he didn’t love mountain biking as much as I do? No.”

Even Kathleen Gerson, a Professor of Sociology at New York University, agrees. “Women have increasingly high standards for who that partner might be, and because they have the ability to support themselves, they can afford to wait. They can apply those high standards.”

Aside from adjusting expectations, there are really many men who are not intimidated by independent and successful women. (Yup, right here on Earth!) A good buddy of mine actually seeks out highly intelligent women. The girls he dates typically have advanced degrees, are highly ambitious, and are successful in their careers.

Another good buddy won’t settle for anything less. “If I can’t have an intelligent conversation with her about things like economics or world culture,” he says, “then I can’t go out with her.”

As for me, I’m attracted to well-educated, intelligent, independent, and successful women too. I’ve dated girls who are eleven donuts short a box of dozen and those relationships never lasted too long. I can’t date a woman I don’t respect, and I have a lot of respect for intelligence, autonomy, and ambition. Plus, big brains are sexy. Mmm mmm mmm.

I realize that my friends and I are not the norm, however. But men with this mindset do exist. The majority of them are successful too. The challenge isn’t one of simply adjusting standards, in my opinion (though it’s helpful for everyone to at least have realistic standards). It’s also of trying to find one who’s compatible with you.

It’s not an impossible challenge either. As Gerson happily notes:

“The more highly educated a woman is, the more likely she is to ultimately marry. But it’s also true that she’s more likely to postpone marriage until she gains a foothold in the workplace and feels more secure about her working life until she’s a chance to figure out who she is, so she knows what kind of partner she wants.

“And ultimately, women who do postpone, especially if they’re highly educated, are more likely to find a partner who is right for them. [It is] more likely for that marriage to work, to last, and to create that balance between personal autonomy and commitment that they desire.”

Author: Mike Lee

An idealistic realist, humanistic technologist & constant student.

49 thoughts on “Are Men Intimidated By Independent & Successful Women?”

  1. Great blog post! Some of those stories sound very familiar. I never tell guys I have an MBA because that always sends them running for the hills.

    1. well i would brag about it even more if i had one . Men are so immature thats why i don’t want one and well done for having your MBA x

  2. I’m also a doctor also. My friends and I have noticed the same thing. The guys that disappear from us aren’t the kind of guys we want anyways, so good riddance to them I say!!

  3. Love this post. You know I endearingly refer to my MBA as a chastity belt. Men say they want to date smart women, I mention the MBA and then skid marks…:)

  4. The men probably run because they know you’re a workaholic. If you’re never home because you’re working all the time, why bother?

    Why do you have to mention your degree to the fella anyway? I knew a guy at work who used to great people this way… “Bob x, MIT PHD”. F’in a-hole.

    Men *do* want to date smart women. Stop working all the time! There’s more to life than working “for the Man”. If you aren’t going to make time for a guy then stop complaining.

  5. Women that are doctors, bankers, or have MBAs are pretty dull anyway. They are so absorbed with themselves and judge everyone around them who aren’t either. This is truly why men run for the hills when they hear this.

    Women with that kind of dedication and insistence typically have an ‘axe to grind’ against the infrastructure that prohibited them earlier in their careers ‘because they are women’ anyway, so they clump most men into the ‘evil machismo male chauvinism’ category by default, and expect men to prove how worthy they are and cater to their every whim.

    Women who are exceptionally intelligent, but can let loose and be less demanding are more fun anyway. After all, shouldn’t relationships be about enjoying each other’s presence and doing things together be more important than treating each other like a business relationship?

    But perhaps I’m romanticizing with an ideal too much.

  6. Face it, women love love men who are smarter and more powerful than they are. This is why no matter how successful they become, they will never feel secure until the man is more successful then she. Also, greater riches and power are no gaurantee for attracting a mate if you’re a male. I can name you a pretty list of rich males who are still jacking off to the Internet because they can’t find a girl. So if even rich men are having trouble keeping (or finding, for that matter) a girl, then how the fuck is a “weaker” man going to interest a more powerful female enough for the long haul?

