Date: June 2
To: Mike Lee
From: Friend in IT
Subject: [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

hey mike, here's the full thread. I reordered it so it's in chronological order. it's funny as hell. it's like a friggin soap opera. don't these people know that my job is to monitor work emails? they shouldn't be sending crap like this at work. but what the hell. makes my job more fun. heh. enjoy!

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Dean Keene
Subject: I can still smell you...

Virg, your perfume is still all over my desk. Last night was awesome. Let's work "late" again this Friday!

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Dean Keene
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

I know, that was pretty hot, wasn't that? That thing you did with your nose was great! BTW, I can't this Friday, my husband has some friends coming over and I have to be the dutiful wife and entertain. How about Thursday?

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Dean Keene
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

Dammit. Screw your husband. He's not the boss of you, right? I am! Well, I'm your boss's boss, technically, so what I say matters. I really think we should "finish that report" this Friday night. It's urgent.

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Dean Keene
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

Um, I don't know what to say Dean. I already committed to this dinner. Why don't you go home to your wife, open a nice bottle of wine, and spend a romantic evening with her?

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Dean Keene
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

What the hell is your problem? Didn't I just tell you this is urgent? What side are you on? I know you want that director spot. Shall I give it to Roger instead?

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Dean Keene
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

You fucking bastard. Don't fuck with me. If you want blood, I'll give you blood.

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Dean Keene
Subject: [re] I can still smell you...

You go and try, whore.

. . .
Date: May 6
To: Rachel Keene
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hi Mrs. Keene,

I found your email address in your husband's PDA. He leaves it on his desk everyday when he goes to lunch, so it rings and rings and rings when he gets a call. It's annoying as hell. But that's nothing compared to what you're about to read.

. . .
Date: May 7
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Rachel Keene
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

I don't know what you're trying to pull here. Just because you've informed me of my husband's infidelity doesn't mean you'll get on my good side. I'm going to get his estate and everything in the divorce, now that you've given me this proof. But after I clean him out, I'm going after you. Have a nice day.

. . .
Date: May 7
To: Rachel Keene
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hi Mrs. Keene,

Um, I think you're blowing this totally out of proportion. It was only one time and I sincerely believe that it was a mistake. I've regretted it ever since. He had me in a moment of weakness. Also, because he's my superior, I felt there wasn't anything I could do without jeopardizing my career. It's sexual harrassment, plain and simple. I'm the victim here and I can't tell you how sorry I am. You must be going through a lot of pain right now. I can't even begin to imagine how much pain. Why don't we get together for some coffee? I really think we should meet. I can tell you my side and we can work through this together.

. . .
Date: May 7
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Rachel Keene
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

When my husband returned home earlier this week, I could smell the perfume on his clothes. It was the same perfume I smelled on him last week. And the week before. Don't try me, Ms. Tyler. You'll have no sympathy from me. Just sit tight. I'll deal with you soon enough.

. . .
Date: May 9
To: Edmund Smythe
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hi Edmund,

I really need your help. It seems I've just incurred the wrath of two psychos here. What can you dig up on these two to help me? I assume your rate is the same as last time?

. . .
Date: May 16
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Edmund Smythe
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hello Mrs. Tyler,

Here's what I found on Dean Keene and Rachel Keene. Attached are the full police and IRS records.

Dean Keene was charged for embezzlement in 1992. The case was thrown out due to improper police procedures and he walked free. The amount he was suspected to have embezzled is 1.2 million. The police report includes the lead investigator's contact info.

Rachel Keene holds approximately $800,000 in various offshore accounts, according to some clandestine wire transfers she's made. She's a three-time divorcee and most of her savings has come from her divorce proceedings. However, according to the IRS, she's only valued at around $60,000.

One of her ex-husbands worked in the same company Dean did where he allegedly embezzled the 1.2 million. Rachel happened to be a Financial Controller there, and he the VP of Accounting. She wasn't implicated in the charges, but perhaps there's a connection. I included that ex-huband's contact info here too.

Pleasure doing business with you again, Mrs. Tyler. Take care.

. . .
Date: May 16
To: Edmund Smythe
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

You are SUCH a sweetie, Edmund! If there's anything I can do to repay you, just let me know!

. . .
Date: May 16
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Edmund Smythe
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hello Mrs. Tyler,

I appreciate the sentiment, ma'am. Your payment is sufficient. Just remember me for all of your future blackmail needs.

P.S. I prefer guys. As I was following Dean around, I saw him with a ravishing young brunette who appeared to be his assistant. His skin was so supple and fresh. If you happen to know the name of this brown-haired Adonis, I would be highly appreciative.

. . .
Date: May 21
To: Jim Anderson
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hi Jim,

Last night was so hot, Jim. You've always been someone I could turn to here. I don't know why it's taken us so long to take it to the next level like that. I can tell you're really a smart guy and I sincerely believe you when you say you'll do anything for me.

Here's what I was so upset about. Dean is a bastard and he's trying to screw me over. His wife is also after me. I haven't been able to sleep for weeks because of this. You said you know computer hackers who could get into bank accounts around the world. Do you think you could get them to help me out here? I need to find out if Dean has any offshore accounts, and if Rachel's offshore accounts are tied to the money they embezzled. I've included all of their files here in this email.

Thanks again Jim! You're so hot! Thank you so much for helping me. You know I'll be eternally grateful!

. . .
Date: May 22
To: Virginia Tyler
From: Jim Anderson
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hey Virg,

This sounds like some pretty serious stuff. I had no idea Dean Keene was accused of embezzelment. I see that guy everyday in the cafeteria!

I don't know what I can do to help exactly. I can talk to my hacker buddies, but what kind of information do you need? Can you be more specific?

. . .
Date: May 22
To: Jim Anderson
From: Virginia Tyler
Subject: [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

I don't know, Jim. You're a smart, handsome young man. I know you'll figure it out. I can't stop thinking about you, gorgeous! Write me back soon with some info, okay?

. . .
Date: May 24
To:  Roger Anderson
From: Jim Anderson
Subject: [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] [fwd] [re] I can still smell you...

Hey bro,

You won't believe what just happened to me!

First, that hottie over in accounting, Virginia Tyler, totally made out with me this weekend! And then she tells me this huge sob story about how the VP of Finance Dean Keene is trying to screw her over. I gave her some bullshit story about how I know hackers and could help. I guess she believed me because I'm in engineering.

Next, she forwards me this crazy email with all this back-and-forth between her, Dean, Dean's wife, and some gay private investigator! Talk about your twisted scandals!

And get this - you're going to love this part: Virgina Tyler is after the same director position you are! I guess she couldn't tell that we were brothers. What a ditz!

. . .

Do you have any amusing email threads?