Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hey Jane. It's John. I haven't heard from you in a while. Call when you get this message, okay?"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hi John. I'm sorry I missed your call before. I've been, um, preoccupied lately. Look, we need to talk. Please give me a call back. Bye."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hey Jane. Looks like we're playing phone tag. You're it! Ha ha. Yea, I agree, we need to talk. Are you mad at me? It's been almost a month now since we've seen each other. Look, if I did something that night that pissed you off, please let me know. Oh, and you left your pantyhose here. Anyways, call me back."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hi John. I'm sorry I missed your call again. There's something I really need to tell you. I want to tell it to you in person. Are you free sometime this weekend? Please let me know. I really need to talk to you. Please give me a call back. Bye."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Dammit, looks like we keep missing each other. Okay, what's this you want to talk about? You're pissed, aren't you? You can admit it. You weren't comfortable with that threesome, were you? I could totally tell. Hey, it was your idea, you know. You're the one with all the fantasies about your friend. I just came along for the ride. Anyways, call me back."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hi John. I don't know what to say. Yes, I'm a little uncomfortable with what happened last month. Mary and I haven't spoken at all since that night. But that's not why I want to talk to you. Please, I just… I just need to talk to you. Please give me a call back. Bye."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"I don't think we're ever going to get each other on the phone, especially with you working those crazy hours at Denny's and me doing this night shift. Why don't you just tell me what's on your mind. Is it Mary and me? Look, I would have done you first, but she just happened to be there, and I was all ready to go and… Dammit, just tell me what you're mad at, okay?"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hi John. I'm not mad at you. I don't mind what happened between you and Mary. Well, maybe just a little, you know… A little bothered. I know how much you like doing it from behind, and how much she likes that too. But that's not why I want to talk. This is about you and me. Please call me back. Bye."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Sigh. Yea, Jane. You're right. I really do like doing it from behind. I don't know. Maybe a part of me sensed something wrong from that night. Maybe this is why you're mad at me. And you know what's funny? You have every right to be. I have to tell you something. Mary and me? Well, we've been… we've been seeing each other. I'm sorry I had to tell it to you this way, Jane."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"What? You bastard! What?! You and Mary?! What the hell?? I… I can't believe this! I can't believe I've been worrying and worrying this whole month about us, and all for nothing! You bastard, you filthy bastard!!"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hey, you pushed me to this, okay? You got all silent after that night. What was I to think? I called up Mary to find out if you were okay. She said she never heard back from you either. We went out for drinks. One thing led to another. Geez, Jane. You brought this on yourself."

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Oh no, don't put this on me. You damn coward. You want to know why I haven't called in a month? Huh? You want to know why? Because I'm pregnant, you bastard. I AM PREGNANT. And I've been worrying and worrying about how to tell you this. But if I had known that you'd be a filthy cheating bastard, then I wouldn't have cared at all! So screw you! And that whore Mary!"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"Hey Jane. Um. Wow. You're, um, pregnant? It's our kid? Oh wow man. Wow. I… I don't know what to say. Um. I know I've done stupid things in the past, even as recent as last week, but, um. Well, I think it's pretty, like, profound that you're pregnant, you know? I really wish you would have told me when you first found out. I could have totally been there to help you. You know, despite all that's happened, I really do care about you. You know, Jane, I think… I think I love you. And I want us to be together. Call me back, okay?"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"You had me laughing hard from that last message, John. Haha. Hard. You and Mary are totally meant for each other, let me just tell you. I wasn't worried about telling you I was pregnant, though it's funny of you to think that. Haha. I was worried about telling you that I was pregnant - by ANOTHER guy. It's your buddy Mark! HAHA! How's that for irony, huh? See, you can totally have Mary, she's all yours. You can do it in her bum all you want! Goodbye John!"

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

"The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service… The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service… The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service…"

. . .

Have you ever had a long conversation over lots of voice mails?