    Unless he’s a masochist who loves the contempt a girl can throw at him and, assuming she’s the domineering type, he won’t last with her. And that’s all there is to it. Fatalistic? No, realistic.

    1. As a doctor, I’ve had no problem getting dates. However, my older (and cuter!) sister is a physicist and as soon as she tells men what she does for a living they tend to lose interest. This is despite the fact that she’s petite, adorable, cooks, and follows sports. She totally needs to say she’s a teacher and see how that works.

  7. Yes, it is true that women love men who are intelligent, well-spoken, and successful. Now you tell me, is this asking too much?

    As a well-educated and independent woman, I find that others like myself tend to be stereotyped as being “workaholics”, “feminists”, “snobs”, or straight up “bitches.” Although some can fit into one, most, or all of these stereotypes, most women aren’t any of the above. I can speak for myself and my girlfriends when I say that we are well-rounded girls who work hard, and play even harder.

    When looking for a partner, we are not asking for a man to have a degree to match our own, but we are looking for someone who is confident enough to stand by our side. We enjoy spending time with those who speak intelligently and are able to participate in playful banter. Aren’t guys looking for the same thing in a girlfriend or wife?

    I admit that most of the women I know want a man who measures up to her own success. However, everyone woman has her own definition of a “successful man.” For some women, it may mean having a professional degree, and for others it may involve a man’s annual income. And then there are some women who aren’t as concerned about the letters behind the guy’s name, but instead look at the man’s character and qualities. (Educated women are smart enough to know that there are successful men out there without graduate degrees).

    For those successful, independent women who are single and dating, I can attest to you that there are single, intelligent, successful men out there. They do exist. I was lucky enough to find one. Unfortunately, these guys are few and far between.

    And to all of you single men out there, don’t be afraid to ask out a well-educated, independent, successful woman. If you present yourself with confidence, and can back it up, you may end up with a great girl (who just so happens to have a professional degree).

  8. There’s another problem too… Divorce.

    It’s a raw deal for dads. I’ve seen data suggesting that over two thirds of divorces are initiated by women. It’s hard to commit to a marriage when you see those odds.

    Dads don’t get to see their children much. I imagine young men growing up without dad around will develop a certain attitude towards marriage and divorce. I’m sure many will decide to marry anyway but you gotta think a number of them saw what happened to pop and decided marriage wasn’t something worth pursuing.

    So… without a family to worry about, I imagine a number of young men don’t really feel compelled to excel in the work force. I’m afraid there may be fewer successful men out there for the hard working women to date and possibly marry.

  9. There are many reasons why women are more likely to initiate divorce now. In the past, the husband was the sole income generator and women couldn’t leave a poor marriage simply because they did not have the financial means to.

    But now that more women are financially secure, they CAn initiate a divorce from a bad marriage. That is a large part of why you see this kind of trend.

    I am not saying divorce is alwys the best solution however. I agree that it is hard to commit to a marriage when divorces are so common. It is very disheartening.

  10. Is it possible that women do not know what they want, and men are more focused and know exactly what they want?

    Seems to me that women are rarely pleased, and are always seeking ‘more’. I don’t have any statistics, so I’m obviously shooting at the hip.

    But, if women are so centered around emotions, and men are logically centered, then is it not true that there is a formula to please men, but women require something much more esoteric?

  11. Women having options (including divorce) is better than being trapped in an awful marriage. The problem is men know they will most likely lose the children. That sucks.

    I think if the courts were a little more even handed with the division of the spoils (for lack of a better phrase) men might not be so reluctant to walk up the aisle.

    Fortunately, many men are dopes (myself included) and marry anyway despite the fact that there’s a 50/50 chance the marriage will fail. In my case, I *really* wanted a family. So far so good, but I know it could end anytime.

    My brother in law just lost his family. He’s supposed to be able to see his kids four days each month but it’s been over a year and his ex-wife won’t let him see the kids anymore. Courts won’t enforce visitation. He’s pretty much out of luck unless he wants to go back to court and spend a ton of money trying to get to see the kids a few times a year. Real bummer.

  12. Enough!
    It seems that we are straying away from the point here. The point here is “Are Men Intimidated By Independent & Successful Women?” Now it seems that you guys are discussing whether women want rich or just a man who’s gonna make them happy – which is not what the topic is all about.

    Well, to answer the question Are Men Intimidated By Independent & Successful Women?

    YES, men are intimidated by successful independent woman. Howsoever, NOT ALL MEN ARE INTIMIDATED but some are.

    From my point of view, here is why;
    Women (not all) who are successful and independent tend to be very bully or controlling when it comes to a treating her man, knowing that she owns everything in the house (if the fella is staying with her). UNFORTUNATELY, all those SUCCESSES, INDEPENDENCIES women have CAN’T BUY them love. This forces a man to be submissive on whatever this gal is doing – which, being submissive on being a man makes you MAN feel less valuable or not a man enough.
    Now to avoid that kind of feeling, men prefers to withdraw in a relationship (if already in this kinda relationship) and, if not in this relationship, not even to bother approaching successful woman with the mind that ALL successful women are like that while THEY ARE NOT.

    A women then tend will wonder where she has gone wrong to lose her man, not knowing why the first guy have left her because she has everything (Diplomas, Master degrees and money). Pitifully, there aren’t men who’d have guts to let her know that he doesn’t like the way he is being treated. Instead he will just run away and make some excuses.

    A women then will ended up dating a second best guy she comes across with, and tend out that this new guy is just after her money. Now this makes women blame every guy in this world saying “There are no good men out there” because the first guy ran away, and this one as well.
    It would be better for a man to let her know that she (this successful woman) is bullying and bossy so that she is aware of her weaknesses when it comes to men – buy hey, I don’t think there’s any man in this world who can tell such a lady that “I am being threatened by your success because I have to be more submissive whether you are doing or telling me rubbish – which is what I can’t tolerate on being a man”. Unfortunately you successful ladies, it is hard for man to communicate this out. So you will just have to find the solution to this by yourself.
    But remember that there are good men out there who are not threatened by your successes buy the challenge for you is to find them.

    A practical example:

    My friend was also in this kind of situation where this lady was soooo bossy and controlling but successful and independent. One day, this gal’s parents came to visit with their kids. Now the kids were playing football in the house and they ended up breaking a TV while playing. When this guy tries to talk to the kids about the damage they have done, the lady’s mother shouted at this guy saying that “It’s not a big deal that the kid have broken it because you didn’t buy it yourself anyway but our daughter bought it and she will buy another one”. How do you think this guy felt? Now being in a situation where you will ended up being reminded of that everything in the house (for example) makes you man feel less.
    Even if you go somewhere with this lady’s car, you know that her friends (or her parents) may gossip that “as you see him in that car, it’s not his but out daughter’s” – which is what we can’t stand as MEN.

  13. We’re not straying from the point. If a women is successful with high standards, even if a guy marries her chances are about 50/50 it’s going to end in divorce.

    Why bother?

  14. Men are not afraid of successful women. They are afraid of abuse toward them by society, including women who may perceive men to be weak in some way. The nineteenth century belief Males should be strong allows aggression toward Males who appear weak in some way. Society provides love, honor, respect, support, etc. (the essentials for feelings of self-worth only on the condition of sufficient achievement, money, power, status, and image. Those Males who do not have sufficiency are not only given less love, honor, and respect, they are allowed upon them more aggression by society. This makes men very competitive for they feel they must achieve in order to have those things. Added the nineteenth century belief Males should be strong that allow much more aggression toward Males and also the denial from day one of mental, emotional, social support from day one (for fear of coddling the Male) and you have Males falling behind Females mentally, emotionally, socially, academically, and economically.

    Women, due to the nineteenth century belief woman should be protected are given love, honor, and respect simply for being women. The nineteen century belief they should be protected also allows for much mental, emotional, social support, to only “appear to mature faster than Males”. By differential treatment Females are surging ahead. In addition that very overprotection by society allows women to give verbal, silent abuse, and hollow kindness or patronization with impunity. The combination of allowed aggressions upon Males who appear weak in some way, lack of support for Males, more than adequate support for Females, and the protected freedoms of various allowed verbal and nonverbal abuse by women makes a Male who appears weak in some way quite vulnerable to more abuse from successful women and more also from society.

  15. 1. im in a bar, i hit on a table of doctors. odds are i assume that they are having girls night out and are blowing me off. i’ll make a few more bids, but if they are reserved because they expect me to leave odds are i will leave.

    2. if you want a relation ship you need to have time for them or they need to have time for you. some one has to give up on work for the relationships sake. not saying stop working but some one has to max out at ~40hrs or so.

    3. rick and petrov have valid points. it becomes more valid when you consider them in tandem.

    4. i saw a cops episode today, a woman with no visible trauma to her nose claimed a better than 6ft man punched her in the nose… she admitted to grabbing him by the gentles with the intent to cause pain. and he was showing blood from her admitted clawing of his face. guess who went to jail? given that i know a woman can attack me, harm me, and send me to jail. that 50% of marriages go bad. that the state would likely then take my children from me… why bother? given that society and most laws will leave me defenseless in a relationship, do i really want to load her gun with any perceived short-comings on my part…. you know before i got into this i was cool with successful women… now?…

    5. don’t get me wrong i realize getting into something expecting it to fail guarantees it will. 2&4 is mostly venting but their is truth in there.

  16. I met a girl once that was in a class with me. I was pursuing my B.A., while she must of had a Masters of some kind. Anyway, she would go on about what she had accomplished and everywhere she’d been. It was just so monotonous. She seemed like a very nice and likeable person, but at times she would revert to those “accomplishments” again. In my opinion, this is a “hang-up” in successful women. I mean… seriously. This type of behaviour is a turn-off in anyone, but in a women even more so.

  17. I’m a gal and I think there are a few types of successful women. There are those who truly pursue education because they love knowledge or they need another degree for the field that they are in. These girls tend to be more down to earth about it, don’t show off their intelligence/accomplishments. And then there are those girls who pursue more education and accomplishments to make up for some other deficiencies and low self-esteem. These are the ones that LOVE to show off about it. Even I can’t stand girls like that, so I have no clue how a guy could handle that. I think the important thing for women who are successful to realize is that there is a difference between being successful and showing it off. Whether you like it or not, guys are wired to show off with their accomplishments to impress girls, and most of the time it works to their advantage. On the contrary, if a woman behaves in this manner, she is reducing her feminine appeal by acting like the pursuing male would. It’s fine to discuss your accomplishments as a woman, but save it for later and, when you do, don’t be so smug about it. And, also, don’t compete with your men in this department and don’t shortchange a guy who is also successful. He will like compliments as much as you do. So in conclusion, it’s not the substance of the successful woman, but it’s her relationship style that makes all of the difference. I will also admit that there are those men who just don’t have what it takes to measure up to and satisfy a successful woman. If you follow the above steps and he is still intimidated, then he’s not worth your time anyway!

  18. Ok, I am a successful, heterosexual woman, but I love Sandy. LOL. Tell em’ girl! I agree with you wholeheartedly.

  19. I think it fine for women to be successful. As anyone who can compete. But I don’t want a woman who is constantly belittling me because I don’t have what she has. I think a lot of women want too much. They want a man to have all these qualities but what is she bringing to the table? The rate divorce is sickening, is because successful woman feel like they don’t need a man? That they rape him in court. I think if women don’t need men don’t take or try and take the money. Have sense of honor and duty. Stop trying to make the world like you. The workplace should be performance based. It should be a gossip center. I don’t know how men are going survive or adjust. Weakness is not tolerated in me. For some women their is a hatred of men that poisons every interaction. Almost every woman I have met is a spoiled brat that believes they should be taken care. So when society set up so men can’t success, They expect someone out there GOVERMENT to do it for them. That’s why society is going down standards are being lowered to help people do jobs they really can’t competently do. I say to all women if you have a job do it well you are expected to do that, don’t expect any favors because you are a woman. Stop behaving like a brat because you don’t get your way grow up life has disappointments. Setbacks and yes failures you are not immune.

  20. I want to say that I am a small business owner and the hardiest thing in my life to have right now is a good relationship with a man that wont tell how to good to be true I am and how proud they are of me. I have never been the one to walk around stating what I have and who I am. In fact most times I don’t like to tell them. But evenly you have to. I feel for the most part I have my act together and I want someone who knows what he wants out of life and from a good relationship. I get a lot of your beautiful and successful , why do you want me or you must be dating a lot of guys, or you are just to good for me ,or I have nothing to offer you. When really all I am trying to do is get to know them. I would just like someone to tell me what they see in me, then what they don’t see in themselves when they look at me. When and if I tell a man that I am looking for a strong man, what I am trying to express to them is that I am looking for a good family man, someone who has good relations with their family. Someone who is not afraid to love himself and or other , someone I can compliment instead of bringing him down and so on. Someone who knows what it takes to have a good a lasting relationship ( by knowing it isn’t always going to be a sunny day in the park) So why is that too hard

  21. If a beautiful woman is chatted up by a man, and feels disturbed and bothered about unwanted attention, she should tell him to fuck off! Why bother about hurting his feelings? If the woman were half as ugly as he is, believe me he would not attempt to chat her up.

    Men are quite frankly criminals, as all they see is beauty as the first impression in a woman,whereas we women know that this is far from our greatest and most wonderful asset.
    Intelligence is our most wonderful God given gift. Men don’t bother to reckon with how we women feel about being chatted up at random. Their egos are all they care about.
    When we’re sitting alone on a bus or train, and just want some personal quiet time, along comes this rude PRICK who WANTS TO PULL.

    When we’re reading valuable mind stimulating literature or want to listen to some relaxing music, pow here comes MR PRICK wanting to PUll yet again, with scant regard about the fact that, yeah, yeah ,YEAH… Mr. errect DICK is disturbing us at the expense of his own self gratification.
    How dare he!!!! I tell him to FUCK OFF> End of……

    Watch his balls take a limp drop, girls. You’re worth more than just an errect dick!

    1. Yeah!
      Go and crawl back into your miserable whole and take your damned hatred and sexism with you.
      We don’t want your kind here or anywhere else.

    2. Wha’ts the matter did a bunch of frat guys tag team you in college and now you hate men forever? Don’t hate men…hate Tequila. Stupid Chick.

  22. Oh and while we’re at it.
    Stop blaming men for their hesitation with professionally successful women. Men are being far more accommodating to women’s ever greater and more hypocritical demands than anyone could have expected.
    If you don’t know what I mean: Imagine how many women would date a man who competes with them at being beautiful and makes them look ugly by comparison?

    I’m also one of those men who prefer successful women but the hypocrisy of this one sided dating game is just getting boring.

  23. The whole “men are intimidated” is the biggest piece of BS ever invented as rationalization. Its something invented by insecure, arrogant women as an ego-defense mechanism, created to prevent them from looking in the (mental mirror).

    Its a way to shift blame. Two things that so called “intelligent, successful” women have, that are at fault here:

    1) They get incredibly swollen arrogance. They actually get unbelievable expectations of men, and act snotty and snobbish toward men. They are for the most part not aware they’re doing it, but if they ever saw a video of themselves interacting with a man, they’d cringe. They actually treat men in a very condescending way.

    2) They are deeply unattractive in some way. Just like a lot of players are the high-school geek who’s overcompensating… A lot of “successful and independent women” were extremely unattractive in some way and use education and success to compensate. The problem? The thing that was unattractive just grows larger in the background. The more they try to hide their unattractive feature through success/education, the larger it actually grows.

  24. Sometimes I don’t understand why women complain about men in every aspect. I mean women now have rights to everything (the Feminist movement), and they’re STILL complaining that men aren’t diggin` them because they’re “successful” or “independent”. Quit complaining really. You’re successful. You’re independent. What else do you want?! Sometimes I just think that women want MORE equal rights than what they have (dominant). They complain when men calls them bitch, hoes, sluts, or whatever. Here they are, complaining to their other feminist friends that they’re not treated with respect. Please, you put yourself in that position and when you’re called by that name, you blame it on the men. Let me say something.. You think you deserve respect by treating men like dirt? Well you don’t deserve the respect until you learn to treat men with respect.

  25. men are not intimidated of intelligent women as such. Men are intimidated of women who are smartER than they are. Although, good looks and independence must be present as well. I even had some of my ex-es admitting that. One said “you are so smart that it is scarring me”. Just a little while ago I talked to one of my friends, just friends, who is an older guy, and I shared with him how frustrating it is that I cannot find a mate. He said, “well, you are so smart and pretty, many guys get intimidated”.
    I am also involved with a local non-profit and its president owns a hedge fund and all his employees are cool guys between 30 and 45. We keep going out to various events. They always bring their dates and wives, who are… intellectually average at best.

  26. Woah there slow down buddy, this article mentions nothing about women treating men like dirt. It’s about women who are miserable because they can’t find the man they’re looking for. So before you go insulting all women and judging them by a single characteristic and bitching over how we’re mean to you read the article over another time.

    Most of us aren’t asking anything else from men anymore because we’ve achieved about as much equality as we can governmentally, and feminism isn’t about being dominant. It’s about people being people, whether they’re male or female, and people deserving respect. (Again, whether they’re male or female.)

  27. Yeah sister, that’s just sexist. Women do dumb things too.

    When will everyone realize that women, men, it’s all the same? There’s idiotic women and idiotic men, there’s idiotic people in the world. That doesn’t give you the right to call the entire opposite sex idiotic.

  28. So… because I am a woman and I am going to college to become a teacher… I’m not as much of a success and therefore much more likely to attract men. You know, because of my lowly and easily attainable career.

    Wow, you’re not undermining anyone there.

  29. For someone who is so smart you don’t understand the definition of the word intimidation.

    Intimidation is not the same thing as threaten.

    Men who don’t go out with women are not intimidated. Anything, but. The fact that they refuse to go out is proof that they are not timid nor conform out of repercussion of some act–which is what to intimidate means.

    “Man-ginas” who go out with such brutes of women, out of the fear of being called intimidated or sexist, are the ones actually intimidated.

    And since when does independent always equals more intelligence? Independent can also mean more arrogant, narcissistic, mean, nagging, ball busting, brute, crude, and stupid.

    Did I mention arrogant? I don’t think I did.

    Since these women are “happy” because of their independent–this is only a suggestion, but they should stay independent. Let their bones turn to dust…alone. Leave those who understand the term interdependent, dependent, bondage, alone–Mr. Independent or Ms. Independent.

    Apparently “successful” women like to complain about their current status which really questions how “successful” they really are in life.

    Apparently for all the intelligence that you and these women have, you both need to go back to grade school.

  30. I read this post as I myself would love someone to share my life with and someone to come home to and hug and share things with. I have a PhD and lecture at a very reputable university and am also a scientist. My work has been published. I am 31 and my friends say I am very pretty and feminine. I studied to get myself out of my culture, where the parents would arrange my marriage for me, as I wanted a choice so education was my only way out. But I also fell in love with the job that I do. So I am not arrogant at all- if anything I feel blessed and thankful and worked hard for a normal life.
    I met this guy I dated for four years, and in all that time he did not work (he used to be a trader in the city). I supported him financially as I truly believed in him and I never belittled him. Well he left. I then meet another guy who says he likes my mind as well as my personality. We dated but when he found out that my ex used to be a trader in the city, he left saying that obviously I was after a high flyer!!! I told him that my ex was not working for nearly all the time we were together but that was it- just cause he knew he had an MSc, he thought he would never match up to my ex and bolted. I meet another man recently in a pub- for two months we would see each other (share same friends) on a Friday night. Now he has no degree and I don’t care. I love talking to him and he makes me laugh and I care about him. Eventually one night, we slept together. It wasn’t meant to happen. Now he is telling me we cant be together because I am too smart for him.
    Believe me, I have been honest, and willing to give people a try and I fall in love with the person not the “package” but inevitably, the guys use my job, or apparent intellect etc as excuses. I am not that smart. And I talk about normal things. I like to read Heat magazine and I love the X factor- I am not a judgemental snob! And guy number three and I had great conversations. Infact he said he loved speaking to me and I made him feel very comfortable. He knew I was a Dr then! So there you have it. There was apparently nothing lacking in my conversation or looks. But still there is that little something there nagging at them in their own heads where they tell themselves that you can not be their girlfriend. I really do not know what to do now… HELP!

    1. Sorry but they all sound like loosers and you deserve so much better .i know there is someone perfect out there for you . good luck xx

  31. I am a teracher and a doctor. I have an Ed.D. and I teach both high school and part time at a university. Men are still intimidated by me. The comment about teachers vs. doctors is completely inaccurate. It sounds as if you think teachers are somehow less intelligent. The minute I open my mouth and men realize that I am intelligent I scare off the less intelligent or controlling ones.

    1. Many of us equate female educators as being nurturing, and this perception overshadows recognition of the level of intelligence that it takes to effectively teach others. Perhaps this positive, nurturing stereotype is the primary reason men responded favorably to the female physicians.  

  32. These issues are not new. In reality every social movement in this country have usurped the progress of the black man. Men are intimidated by these women when they measure their worth by material standards. Successful black women have “high standards” that also have material things high on the list of qualifications. The Europeans murdered the Indians and took their women as wives. The slaves were treated the same way though marriage didn’t come until much later. I’m not suggesting that anyone change their standards, I’m saying that the field has never been level.

  33. Hello
    I did listen to the link “somethingsomething” posted and Tom Leykis sounds very bitter and really out of the 1950’s.  He indirectly points out a double standard: basically a man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who is always there for him (apparently a woman who has nothing to do but be there for him – paging Donna Reed”)  Also men/boys who call women swear words or derogatory words probably don’t like women very much.  I don’t call men derogatory names however, I don’t chose to spend my time with men who aren’t looking for a committed relationship that involves connecting on a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual level. I also understand not everyone (male or female) is looking for this and that’s fine.  
    The anger/hatred Mr. Leykis has isn’t about men and women it is really how he views women and he sounds un-datable. 
    I think another possible double standard is that women used to have to give up everything to marry and have children, follow a man and his career.  For example I knew a woman who’s husband’s dream was to be a doctor.  So she had to put up with a guy who was never home, often tired, while she also raised three children for many years.  She is there for him and sacrificing a great deal for him where the impression I get is Mr. Leykis would not do that for a woman he cared about nor most men. The roles between men and women have changed and broadened and everyone can celebrate this. Both sexes can express both their male and female sides and ultimately become more textured/layered human beings. 

    But let’s forget him.  
    It seems men and women do want the same things: to be fulfilled in their work (whether s/he works on bicycles or run a Corp.) support, love, sex, and emotional connection.   My belief is there needs to be room for both peoples, dreams, desires and wants in a relationship. 

    I do think a man who rejects a woman because she has goals or ambitions is insecure. Just as a woman who doesn’t want her fella to be all he can be too is not very loving.  I don’t think there has to be competition between the two nor subjugation of one at the expense of the other.  

    I personally feel boys who still see women as only sex objects to please them as antiquated and bordering on extinction and girls who only want men as a meal ticket missing the boat.

  34. I’m an engineer, I own my own boat, I can use tools, speak three languages and have a nerd streak a mile wide. I would call myself a successfull and intelligent young woman, and I get far more male attention than I want.

    I don’t think it’s success or intelligence that men find intimidating. I think it’s the personality type typically required for “success,” and it’s true of both men and women. Napoleon complexes just arn’t attractive, no matter the gender.

    So ask yourself how you would like a guy to act, and compare your behavior: would you rather him brag about how successful he is, or ask about you? Would you like a guy that was constantly trying to show you up?

    Don’t blame “independence” when it’s really poor social skills.

  35. what is your problem men you are loosing out on some really lovely women because you can’t stand it when they are smart ,pretty and intellegent .i say to you that i wouldn’t have any of you gift pand go find yourself a thicko who lazes about all day eating !

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